This is a big week for teams. 1-3 is a whole lot worse than 2-2. And 3-1 is a whole lot better than 2-2. Big, big week. Also, alot of good games. I'll do this by my ranking of the games.
1.) Green Bay @ Minnesota (-3.5) (MNF)
This is a great game. I mean, the execs at ESPN are probably wetting their panties at this one, since the rest of their slate is less impressive than JaMarcus Russell's play. I just think the Packers are better. They are forcing a ton of turnovers, and now are playing against a turnover machine at QB (hint: his name rhymes with "Wet Carve") and a RB who has a propensity to fumble the ball. Aaron Rodgers has not hit his stride yet, but teams have passed well on Minny. They will go off. Just a hunch.
Green Bay 27 Minnesota 17 (GB against the spread)
2.) Baltimore @ New England (-2)
This is also a great game. The last time these two teams met, the Ravens played RAVEN football, nearly beat the 12-0 Pats, and then after a ultra-dubious call, the ref called Bart Scott a "boy", which, unbeknownst to me, is a derrogatory term on the streets. The Ravens will be out for revenge, becuase Ray Lewis does not hold no grudge. However, if you must know, they are better. Tom Brady is still not back: he's sailing passes, looking jittery, and has not fared well against the blitz up the middle. And who comes up the middle for the Ravens, one Mr. Haloti NAH-TA. The Ravens are for real, and they win a big-statement game.
Baltimore 24 New England 14 (BAL)
3.) New York (a) @ New Orleans (-7)
I feel that the Jets are overrated. They beat the Pats, but they looked mediocre at best against Tennessee. Mark Sanchez looked like a rookie. It wont be the air-it-out show for the Saints against a Rexy defense. However, they have the firepower, and the crowd at the SuperDome, to outplay them. Sanchez played in Houston, but Houston is no New Orleans, in many, many ways (namely: nightlife).
New Orleans 24 New York (a) 20 (NYJ)
4.) San Diego @ Pittsburgh (-6.5)
Pittsburgh, I think, is alot better than San Diego. Here's my problem with the Chargers, other than the fact that I hate them, or the fact that LaDainian Tomlinson seems like a hallucinating Senior Citizen as he is the only one who feels like he is any good, or the fact that Phil Rivers throws the ball like it is a shotput, or the fact that they are coached by Norv Turner (actually, that is a valid reason to hate them); the Chargers are not good in big games. Outside of the two wins against Indy in the playoffs, they always seem to lose these games against the good teams. Like two weeks ago against Baltimore. They are both good teams, but San Diego just cannot get the job done. Pittsburgh, if their kicker did not suddenly become possessed by Mike Vanderjfuck, and if Limas Sweed never existed, would be 3-0. They are good. They might have lost their shot at the division, but they are better than San Diego.
Pittsburgh 23 San Diego 14 (PIT)
5.) Dallas (-3) @ Denver
Hard to believe that these two teams are a combined 5-1. Denver, I still believe, sucks. They beat the Browns, whose coach has a chance to be fired before the Kardashain/Odom marraige ends (aka November 1), and the Raiders, who would play better if they did not have a bag of sand playing quarterback. The other win was a fluke play. Dallas is not really any better, but come on, how long can this undefeated Bronco shit last. It has to end, like this weekend. Its over Denver. Their schedule here on out is harder than JaMarcus Russell is fat.
Dallas 21 Denver 13 (DAL)
6.) Tennessee (-3) @ Jacksonville
The week gets really shitty here on out. Shittier than Jack Del Rio, well, no, but still, its a major duece. Tennessee, I still feel, is good. The Jags suck, really, really suck. The got raped by Arizona, to the tune of 31-3 at one point. They should have lost to Houston, and got bailed out when Chris Brown slapped Matt Schaub. They are.... oh wait. Sorry, wrong Chris Brown. This one just fumbled at the goal line. Tennessee needs this game, and playing in Jacksonville is the equivalent of playing in a public park, as even the Jags fans hate the city of Jacksonville.
Tennessee 34 Jacksonville 10 (TEN)
7.) Oakland @ Houston (-8.5)
That is alot of points for a team that has a historically bad run D. Nnamdi Asomugha will shut down Andre John-SON, which will in turn smack my fantasy team in the nads. I still believe in the Darren McFadden and Michael Bush combo. However, you know who I don't believe in: JaMarcus "I Love Ham" Russell. Honestly, he's not as bad as Ryan Leaf, because that little fucker was as bad as I would be in the NFL, but oh my god is J-Russ sucking dick right now. I mean, he threw 21 times for 62 yards. I honestly believe 80% of the American public could do that. As a comparison, Manning is averaging 10.2 YPA, Russell is averaging 5. Being a Colts/Raiders mormon, watching Manning and then watching Russell is like listening to Mariah Carey, and then Gilbert Gottfried. I beleive in the Texans offense to win the game, but I believe the Raiders coaches are smart enough to play the first "all-run" offense ever to make it close.
Houston 34 Raiders 27 (OAK)
8.) Buffalo (-1) @ Miami
Man, has the Miami story crumbled. Maybe, just maybe, turning your team into some sort of eclectic country club by allowing the Williams Sisters, Gloria Estefan and Mario Lopez to become owners may not be a good idea. Honestly, they should let Serena play. After her fire she showed at the US Open, she would be great in the huddle. Neither of these teams are any good, but Miami has to win sooner or later.
Miami 20 Buffalo 17 (MIA)
9.) Cincinnatti (-6) @ Cleveland
Cleveland sucks at historical levels on offense. These are their point total the last 9 games: 6-6-9-10-0-0 (that's right, they were shut out back-to-back weeks)-20 (how the fuck did they score 20)-6-3. Holy shit. This is ridiculous. They have all of three offensive touchdowns in the last nine games. The Colts score three touchdowns in 7 minutes last week in Arizona. Cincinnatti, who has had a good schedule so far, which makes their 2-1 (should have been 3-0, but CBS mandated Gus Johnson had something to orgasm about in week 1) even more impressive. They will kill the Browns.
Cincinnatti 34 Cleveland 13 (CIN)
10.) Detroit @ Chicago (-10)
Detroit is probably hungover from their first win since the Nixon administration last week. Much like their totally hungover fan, who was tossed from the stands to a na-na-na-na;hey-hey-hey;goodbye chant (look to the right). Chicago barely beat a Seneca Wallace led team, and needed a historically bad choke job by Olindo "I'm gonna need that job back in two weeks, Wendy's" Mare. However, they are at home, and Jay Cutler might as well be the second coming of Chad Hutchinson (I hope you don't know who he was, the one person still reading) if he loses to the Lions.
Chicago 28 Lions 16 (CHI)
11.) St. Louis @ San Francisco (-9.5)
Imagine if you told a Ram's bandwagoner (the Rams don't have fans) back in 2000 the following: In nine years, the Kurt Warner will play in a super bowl, however not for you. He will be playing for the Arizona Cardinals. Torry Holt will be playing for the only team with less fans than yours, Mike Martz will be exiled to Elba, and you will be getting 9.5 points to the niners. That bandwagoner would have probably just put his Cards cap back on and gone over to Busch, and cheered for Mark McGwire and his Tire Muscles. However, it really is shocking how far things have fallen for the Rams. I don't believe in San Francisco, and if this was in the Eddie Dome, I would pick the Rams to cover, but it is by the bay. Plus, Mike Singletary might pull his pants down again if they lose to the Rams and Kyle "I ruined historically great defenses, and cost Brian Billick millions of dollars" Boller.
San Francisco 31 Rams 17 (SF)
12.) Seattle @ Indianapolis (-10)
This game would have been a little intriguing if the Matthew (Hasselbeck) was playing. Sadly, Seneca Wallace is playing. What is scarier, and is probably more telling than anything, is that the Colts will be missing Dwight Freeney, Gary Brackett, Kelvin Hayden, and Bob Sanders (the equivalent of the Ravens missing Haloti NAH-TA, Ray Lewis, Arbitrary Corner #2, and Ed Reed), and they are still giving 10 points. And I totally understand. Peyton is playing at a level I have rarely seen. He is doing things only he has done. He will torch this Seahawk team, and send them back to the Northwest in a daze of Moccha Lattes, Soundgarden and Rain.
Indianapolis 38 Seattle 14 (IND)
13.) New York (-8.5) @ Kansas City
Imagine a team giving that much in Arrowhead. Some of the best home-field advantages have totally dissapeared. The reason why: these teams are shitty. They all deserve to be large underdogs. Matt Cassell seems to be a bum. That coach is a nazi-level screamer. Todd Haley is a lunatic, a complete, unabashed LUNATIC. He will really punch one of his players out. The Giants, on the other hand, used to have a tyrannical head coach, and he changed and now they are a juggernaut (there also may be a gigantic talent difference between the two teams, but the crazy coach is a more fun theory).
New York 30 Kansas City 14 (NYG)
14.) Tampa Bay @ Washington (-7.5)
Man, this is a shitty, shitty game. I would not watch this game even if I would face waterboarding from Dick Cheney as a punishment. Both of these teams suck badly. Tampa Bay had 87 yards last week. Five teams had more than that in one drive. Washington just lost to the Lions, and did not even drive one of their fans to a drunken, spittled rage in the stands. I mean, every team does that in Detroit. I'll be surprised if Jim Zorn lasts another month. I really can't get over the craptacular level of this game.
Washington 17 TampaBay 13 (TB)
Enjoy week 4!
