Roger Federer
Yeah, that guy. The fag that wears suit jackets and long dress pants out to a tennis match. Someone needs to tell this fool that this is not a fucking dinner. However, his really really questionable attire is like the 10th thing wrong with him. He's a huge fucking baby. He drops to his knees and cries everytime he wins a tournament. This was all good when he won his first major, and I'll even give him a pass when he won on clay for the first time this year, but seriously, Rog, when you win the same tournament for a fifth straight time there's no need to bawl like a toddler. That is really showing up your opponent. Take a look at Rafa Nadal (not a tool), after he basically gave Federer a Colonoscopy in his 6-1 6-3 6-0 beating last year at the French Open, he, a man who respects his collegues, did not fall to his knees, did not even celebrate. Then, there was Federer's actions after losing to Nadal at the Australia, where Federer openly wept after losing. Now, those are more pussyish than toolish, so for evidence to the later, there is Federer's being one of the most arrogant people ever. He has openly said bueaties like "When I play my best, I will win always" and "I get the feeling people who watch me are watching greatness." What the Fuck? Is this guy serious. Nadal has pretty much made him into his personal sex slave, as that he bangs Federer every time they meet, and Federer is still quoted as saying that he feels that he is better than Nadal. Federer is a delusional shithead arrogant fuck, and what does not help is his gold-embroidered jacket he wears after winning wimbledons (and losing them). Also, Tennis is a sport where the males get surprisingly hot girlfriends/wives, and Federer is pretty much married to a bovine. Mirka Vavrinec is easily the ugliest Tennis wife ever. I honestly think that Brooklyn Decker's (Roddick's wife) shit looks better than Mirka. Now, again, this is not evidence of his being a tool, but it is just another piece into Federer's scrumptious tool cake that he is baking.
Bill Belichick
Ohhhhh, where to begin. Weirdly enough, I'll start with his attire. Bill Belichick is now famous for his hoodie. What is less famous is this trend of cutting off the sleeves, as shown. This was fun for all of one day. Ever since his team stopped winning Super Bowls, its become less and less interesting and quirky and more and more ridiculously gay. The great coaches of all time looked the part: Tom Landry and Vince Lombardi wore suits; Bill Walsh wore sweatervests; Belichick wears a fucking salvation army hoodie. Anyway, to risk me coming across as way too interested into clothing, I will move on. Bill Belichick is by far the most arrogant SOB ever. His handshake shenanigans are legendary, in that he barely looks at the person he is handshaking, unless of course if he is the winner, in which case he pretty much dry-humps the other coach while shouting "Suck on my hoodie-sweated nuts, Bitch" at his opponent. Then, are the case of his postgame comments, where he never gives his opponent any credit. He also cheats on the injury report, where he has listed Tom Brady as questionable for years with a shoulder injury. Either Tom Brady has a glass shoulder and has the pain threshold of a ant, or Belichick is a cheating fuck. Also, there is the case of him actually being a convicted Cheating Fuck. Part 1: his cheating on his wife with a married woman, and then dumping them both for some other gold-digger. I would pay serious money to watch a conversation between Belichick and his dimwit girlfriend. Part 2: Spygate, where he stole signals for years, continued to do it after the league told everyone to stop, and then acted like he was set-up. This guy is by far the most insufferable bitch in NFL coaching history, and it is a great day every time he loses, as the world gets the gift of a cold handshake, his monotone comments and scrutiny.
Tom Brady
I really, really hate the Pats (can you tell??). However, I respect Tom Brady the QB. Tom Brady is a legendary QB, and is a surefire first-ballot Hall of Famer. However, Tom Brady the guy is a total tool. Here are three anectodes to prove his being a shitbrain bitch. 1.) At his wedding he ordered his security team to shoot at, yes shoot at, papparazzi. Not even the Mel Gibson will let people shoot at papparazzi, but Tom Brady decided that trying to snap a picture of his wedding to an overrated Model merits a death sentence. Not that I blame him, I wouldn't want people to know that a goat was my best man either. 2.) Some man took scrap-iron from potters (I have no idea what that is) left in Brady's trash heap, and Brady not only got mad, but sued him for 4,000. Brady did not know that this man was bankrupt after medical bills, and had been collecting scrap metal and selling them for medical treatments. Needless to say, Brady did the classy thing and decided to proceed with his lawsuit, becuase you damn well not steal Brady's gardening shit. 3.) After being grazed on his leg by Terrell Suggs, he hopped up and down and pleaded for a penalty (which of course the ref obliged after briefly stopping to pray to his handmade Wooden Brady statue and sucking Brady's balls). He was barely touched. Tom, I think you should start winning games again, and stop calling for the death of photographers and suing ill people for plant shit. This guy was the golden boy, but after his much unpublicized turning into a fashion icon (Stetson cologne, whatever the goat is above) his is more like the model wife he is married to.
Urban Meyer
I would love to put Tim Tebow here, but sadly it is the media's fault that he is reviled nearly as much as he is loved. Urban Meyer, however is reviled much more than he is loved, and by his own doing. Firstly, he is a traitorish bitch. After his meal ticket, Tim Tebow, came back for his senior year, Meyer promised to run more of a pro-style offense so Tebow could get more ready for the NFL. It really is the least he could do for the guy who single-handedly got him a title. Well, I have seen a couple Florida, and Tebow has ran exactly 0 plays under center, and is still stuck in his womanly spread-option, something that has 0 relevance in the NFL. He is basically screwing his top player. Then, he needlessly tries to run it up every game (like throwing while up 42-10 against Georgia last year) to the point where Tebow then gets a concussion playing at a time where the backup should have been in. Another example is when he tried to cover for his bad performance against Tennessee this year (23-13 win when they were expected to crush Tennessee and its loudmouth coach) by saying that Tennessee was not playing to win. Shut the fuck up, Urban. Admit your offense sadly does not work against a real NFL defensive scheme like Monte Kiffin's. Monte Kiffin knows more football than Urban will ever know, and Urban Meyer still acts like a smartass. Also, Urban Meyer is supposedly buddy-buddy with Belichick, which immediately puts him on the bad list. Urban Meyer, please, please come to the NFL, just so your shotgun spread option can be kicked in the balls and you can go crying back to college like Spurrier, Saban, Petrino and all the others before you.
Jerry Jones
This one is pretty obvious. The guy is a huge egotistical fag. It reached new heights when he opened the new Cowboys Stadium this year. He claimed it to be the best stadium ever, but with a almost carnival-like clown scoreboard and jumbotron, it really is not. It may be just me, but I still prefer Reliant Stadium. What also helps is that Reliant did not cost all of 800 million of taxpayer money. Then, the first game was essentially a Jerry Jones wet dream come to life. 100,000 people in the stadium (which was complete bullshit since 20,000 of those were outside the stadium), girls dancing in cages (cause Jerry loves those ho's... Yeeeehawww!!!!), and a Cowboys loss (the best part). He is also known for using his ego to the absolute detriment of his team, like when he fired Jimmie Johnson to hire his fuck-buddy Barry Switzer. These are the list of teams that have won playoff games since the last Cowboys playoff win (1997): Giants, Eagles, Redskins, Bears, Vikings, Packers, Saints, Buccaneers, Falcons, Panthers, Cardinals, 49ers, Seahawks, Rams, Jets, Patriots, Dolphins, Ravens, Steelers, Colts, Titans, Jaguars, Broncos, Chargers and Raiders. Yup, that's the list, yet Jerry continues to act like he runs a dynasty. Oh, and that dynasty that he did have, they were a bunch of cheating, whoring, drug-addled fuck-ups, who included men who continuosly jacked-off in public (Charles Haley), had choreagraphed six-somes with five women none of whom are his wife (Alvin Harper), and cut teammates in the neck with scissors (Michael Irvin). Stay class, Jerry, stay classy.
Honorable Mentions: Geno Aurriemma, Tim Tebow, Tony LaRussa, Alex Rodriguez, Robert Kraft, Kobe Bryant, Tony Romo.
