HEEERRRREEEE WWEEEE GOOOO!!!
Miami @ Carolina (-2.5)
Ronnie Brown's injury reminded me of something very, very important about my "10 predictions for the second half" column, and that is everything is void if one of the major players on that team has a season-ending injury (other than Favre, because, come on, the guy's on borrowed time). Ronnie Brown is arguably the most important Dolphin, because he is the guy who makes that Wildcat work. I just don't think Lusaka Polite taking direct snaps are the same. On the other side, DeAngelo and J-Stew are supposed to play, so there is no injury problems there, other than Jordan Gross. However, the Panthers looked mighty fine even after losing Gross against the Falcons. Consider that home teams historically do very well on these Thursday games and the Panthers fans will probably be at their loudest and most violent becuase they realize that with a win the Panthers are right back into it. Honestly, I love this Panthers team right now, love them.
Dolphins 13 Panthers 24 (CAR)
Washington @ Dallas (-10.5)
I would love to pick the Redskins to give the Cowboys a game, but I just can't. The Redskins suck, they just suck. Portis is still hurt, Chris Cooley is still hurt, Jason Campbell is still Jason Campbell, Jim Zorn is still a foolish figurehead. Dallas on the other hand will want to make the fans know that they are not the Eagles after that awful performance in Green Bay. I could see a classic Romo 4 td game to sucker all the fans back in again. It's scary that they will be 8-3 after their slaughter of the Raiders next week and this win. Now, there is no better way to kill off every remaining Cowboys fan than to miss the playoffs for a second straight year after a good start.
Redskins 17 Cowboys 31 (DAL)
Cleveland @ Detroit (-3.5)
What is the point talking about this? Here we have two teams, one whose fans would rather fight and curse each other than care about the goings-on on the field, and the other who just injured their best player with a silly trick-play at the end of the game. Detroit is at home, they have a better coach, they have a better QB, they have a better team.
Browns 13 Lions 20 (DET)
San Francisco @ Green Bay (-6.5)
Alot of half-point lines this week. I always love those, since you can't tie those. Ties are honestly the most devastating thing in the world. Worse than swine-flu, or bird-flu or even Belichick-disastrous-semi-correct-flu. Anyway, Green Bay is alot better than San Francisco. Even the porous (and by porous, I mean fucking Saran-Wrap thin) offensive line couldn't stop this team from just owning Dallas. That defense was suffocating, and Charles Woodson finally played like the old Charles Woodson for the first time in years. Al Davis may be bad at many things, namely running a football team, picking players, pumping blood out of his heart, but the guy can draft cornerbacks. The niners on the other hand are now not playing a team whose QB will throw 5 ints to them. Except for those teams, and the truly crap teams, that 49er team is just not very good. Blame it on Mike Crabtree, blame it on Alex Smith, blame it on the Gods paying them back for their run of luck. I blame it on the coach.
49ers 10 Packers 27 (GB)
Buffalo @ Jacksonville (-8.5)
Teams usually play well the first week after a coach firing to show support for the interim. Now, since the interim is actually an alive man, as opposed to the zombie-ghost form of the guy formerly known as Dick Jauron, that should even improve more. Also, Fitzpatrick is back, and that also has to be an improvement over Trent Edwards, whose ability seemed to die when Jauron did. Jacksonville is easily the worst team in the race, and will continue to be after beating this happless Bills team, but I think it will be closer than expected. That is a high line for an average team whose record is above their skill level of play.
Bills 20 Jaguars 24 (JAX)
Pittsburgh (-9.5) @ Kansas City
After having their manhood stripped from their manly souls last week on their home turf, there is really nowhere to go but up. A little nugget: in 2005, they lost to the Bengals at Heinz which basically conceded the division. They never lost another game that year. Now, I don't think they will run the slate and win the Super Bowl again, but this game is totally in the bag. Kansas City cannot block for shit, they can't protect for double shit and they can't defend for triple shit. Add that up, and you have a full-fledged ass-kicking in Arrowhead. I will be fearing for Matt Cassel's life. Honestly, he might join Dick Jauron in heaven after this game. Over/Under 7 for times Matt Cassel asks out of the game.
Steelers 27 Chiefs 6 (PIT)
Seattle @ Minnesota (-10.5)
Just a hunch, they give Minnesota a game. I still can't trust this Viking team. Also, indoors Matt Hasselbeck and his bunch can go to work. Minnesota still has not beated anyone great, and the only big games they had were a close special-teams induced win in Lambeau and a sloppy loss in Heinz. Seattle is still a very, very frisky 3-6 team and can give a good team fits, like they did with Arizona last week. Also, Detroit had the ball down 7 in the fourth quarter last week, and Detroit could not lick Seattle's coffee-soaked balls.
Seahawks 20 Vikings 26 (SEA)
Atlanta @ New York (n) (-6.5)
Giants are coming off a bye. Falcons are off a Michael Turner injury. Eli Manning has a broken foot, and Matt Ryan has a broken gold-aura-of-brilliance. Honestly, things like Matt Ryan's "sudden slump" are the type of things that make me feel so much smarter than nearly every media member. That guy was never that great to begin with. The Giants have to show that they are for real, and that the four-week losing streak is over with. A good way to do it is against the primary rival for the wild card, and they will. That defense is better than that ballet show they put on the last four weeks, and certainly good enough to get pressure on a now-suddenly below-average Falcons offense. The Giants should be able to run wild on the Falcons front, especially after seeing how a Jordan Gross-less Panther team run roughshot on them. This is a perfect matchup for the Giants to get back on track, and put massive pressure on a Cowboys team that still has to come to the Meadowland Mausoleum.
Falcons 17 Giants 27 (NYG)
Indianapolis @ Baltimore (PK)
This is the dumbest line I have ever seen. Honestly, the disprespect shown to the Colts is absolutely stunning. They just ran off their 18th straight regular season game by destroying the Patriots in the fourth quarter. Sure, they were outplayed in quarters one through three, but there are four quarters for a reason. On the other hand, the Ravens are missing Suggs, and their offense is not clicking like it was early in the season when they were putting up 30 on the Chiefs and Browns of the world. Also, there is the historical advantage that the Colts have. What historical advantage, you ask. The Colts have won the last 7, including their 31-3 drilling of a better Ravens team last year, and their 15-6 slugfest over them in the 2006 playoffs. The Colts are just the better team, in nearly every statistical and analytical way. Every way.
Colts 27 Ravens 13 (IND)
New Orleans (-11) @ Tampa Bay
Now this is an interesting line. This, like last week, is a perfect trap game for the Saints, with the Pats showdows looming on Monday. However, I have a feeling the two-week honeymoon is over for the Bucs. We are now back to your regular-scheduled Tampa Bay Buccaneers programming. And I can't wait. New Orleans needs to show up in close to full flavor, just to get back on track. Ask the Colts, you don't want to enter really big games playing less than your best. I say they show up, throw the ball all over the place, and return to the Greatest Show on Turf that they are.
Saints 34 Buccaneers 14 (NO)
Arizona (-8.5) @ St. Louis
St. Louis looked spoiler-y last week, but after years of watching football, you learn that there are two types of spoilers: 1.) Teams that are legitimately good, but just too far behind the race to get in; Miami and Tennessee are good examples; 2.) teams that suck that will get up once a month and give a earnest effort against a good opponenet; Oakland and St. Louis are good examples. So, St. Louis gave their monthly appearance last week. It was a good show, boys! Arizona is 4-0 on the road, and some of those are against teams that, how do you say, do not suck. In an interesting matchup, this is the Mike Martz QB bowl, as Warner and Bulger square off in the Home that Kurt Warner built. Honestly, every time I watch the infamous clip of an arrogan SOB Martz mocking reporters and disclaiming "Marc Bulger is my quarterback" I have to be resucitated after passing out due to laughter clogging my pipes.
Cardinals 38 Rams 17 (ARZ)
San Diego (-2.5) @ Denver
Come on, people. Is San Diego really all that great. They just beat Oakland by a measly 8 points two weeks ago (and if you think, "8 points, that's pretty impressive", just to remind you, it was the Oakland Raiders). Denver is still a good team. Denver beat San Diego easily in Qualcomm, this is in Denver. Denver at home has beaten New England. They were just outclassed by Pittsburgh at home, but this is not Pittsburgh, this is the worst 6-3 team in the league, a team with no heart and soul. (Yeah, my "Chargers have no heart and soul" parade is back!)
Chargers 16 Broncos 20 (DEN)
Cincinnatti (-9.5) @ Oakland
Bruce Gradkowski is now the starting quarterback. If Russell was still the starter, I would give you some Raider biased spiel about how Russell will play well, and the Raiders get up for every other big home game, and all that crap. However, I can do no such thing. Bruce Gradkowski is just all kinds of garbage. He is the worst. Yes, worse than the fatty remains of JaMarcus Russell. Cincinnatti on the other hand is a team that is still underrated, and even though I feel that they are clearly the second best team in the AFC, probably underrated by me. Good teams win this game with a professional cool, and that's what they will do.
Bengals 31 Raiders 14 (CIN)
New York (a) @ New England (-10.5)
I don't believe this whole "The Pats will be motivated after losing last week and being beaten by the Jets earlier". That's shit, that's what that is. The last time Tom Brady lost a regular season game to the Colts, they lost the following week hosting the Jets. Also, two years ago I was force fed this whole line of "The Pats will want to beat the Jets 100-0 after outing them for Spygate" and the Pats beat them 20-10. Honestly, the only thing more overrated about this team is the Pats supposed vengeance. Every time I am told how the Pats will kill some team or the other becuase of some alleged disrespect, nothing major happens. Same thing here. Rex Ryan has always had success against this team. Now, even after all that, I don't think they will win, keep it close or even cover, but it won't be some 30 point beatdown that all the same idiots who think that the Colts got lucky will expect from this game.
Jets 17 Patriots 28 (NE)
Philadelphia (-2.5) @ Chicago
Why did NBC not flex this? Seriously, Baltimore Indianapolis would have been much, much better (I believe CBS protected Jets @ Pats so that was not an option). That is seriously dissapointing to me. Now, the Eagles are a dramatically better team and the Bears are experiencing a complete team-wide meltdown. It's not all Jay Cutler's fault, as even most of those picks were due to slipping wide-outs and umpire's getting in the way of receivers. That said, they stink. Matt Forte is the biggest fantasy bust (that's right, Steve Slaton, you can't even win that title). Devin Hester has gone from being the scariest, most exciting player in the NFL to a marginally good receiver. Congratulations, Lovie Smith. That's great management.
Eagles 24 Bears 17 (PHI
Tennessee @ Houston (-4.5)
Much of the media seems to like Tennessee in this game. I think it is mainly due to the fact that Houston did not play last week. Byes make people forget teams, but I am not "people." I fucking remember the Texans, and what they are capable of doing, and what they did to Tennessee in Week 2. That was in Tennessee, and the Texans are quite good in home primetime games. Those Texans fans, like the Panthers fans, are great when the Texans are good. Now, the Texans are rarely good, but they finally are. It will also, I assume, be Battle Red time in Houston, and they are undefeated in those. This will also be a very entertaining game.
Titans 20 Texans 31 (HOU)
Enjoy the Games!!!!
