Let's go to the rankings, because I have some things to say about these here 32 teams.
32.) Buffalo Bills (0-5)
Reason to Frown: The team stinks in almost every capacity. In years past, their defense was at least a bright spot. Their defense is horrible. They cannot rush the passer, which makes their average secondary look much worse than it really is. Their offense now only has two good players, and they have the most boring, irrelevant quarterback competition of all time.
Reason to Smile: The Sabres season has finally started!!!! Plus, a top draft pick is pretty good. Also, they can always just sleep to a tape recording of the 1990-1993 Bills, and remember what it was like to have a real team.
31.) Carolina Panthers (0-5)
Reason to Frown: Their QB battle has become hilariously bad, and their o-line has gotten a lot worse than it was before. Their defense has not been able to replace Julius Peppers, and Jon Beason has not translated well covering at WILL Linebacker for Thomas Davis. Also, their running game is making their fans and fantasy owners want to light themselves on fire.
Reason to Smile: Matt Moore is back. Hey, it worked in 2009! Their running game has been better in the past couple weeks, and at least they have UNC Basketball to look forward to (or Duke, or NC State, or some other team in that area).
30.) San Francisco 49ers (1-5)
Reason to Frown: Their offense is still average at best. Alex Smith is not getting any better, and their o-line has regressed. Their defense was good against the Raiders, but go back a week, and they stunk up the joint against the Eagles. Plus, Mike Singletary is still in their employ.
Reason to Smile: They won their last game, plus their baseball team might be headed to the World Series. Frank Gore proved that he is still a great player. The o-line did not block very well, but Gore had that patient speed thing going and still gashed the Raiders.
29.) Detroit Lions (1-5)
Reason to Frown: They lost another game that was close, which is maddening for a team that can barely win a game anyway. Their defensive line continues to play great, which is sad because the rest of that defense cannot stop Michigan St.
Reason to Smile: Matt Stafford is coming back, and if he finally stays healthy, they could win a couple games. Ndomakong Suh is overperforming the hype, and Calvin Johnson is back. Also, the players from last years draft are starting to perform, like Brandon Pettigrew.
28.) Arizona Cardinals (3-2)
Reason to Frown: They are the worst 3-2 team in the league, having been outscored tremendously in their two losses (41-7 and 41-10). Larry Fitzgerald is just not as explosive without Kurt Warner there, and Beanie Wells is having himself quite a sophomore slump. And then there is the fact that most likely Max Hall is in fact NOT something.
Reason to Smile: Their 3-2 in a division where 8-8 could win it, plus they have the scalp of the defending champions on their resume. Their defense finally put together a game to behold, which was expected from a defense with a lot of good, quality players. Max Hall might actually be something.
27.) Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3)
Reason to Frown: Trent Fucking Edwards might be their starting QB next week, and Maurice Jones Drew has underperformed. I would be frowning too if my team had to endure such plight. Plus, they were just embarrassed on Monday Night Football, which bodes well for their ability to sell out any subsequent home game.
Reason to Smile: Hey, they are 3-3, and have an amazing propensity to suck 80% of the time, but only lose 50-60% of the time. They also beat the Colts, which is all the Jaguars Head Coach really cares about apparently. Plus, they have actually sold out every home game so far.
26.) Cleveland Browns (1-5)
Reason to Frown: They now might be missing their two best skill position players after Cribbs and Massaqquai took hard hits from James Harrison. They traded away their best running back because of what goes on in Eric Mangini's doghouse. Their keep close in games, but lose them all which has to be uncontrollably frustrating.
Reason to Smile: Colt McCoy looked great, considering the defense he was facing. I liked him coming in, but thought he needed a couple of years. He still probably could do with a year on the sidelines learning, but he performed admirably against the league's best defense.
25.) Denver Broncos (2-4)
Reason to Frown: They lost a game in which they deservedly got called for a 46 yard penalty on the other teams 4th and 6 from midfield. They lost a game becuase their center mistook his QB's left thigh for his hands on a snap. They traded a way Alphonso Smith, a guy they gave up a first round pick for, for a 6th round pick and he has been great in Detroit. They have a mad tyrant as a head coach.
Reason to Smile: Demmaryius Thomas might be a rare McDaniels' draft find, and I mean really, really rare. Their defense has played better than thought without Elvis Dumervil. Their offense at least can keep a fantasy team satisfied.
24.) Oakland Raiders (2-4)
Reason to Frown: They lost a game to an 0-5 team, not to mention lost the battle of the bay. They might start Kyle Boller because Gradkowski is hurt and Jason Campbell is JaMarcus-ian bad. Darren McFadden is still injured, and their run defense cannot plug gaps.
Reason to Smile: Michael Bush is a player, and Louis Murphy continues to improve. Zach Miller is turning into a top-10 tight end, and Richard Seymour is playing great. Their secondary still screws up coverages way too much, but Tyvon Branch is becoming a great player.
23.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2)
Reason to Frown: They have played two good teams so far, and have been exposed to the tune of 69-19. They are from Tampa and play the Tampa-2 which was built to not give up big pass plays, and were against a team that couldn't smell a big pass play all year, and give up scores of them. Josh Freeman shows potential, but is maddeningly inconsistent.
Reason to Smile: Josh Freeman is more good than bad, and their top-2 picks from last years draft, Gerald McCoy and Brian Price have been good so far. They have an easy enough schedule that they could potentially go 8-8, and Mike Williams is a damn good young receiver.
22.) St. Louis Rams (3-3)
Reason to Frown: The Chargers are awful on the road, so that wasn't a great judgement game. The Rams still have a lack of wide receivers, as Dennarrio Alexander can't keep making these plays.
Reason to Smile: Sam Bradford. Need I say more. No Donnie Avery, no Mark Clayton. Fuck them all. Give him Dennarrio Alexander, and he beats the Chargers by playing great football. He's might not get the wins of a Flacco, Ryan or Sanchez, but to me he's the best rookie QB since Roethlisberger.
21.) Dallas Cowboys (1-4)
Reason to Frown: Are you kidding me. Is there a point of me listing all the reasons why Cowboys' fans should frown?
Reason to Smile: You can't keep outgaining your opponents by 100 yards and lose forever. Plus, the Super Bowls in your building this year. That should be fun. Of course your team won't be anywhere near that, but at least smile and act nice to the visiting fanbases of the two teams that aren't underachievers.
20.) Seattle Seahawks (3-2)
Reason to Frown: You are not going to play a flaccid Bears team all remaining eleven games. Plus, Matt Hasselbeck is an injury waiting to happen, and Pete Carroll might not be this effective if things get tough.
Reason to Smile: You are the best team in the worst division in football. Marshawn Lynch played great in his first game in Seattle. Your run defense and pass rush is really, and surprisingly, effective.
19.) Kansas City Chiefs (3-2)
Reason to Frown: You lost a game in which you led 21-7, and led by ten with four minutes to go. You still haven't beaten a team with a winning record, and the Chargers are only two games behind, plus still play you in San Diego. Also, Matt Cassel is still average.
Reason to Smile: They are still leading that division, and their running game is great. Plus, take a look at their schedule. Unless they start dropping their level of play considerably, they should be right there for that division.
18.) San Diego Chargers (2-4)
Reason to Frown: They didn't give up a special teams touchdown, and still lost. No excuses this time for the Chargers. Plus, what the hell was that with their pass blocking. The Rams are not good enough to get 7 sacks against anyone. That was embarrassing. And now Gates might be slightly hobbled next week.
Reason to Smile: They have 6 of their next 10 at home, where they are great, plus they have come back from worse before. They still have Phil Rivers who is now my number 4 QB in the league (QB Rankings coming Thursday), and he gives them a chance to win any game. Plus, they only had one kick blocked last week: PROGRESS!!!
17.) Cincinnati Bengals (2-3)
Reason to Frown: They just lost at home to the Buccaneers. Carson Palmer has never been the same since that knee injury in 2005, and their running game is nowhere near what it was in 2009. Plus, their defense has not been able to consistently get a pass rusher going.
Reason to Smile: They still are in all of their games, and you never know. Plus, they don't have the hardest schedule coming up, and TO has been pretty good. Carson Palmer has no where to go but up at this point, right??
Top half of the league, so it is time to build each team up, and then knock them down...
16.) Miami Dolphins (3-2)
Reason to Smile: Their pass rush is great. Bill Parcells might have retired, but his last great find, Cameron Wake, is dominant. Chad Henne looked good and Brandon Marshall continues to play great. Their special teams did not have another horrendous game, and they are a half game off of a wild card spot.
Reason to Frown: They are a game in the loss column behind the Pats and Jets, and still have to go to Foxboro and go to the Meadowlands. That is not the way to come back in a division. Plus, with Bill Parcells out of there, we should see how the brass reacts to adversity without the Big Tuna overseeing things.
15.) Green Bay Packers (3-3)
Reason to Smile: They get a chance to beat Brett Favre, and put the Vikings in a big hole. Aaron Rodgers seems to have finally realized who Greg Jennings is again, and their defense is getting Clay Matthews and Al Harris back.
Reason to Frown: Their pass protection is reverting back to its 2009 standards, and Jermichael Finley was placed on IR. They have lost 3 out of 4, and I don't think everyone still believes that this team is great and Aaron Rodgers is a future hall of famer. Isn't that right, Mr Steve Young from four weeks ago???
14.) Washington Redskins (3-3)
Reason to Smile: They barely lost to the Colts, and have already beaten the Eagles (who they still get in their house), Packers and Cowboys. Ryan Torain looks like a solid player, and Donovan McNabb gets better in that system each game.
Reason to Frown: They lost in a game in which they recovered all three fumbles. That was pure luck that they didn't get blown out, big time. Chris Cooley got concussed, and their pass protection is still not good. Of course, Albert Haynesworth is still not playing. Mike Shanahan is a good coach, but I don't think it is the best idea to have your best player in your doghouse.
13.) Minnesota Vikings (2-3)
Reason to Smile: They catch the Packers at a great time, and with the Bears losing two out of three, are just one loss behind the Bears for first place in their division. Brett Favre has been playing mistake free football, and Randy Moss has been playing well so far (of course, no one would know that since the media only cares about Dieon Branch and his 10.3 yards per catch in New England.
Reason to Frown: They have to go to Green Bay, which is not easy, and their o-line is still having problems. If they do lose to Green Bay, that makes their game in Foxboro almost a must win. There has been recent bad news on Sidney Rice's injury and there is fear he may not return this season.
12.) Tennessee Titans (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They did not play their a game, were missing their starting QB for three quarters, had Chris Johnson play badly for a good 3.5 quarters, and still went on the road and won by 27. They can crush bad teams, which is always a good sign.
Reason to Frown: The Young injury might be another step to finally crowning Vince Young as injury prone, as well as drama-prone. Chris Johnson continues to be slightly lackluster, and their receivers did not have the best game. You don't get to face Trent Edwards all the time.
11.) Philadelphia Eagles (4-2)
Reason to Smile: Kevin Kolb played his second straight game, and might finally have given the Eagles fans the benefit of not having to cheer for a reviled dog killer. Shady McCoy continues to have a great season, and Jeremy Maclin is having the opposite of a sophomore slump. Their defense is playing at a high level.
Reason to Frown: Andy Reid seems intent on making there being a QB controversy when he doesn't have to. It is maddening. First Kolb plays lousy, and you go to Vick. Fine. Then Kolb plays well, and you still might go to Vick??? Come on. It's not like Andy Reid is picking between his two favorite Cheesesteak places? Also, DeSean might be out a while.
10.) Chicago Bears (4-2)
Reason to Smile: Their division will probably end up being nowhere as hard as initially thought, and they really cannot play that bad again. Their defense is still top notch. Of course, all of this pales in comparison to this little fact: Devin Hester.... You are Fucking Ridiculous... AGAIN. Devin Hester is back, and I can't be more excited.
Reason to Frown: Mike Martz intends to get Jay Cutler killed, and Matt Forte is back in his "I will suck 95% of the time" phase. It is not a good phase, for anyone. Plus, they just lost to the fucking Seahawks, who couldn't beat most Division 1A colleges on the road.
9.) Houston Texans (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They won another close game, which reinforces the fact that this is a different Texans team. They have balls, they have guts. They can play close games, and they have the heart to come back in them too. Andre Johnson continues to beast the entire league on a regular basis at this point. Of course, half the media thinks that Dieon Branch is better, but that is neither here nor there.
Reason to Frown: Not only did their defense make Matt Cassel look good, it lost DeMeco Ryans for the year. After Mario Williams, he's the best player on that defense, and his solid presence in the middle allows them to utitlize Brian Cushing as a blitzer. His loss will be felt.
8.) Atlanta Falcons (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They still have that win over New Orleans in New Orleans on their belt, and they haven't lost anyone major to injury. They also have three straight at home coming up, as well as 6 out of 10 at home here on out, and one of those road games is in a dome, one is against the Panthers, and one is in Tampa. They'll be fine.
Reason to Frown: They were pushed around by the Eagles. That was a game that was a good test for them. Beat a good, but not great, team in their building outdoors, and then I would easily have them as the best NFC team. They failed, and failed miserably. Plus, is Roddy White still playing?
7.) New England Patriots (4-1)
Reason to Smile: They avenged that Ravens playoff loss nicely, and Dieon Branch looked fine back in New England. Their young defense was able to force five straight punts to finish that game. Of course, John Harbuagh had the balls of a hummingbird in that game, and Joe Flacco took the checkdown 99.78% of the time late, but five straight punts is five straight punts.
Reason to Frown: He had his moments, but those underneath routes were not as easy for Brady, plus his deepest throw was a 20 yarder to Hernandez. That was it. Their o-line looked average at best. Plus, their schedule is tough, man. Most of the tough games are in Foxboro, but they needed overtime to beat the Ravens there. The Colts won't punt on 4th and inches from midfield.
6.) New Orleans Saints (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They finally scored 30 points and dominated a team, not to mention a team that was 3-1 and was at home. Drew Brees looked locked in. Their defense stepped up and performed well for once. That was a 2009 Saints performance.
Reason to Frown: They still haven't gone 2009 Saints yet. The 2009 Saints score 40+ in that game. Their running game cannot count on great games from Ivory forever, and they have a tough schedule coming up. They need Pierre Thomas and/or Reggie Bush back, and soon. Of course, finding a kicker and hiring Darren Sharper would help as well.
5.) Baltimore Ravens (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They are 4-2 despite playing three road games against all three 1-loss teams in the league, and going 2-1 in those games. Joe Flacco looked good for 3.5 quarters of that game, and the Anquan Boldin addition has really helped his ability. The o-line in pass protection was great against the Pats.
Reason to Frown: That was a horrible loss. John Harbuagh has to trust his running game. Rice wasn't getting more than like 6 yards all game, but he was rarely getting stopped behind the line. Trust your team to smash it in there and get a yard. Plus, that defensed played WAY too passively late in that game, and that is a trend.
4.) New York Giants (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They are now tied for first in the entire conference, and their d-line has put together four straight great games since their debaccle in Indy. Their running game continues to play well, and Brandon Jacobs is playing like a football player again. Eli Manning is quietly having a great year (considering five of those interceptions first hit his receiver). They are the best team in a so far down-NFC.
Reason to Frown: They let the Lions hang around in that game. They should have put them away easily. This is harping on a small point, but when you are this high in the rankings, you should be able to put away a team like that.
3.) Indianapolis Colts (4-2)
Reason to Smile: They are already tied for first in that division, and get the bye week at the best time. They should have Donald Brown, Gary Brackett, Anthony Gonzalez and Jacob Lacey all back and rested and healthy for the Houston game in two weeks. Plus, their other dinged up players get some rest. Their offense has been great all year, and their defense has put together back-to-back solid games.
Reason to Frown: Joe Addai might (or might not... you never know with the Colts) have a serious injury. His presence and importance cannot be stated enough. This could be a huge blow. After Manning, Clark and Freeney, he or Wayne is the biggest potential loss. Plus, the HAVE to stop fumbling. It cost them the Jaguars game, and made that Redskin game seem far close than it actually was.
2.) New York Jets (5-1)
Reason to Smile: They went on the road in a tough place to play, and gutted out a win with a 4th quarter comeback. Great teams win those games. They are also, by win percentage, the best team in the NFL right now, and have already beaten the Pats. Mark Sanchez was able to put together a comeback in a game he wasn't playing well, which is great for his confidence.
Reason to Frown: There is something up with that defense. Obviously, Darrelle Revis is hurt, which has hurt that pass defense, but they allowed 145 yards on the ground to the worst rushing team in the NFL. That was inexcusably bad rush defense.
1.) Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1)
Reason to Smile: They are 4-1, have the best defense in the league, a defense that is totally healthy, have one of the best running backs, and got their star QB back and didn't miss a beat. They also get their chance to play both the Jets and Pats, so they really control their own destiny. That defense is scary good.
Reason to Frown: The Pirates suck. Honestly, that is my only reason to frown for them. I guess you could say they should have made Colt McCoy look worse, but that is really grasping for straws. They are great.
Not Ridiculously but Still Too Early Playoff Predictions
(Just as a disclaimer, these are not a replication of the power rankings above, but use each teams future schedule as a way of determining what teams I think will make it)
AFC
1.) Pittsburgh 13-3
2.) Indianapolis 13-3
3.) New York 12-4
4.) San Diego 9-7
5.) Houston 11-5
6.) Baltimore 11-5
NFC
1.) New York 12-4
2.) Chicago 12-4
3.) New Orleans 11-5
4.) Seattle 9-7
5.) Atlanta 11-5
6.) Minnesota 10-6
'Till Next Time.
