Here we go. Short version, since Christmas-type activities and merriment beckon. Need to go around 12-4 (aka, pull a Manning - 12-4 at least for SEVEN straight years - to keep pace).
San Diego @ Tennessee (-3)
Tennessee, much like Cincinnatti, can give the Chargers trouble with their physicality. I finally figured out who the Chargers are. They are the 2003-2004 Colts. Great pass offense, little run offense when it is truly needed, and a pillow-soft defense against good, tough, physical football teams. At home, this formula works (witness last weeks slug-it-out win against Cincy), but on the road it can create problems. That Nashville crowd will be rocking, with the team finally at .500 and the short week kills teams, especially short week on the road, cross-country against a team fighting for its life.
Chargers 20 Titans 27 (TEN)
Seattle @ Green Bay (-14)
The Jim L. Mora era is coming to a crashing end. In the meantime, that supposed sturdy defense of the Packers is in need of a hug after giving up five-bills to Roethlisberger. Well, there is no better elixir to an ailing pass defense, than to play the Seahawks and their stable of average, backup lineman. Walter Jones, that beast is not coming through the door. AJ Hawk and Clay Matthews will likely get enough frequent-flyer miles flying to Hasselbeck's arms to take an offseason trip to Istanbul. Doner Kebabs, Baby!!!
Seahawks 13 Packers 34 (GB)
Oakland @ Cleveland (-3)
Come on, Oakland. Just get this one. They have been awful after each of their previous four wins. However, JaMarcus played a hand in all of them. People forget that the team was winning 13-6 at halftime. JaMarcus saved them from blowing a lead, not a heroic comeback. They can really get momentum going into that last-week mother-of-all-spoiler games next week against Baltimore. They are playing like a team that knows it missed opportunities earlier in the year (opportunites like shoving JaMarcus out of the team plane on the flight to New York - JaMarcus wouldn't die, as his gelatinous fat will act as a parachute, landing him comfortably among the cornfields of Iowa, where he will be among his own, the heffers!!). As for the Browns, unless Jerome Harrison becomes Jim Brown again, and Josh Cribbs returns two to the hizz-ice, don't see them making it three in a row.
Raiders 27 Browns 17 (OAK)
Kansas City @ Cincinnatti (-13.5)
The Chiefs just lost to the Browns at Arrowhead. They just allowed the aforementioned Jerome Harrison to rush for 286. Come on, this is stealing. Also, you just know Larry Johnson wants to stick it to that douche Haley. He just wants to run for 100, and smack a big kiss on Haley's wife sitting in row one.
Chiefs 10 Bengals 31 (CIN)
Buffalo @ Atlanta (-9)
This line is too high. Matty Ice and Turner weren't exactly killing last week. The Bills are very good at pass defense. They held their own, and really cost themselves the game against the Pats. They can go into the Georgia Dome, which will be a live mausoleum, fans greiving the loss of another Falcons season ending before the second weekend of January.
Bills 20 Falcons 24 (BUF)
Houston @ Miami (-3)
This is the toughest game of the week (outside of the IND game, where it is unbeknowst to me whether Manning is playing the game fully or not). These are two 7-7 teams, and they both have legitimate claims to the postseason. The Dolphins are one of the leaders of the 7-7 pack, while the Texans hold a tiebreaker only against the Titans. However, beating the Dolphins kills two birds. This is a game that the Texans, if they ever want to make the postseason, even be it next season, need to win. The Texans suck in showdown games, witness the dual Fails to the Colts and the loss on Monday Night hosting the Titans. All tough winnable games, all losses. They have to make it stop. Andre Johnson is an absolute man. Also, people are writing them off afther that really flukey 16-13 win over the Rams. A win is a win, they come back in a big way.
Texans 27 Dolphins 24 (HOU)
Carolina @ New York (n) (-7)
Carolina is a great running team. The Giants have alternated between '85 Bears and '08 Lions against the run. Not sure how that will play out. Jakle Delhomme has finally been put on IR, which will probably lend itself to every single Panthers player and fan feeling a giant weight of their shoulders. The Giants are in the thick of the race, and the Panthers "We Gotta Win or John Fox will Lose His Job" Game and Julius Peppers "Wait a Minute, I'm the Most Dominant Force in Football. I can Beat This Crap LT" Game is over for the month. That was last week. Not this one. But, this line feels a bit high for a team that rarely gets blown out, against a team that is better on the road. I hope new Giants Stadium is in a wind-resistant bubble.
Panthers 17 Giants 23 (CAR)
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-14)
This is becoming normal in length, so for games like this one, I will just quote that literary lexicologist, Chad Johnson (Ochocinco) (Hachi-Go): Kiss Da Baby. That's all you need to know. Just like Chad, I have no clue what that means, but in these type of games, it fits.
Buccaneers 14 Saints 41 (NO)
Jacksonville @ New England (-7.5)
Tough game. The Jags can play with anyone. They can run, which as shown by last week is another one of myriad problems with that New England defense. They can cover, and they can put up points and control the ball. They are a team that can give the Pats problems, as long as Garrard doesn't channel his inner Byron Leftwich.
Jagaurs 20 Patriots 23 (JAX)
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-2.5)
They're the defending champs, defending their home-turf. Troy might be back. And come on, we all want 5 8-7 teams and 5 7-8 teams entering Week 17 for those two wild-card spots. KISS DA BABY.
Ravens 16 Steelers 20 (PIT)
Denver @ Philadelphia (-7)
The hottest NFC team in the league is QB-ed by McNabb and coached by Andy Reid. Come on, they can't keep up this torrid pace from now through Jan. They need a game to reassure to their fans that they are still the Eagles. KISS DA BABY.
Broncos 17 Eagles 20 (DEN)
St. Louis @ Arizona (-14)
The Cards just don't get up for those teams. Maybe that is a legitimate criticism of Ken Whisenhunt, but they win most of them. He's still in my top-5 of coaches. Plus, Kurt Warner cannot expend total energy in every game. I would rather him play this one at a octane lower than the max, than do it against Green Bay in round one. As for the Rams, they have played well the last couple of weeks, and look for it to last another week.
Rams 19 Cardinals 27 (STL)
Detroit @ San Francisco (-13.5)
The coach takes his pants off. The team is QBed by Alex "Yeah, I know, my hands are small. You don't need to insinuate that it has anything to do with the size of my doberman, thank you" Smith. Megatron is Megatron. KISS DA BABY.
Lions 24 49ers 20 (DET)
New York (a) @ Indianapolis (-5.5)
This is tough. I say Manning goes all-out one more week, and plays a half, enough time to pad a 21-3 or 17-3 like lead, next week. The defense probably goes without Freeney and Mathis for a long time, but the Jets offense is not what scares me the least. Last home game until Jan 16-17. Please, they show up.
Jets 14 Colts 31 (IND)
Dallas (-7) @ Washington
Let's see. Everyone riding Dallas, the team that just beat the perfect Saints. However, Dallas is still the team that followed a beat-down of the 11-2 Giants last year with consecutive losses to the combined score of 77-30. That bandwagon is stuffed full like a "Joe's Lawn Service" truck in Miami. Washington, who always gets it up for the Cowboys, just got embarrased at home. That bandwagon is emptier than Bill Belichick's soul. KISS DA BABY.
Cowboys 21 Redskins 20 (WAS)
Minnesota (-7) @ Chicago
Cold, snow possible. Brett Favre has looked like excrement in both Arizona (the diametric opposite of Chicago in late-December) and Carolina (not exactly Siberia). Come on, he can't bring it 100%. However, Peterson can, and will. They need this game, because next weeks game will be against a desperate Giants team. They need the game to keep up with the Eagles for that 2 seed. They need this game. Cutler is a gone case this year. It's over for him in 2009. All he has to do is avoid 30 ints. That's it and call it a successful last two weeks. Matt Forte is evidently in witness protection somewhere in Idaho, while lucky fan winner #23 is playing RB.
Vikings 23 Bears 13 (MIN)
Enjoy the Games. More importantly, for my Christian friends, enjoy Christmas. For my non-Christian readers, enjoy break, and the last week of the '00s. Have fun.
