- I am a Sports Bigamist, in that I love multiple sports teams in a sport. However, this is not in a perverse way, like a man with a wife and a mistress. It is more in a classic Mormon way, or, if you like, a African way (in some of the villages, the men pimped out with a hut for each wife). I love my teams equally. In football, it is the Colts and the Raiders. The Raiders are my true love, like the Mormon wife who is slightly better looking, the one that is a bit foxier in bed. So if the Raiders played the Colts in the AFC Title Game tomorrow, I would want the Raiders to win. Thankfully, my Raiders are deadset on never allowing that to happen. Its almost spooky how it worked out, the Raiders run of being a competent NFL franchise ended in 2002. The Colts have won at least twelve games since 2003. Anyway, I do love multiple teams, but I spare no expense in following them. It works so well that I'm looking into Mormonism.
- I am one of the five remaining hockey fans in this country. Hockey is great. Playoff hockey is orgasmic. There is nothing better than overtime playoff hockey. Nothing. Not only in sports, in life. Give me the opportunity to walk outside in the middle of the second overtime to pick up a bag containing one million dollars, and I will stay planted in my chair. My sports bigammy comes up here again, being a Devils fan (the more commited wife, the one I have my "real" kids with) and a Sharks fan (the "fun" wife, who I go to one the weekends). I also like tennis..... really. Now, if you are still here after I admitted to liking tennis, I loved Marat Safin, like Rafael Nadal, hate the tool that is Roger Federer. Anytime a man can come out onto a court wearing a fucking blazer and long pants, that man needs to be hated, for life, by society. Anytime a man comes onto court with three different "girlfriends" in his players box, that man needs a standing ovation. Just a hint: the first man is a long-haired odd-looking fellow from Switzerland, the second man starts with "M" and rhymes with "Shmarat Shmafin".
- Other teams I like, the Houston Astros, and Tennessee Football and Basketball (what can I say, I have a soft spot for Orange; bright, nauseating, vomit-inducing Orange), and Liverpool (for those "Americans" not in the know, that is a futbol team (I refuse to say soccer) in the English Premier League). I also hate, with an ever-increasing passio, the New England Patriots and the Chicago Cubs, just abject hatred. I'm sure this is not healthy; hell, I'm not sure this is even humanly possible to hate teams this much. Then, I wake up the next day, check my hatematron 3000, and see that, yes, indeed, I can hate them even more.
- As for non-sports related things. The only TV shows I watch religously are How I Met Your Mother, which I will refer to as "Mother" since I'm lazy as hell, Desperate Housewives ("Housewives"), and Pardon the Interruption ("PTI"). I have other interest, but I feel like I am writing one of those get-to-know-you things that you do on the first day of school in 3rd grade.
So, that's me. As of now, I will write the following each week: Colts recap the day after their games (this will be really analytical, as football is the only sport I feel erudite enough, as well as compelled to, write an actual sports analysis column on). Devils-Sharks-NHL in total-Liverpool-Astros recap once a week during their respective seasons. NFL Power rankings each Tuesday. NFL picks each Friday. Then, I will try to write other columns as often as I can, on any topic I feel like will be interesting, and compells me to write. Hope you enjoy (the two of you that are still with me, mom and bored guy in cubicle 203).
