OK. What a game last night. By "what a game" I mean that it was an incredibly enjoyable fun blowout.
32.) Cleveland Browns (1-10)
Its hard to remember them being 10-6 team two years ago. Its hard to remember Brady Quinn being hailed as the future of that franchise. Its hard to remember Romeo Crennel being alive. If I were Mike Holmgren I would kill my travel agent if he books me even one flight to Cleveland. This team has so little talent besides Joe Thomas (and Josh Cribbs, but Mangini is deadset on killing him by year's end) that there is seemingly no real future for the Browns.
31.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-10)
They fought and played hard, which is admirable, but again it was against Chris Redman. For those who don't know, Chris Redman is probably the most nameless QB ever, and was last spotted in the Arena League. He's so bad that the UFL passed him over for Luke McCown and JP Losman. The Bucs couldn't beat that team. Has any team fallen farther in seven years from a Super Bowl title?
30.) St. Louis Rams (1-10)
They continue to play tough, which is a good sign. The management there seems to know what it is doing, those players love Steve Spagnuolo, and Steven Jackson has not just walked out of practice (which any sensible man does from that hellhole), so there must be something appealing about St. Louis. That team, unlike Cleveland, has a future in the making, and you heard it here first.
29.) Kansas City Chiefs (3-8)
Sure I have them below the Lions, and that is becuase if they played tomorrow, I would pick the Lions. This team is still below average at EVERY position, and has a lunatic coach. Their running back who they thought was done just gained 5 more yards in Cincinnatti. It is sad when the Bengals are taking advantage of your castoffs.
28.) Detroit Lions (2-9)
Matthew Stafford gives this team hope. They played better the past few weeks (that Thanksgiving game aside) and they have a good coach. Much like the Rams, they are a much tougher out and a much more viable spoiler than all the other crap teams out there. They probably can't win any more games, but they won't embarass themselves and that city.
27.) Seattle Seahawks (4-7)
This team is just too banged up and too mediocre to do anything. Now, I was wrong, I thought they would be better. I thought Hasselbeck's return and the signing of TJ Houshmanzadeh would make this offense resemble the above average offense they had in 2007. However, I undervalued the loss of Mike Holmgren and the switch to Jim Mora. I know think that Jim Mora is simply not a good coach. He had a completely up and down career, and made only one trip anywhere in the postseason. This team had a long run of great management, and it is over.
26.) Oakland Raiders (3-8)
If they just limit their big plays, this is a league average defense. Bruce Gradkowski continues to give a great Delhomme circa 2006 impression, and compared to the shit impression (that is not an adjective, but an actual impression of shit) by J-Russ, it has this offense at least looking like one that would put up numbers in college. Their running game looked pretty good against Dallas, a team who historically is good against the run. They have the ability to play grear any given day, but just don't seem to be ever able to work on that apparent talent.
25.) Washington Redskins (4-7)
That was a nice performance again, but until they can finish these games, are they really that much better than the teams around them here? Clinton Portis and Chris Cooley are still out, and that makes Jason Campbell far less effective. Campbell is actually a good player (and if he is cut, as I assume he will be because Dan Snyder cannot see things that are pretty clear), I would be all over the Raiders (I like how I just thought I had some contact with the Raiders, but whatever) to sign him.
24.) San Francisco 49ers (5-6)
That was the first time they actually put up a nice win, but they have been playing close and good for 6 weeks now. That said, they have lost four of those six games and the Vernon Davis resurgence may not be all that it was cracked up to be. Alex Smith has continued to be a league average QB, and for that I commend him after all that he has been through.
23.) Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5)
Way to fucking sucker me in. This team is just average in any way. They had a great chance to set them up for at worst a 9-7 record, but absolutely crapped the bed. I never trust these teams that can put up nearly 300 yards of passing offense and only put up 3 points. Every time that redzone took us to that game, they were whistling the ball all over the field, but they, again and this is HUGE, put up THREE points.
22.) Carolina Panthers (4-7)
I picked them again. No, that's not me castrating myself after another time that Carolina snookered me in, but it is what Rex Ryan must have been laughing to himself for the past 60 minutes after the umpteenth Jake Delhomme interception. That was a pitiful performance. Sure he got one really bounce, but my God, that looked like Rodney Peete playing QB. Again, the biggest upset of the year is how Steve Smith has not cold-punched Jake after a pick.
21.) New York Jets (5-6)
Nice performance by a team that can still do a couple of things well, but Mark Sanchez and that passing offense is truly terrible. Braylon Edwards is living off that mirage of the Browns in 2007, and by the looks of Jamal Lewis, Kellen Winslow and the God of the schmucks Derek Anderson, every single member of that 2007 team was an absolute smokescreen.
20.) Chicago Bears (4-7)
Not sure why I have them this high. It's not logical, and they were horrible Sunday. So I'll just move on before I rethink this.
19.) Buffalo Bills (4-7)
It seems like if you give them a legitimate, alive, breathing leader, they will play well. Fitzpatrick doing well while Edwards looks to join ex-Bill Losman in the UFL is probably giving every Harvard grad a major hard-on for finally besting Stanford in something manly. Their defense is a takeaway machine, especially rookie Jarius Byrd who is doing a fine Ed Reed impression. Terrel Owens finally awoke from hibernation, and Ralph Wilson finally awoke from cremation, and they are now off to Toronto!!!!! So, after possible the highpoint of the year, they leave town for a divisional game. Toronto would sell out a Bills scrimmage, so why did they not pick the Cleveland game to go there??
18.) Miami Dolphins (5-6)
That was the epitome of dropping the ball. I bet my future wife that Ricky Williams will never throw another goal-line wildcat pass for the rest of his NFL career. Also, I am soon rethinking my bullish outlook on the career of one Chad "why does my face resemble a blender" Henne. Hopefully he can go out and put up a nice performance over that playpen of a New England secondary, but either way, he may not be better than the Sanchize.
17.) Tennessee Titans (5-6)
I'm still not buying it. They vastly outplayed the Cardinals and yet they needed a last minute TD drive of miraculous porportions to beat a Matt Leinart QB-ed team. I'm not sure if Jeff Fisher and that defense got the memo, but Matt Leinart and his geriatric speed feet and delivery suck. That was not a good performance. If anyone looks past the Vince Young sheen that is blinding every media member, even in the five game win streak, they have two three point wins against mediocre teams (ARZ is at best mediocre with Leinart) and a touchdown win over San Fran. Not exactly the '99 Rams.
16.) Atlanta Falcons (6-5)
Matt Ryan's turf toe may submarine this team if he misses more than the upcoming week. Also, Michael Turner having been run into the ground a year ago may also help bring this team to who they are right now: average. They have a good GM and good QB, but right now they have tons to work on. Somehow, they are the '72 Dolphins at home, but turn into the '08 Lions on the road, so until they get over that, it is occasional splashes of brilliance and continual rabid love for Matt Ryan and his overrated right arm.
15.) Houston Texans (5-6)
They have had roughly 25 "most important games of the franchise" this year and lost them all. Now, that is not a good sign, but apart from yesterday, they were in every game late (for all the talk of the last game being another "close Colts win" they were up 35-20 in the fourth). They remind me of last years Saints, a team that had the offensive firepower to win any game, but were lacking the ability to play great in late moments and hold onto close games. Now, the Saints are now a juggernaut, and honestly, if this Texans team learns to win games next year, the AFC better look out. They are coming, honestly.
14.) New York Giants (6-5)
That was a totally embarrasing performance. Something about this team changed when they entered the Superdome at 5-0. Now, that's being exceptionally dull-headed since they are 1-5 since then, but that Denver game was the game that they would just take care of all of last year and through the first 5 weeks this year. They did not lose these winnable games against mentally distraught teams. Now, they are a mentally distraught team in every way. They were a special group through last year and the first five weeks, a more defensive form of the Colts. They were just a team that took care of business at any turn. That is gone. They can regain it, hell the 2007 Giants did (for all the talk about that team turning on the heat, they were FAR better in the first half).
13.) Baltimore Ravens (6-5)
This is what they are, a good team but one right outside of that playoff window. Sure they won, but that game said more about Pittsburgh than it did about the Ravens. A good, playoff bound contender would have smacked a third-string QB into oblivion, forced him into mistakes and even return a couple for TDs. This team let the Steelers hang around. Flacco seemed far worse than his final numbers indicated, and there were still a couple shoddy coaching decisions. John Harbaugh is still on his coaching honeymoon after last year, but I think it is fair to question him as a coach.
12.) Philadelphia Eagles (7-4)
In the NFL, you play flat every now and then. A team who is substantively worse than you are can put it together, especially a division rival, and put a scare into you (even one coached by Jim Zorn). It happens to the best of teams. Good teams win those games, when you, for whatever reason, play your C game and your opponent gives their A games. The Colts and Pats have been doing it for years (Pats... not so much this year). The Eagles did that on Sunday.
11.) Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)
Again, that loss said alot more about the Steelers mental fortitude than some Ravens resurgence. Had the Ravens lost that game against Dennis "Why are all thes 350 lb Samoan men running faster than my ex-running back" Dixon, that town would have turned murderous. Congrats to the Steelers for manning up and rallying around Dixon. Now, they have suddenly lost three straight games, but probably they would have won the last two with Roethlisberger for the full game. Much like in 2005, when they dropped three straight to go from 7-2 to 7-5, and then next loss in September... 2006. Now, I don't think they are Super Bowl bound this time, but I believe Mike Tomlin when he says that they will not "go gently into the night."
10.) Denver Broncos (7-4)
Great win for them. As much of it was a sign of the Giants lacking what had made them great the last two years, it was a sign of the Broncos rising like a Pheonix from the Kyle Orton beard-shavings ashes. They may just have life yet. They have finally manuevered past that death march of a schedule, and have come out better than anyone thought they would before it started. It may be a let down after that 6-0 start, but after their cake 3-0 start, if you told any Broncos fan that they would leave the DAL-NE-SD-BAL-PIT-WAS-SD-NYG stretch at .500, I'm sure most Broncos fans would have been ecstatic. They have the inside track to playoffs if they take care of business in their three remaining easy games (the duo of KC and hosting Oakland), and 10 should be good enough. Amazing what a week can do for a team's outlooks.
9.) New England Patriots (7-4)
Sure, it is a precipitous drop, but they deserve it. That was just horrendous, just pitiful in so many ways. Sure, the Saints are just a better team, but that was a team not even at full strength. If anyone thinks this team is anything like the 2007 team, just take a gander at this: The Saints were missing BOTH of their starting QBs, and Moss and Welker combined for 9 catches for 102 yards and no touchdowns. Brady was awful. The Saints were rushing just three or four on like 80% of the snaps and still getting Super Bowl XLII like pressure on Brady. That defense had absolutely no answer. Here are the QBs they have faced this year: Edwards - Sanchize - Ryan - Flacco - Orton - Collins - Johnson - Henne - Manning - Sanchize - Brees. To me, only three of those are good (Ryan is just above average), and Flacco put 21 points, Manning put 35 (inclluding 24 in one quarter) and Brees put up 38, but could have easily put up 50 if he wanted. Maybe, just maybe, these "young, fast" defenders just plain suck. Colts fan's have been saying for years that Belichick is average at drafting, and all of his great players (except for Brady, and the occasional first round pick like Mankins and Seymour) were acquired via Free Agency. Their recent bad drafts have left that team old in their good positions, and young at their bad ones. Not a good combination.
8.) Dallas Cowboys (8-3)
Still not buying them to be any higher. They have probably the toughest final five games, with three division games and a trip to New Orleans (just ask New York and New England how fun that is). They are clearly the biggest paper tiger of any of the teams 8-3 or better (Minnesota is a close second), and I would not be surprised if they were 8-6 in three weeks time. However, they are what they are today. Miles Austin has somehownot returned to the mediocreness that he was, and that running game is finally healthy. It will be an interesting next three weeks.
7.) Green Bay Packers (7-4)
They are 7-2 outside of the Vikings games. I think people assumed they sucked after they lost to the Bucs, but after what they have done the last three weeks they deserve to be up here. Their o-line has ben alot better in recent weeks, and that defense is surprisingly running smoothly (i'm pretty sure that those last three words in such order was not nearly grammatically correct, but whatever) without Kampman and Harris. Clay Matthews is a stud and they have playmakers all over the defense. They will be amazing if they can ever get some protection of a Minnesota or a New Orleans.
6.) Arizona Cardinals (7-4)
Can't fault them for barely losing without Warner. That probably ends my prediction of the two seed, but they will still be a dangerous out come playoff time especailly on that carpet in the Humph. This all assumes Warner gets his Lasik in his recent visit to the opthamalogist. The key is that defense which is vastly underrated and can make plays. They hemmorhage yards, but make key stops in the redzone (top-10 red zone defense). That offense (with Warner) can still be prolific. Next Sunday night should be good.
5.) San Diego Chargers (8-3)
I hate giving them credit, but the 2007-2008 Chargers would have lost that game to the Chiefs. They absolutely destroyed that team, and ended all hope of mine that these are the old Chargers. Now, I can still hold out hope when they inevitably lose to the Bengals at home and beat Dallas in Jerry-Mahal, then the real Chargers will be back. However, I think they are the new and improved Chargers, but that means that they will finally LOSE to the Colts in a big game. Also, Philip Rivers seems like he is shot-putting passes, and always makes throwing a football seem like operating vascualr surgery in its diffuculty, but it gets there. It works. By the way, LT is still nowhere near good.
4.) Cincinnatti Bengals (8-3)
Good solid win, especially after last week. What is amazing is that if the Raiders just decided to be the Raiders, and the football Gods did not reward Brandon Stokley for his whiteness, they would be 10-1. This is a great defensive team (and by great I mean tops in the league in scoring defense), one with two great corners and an underrated D-Line. I would be worried going into Cincy on a cold January night with that defense, and those two linebackers (Rivers and Maualuga - fuck knows how to spell that). It seems like they are the new Broncos the way that they have put two castoffs (and by castoffs, I mean people who were rejected by the Salvation Army) at running back and immediately turned them into Barry Sanders. It is amazing. Also, Carson Palmer can always play better than he has, and if he does, watch the fuck out. This team is still going places.
3.) Minnesota Vikings (10-1)
I'm not jumping on yet. First, they still have yet to beat anyone besides Green Bay, and both of those games were close. They needed a miracle hail-mary to beat the 49ers. They needed a missed-chip shot field goal to beat the Ravens. Sure, they have made money out of the Lions and Rams and Browns, Bears and Hawks of the worlds. Any self-respecting team does that. They have two tough games coming up, against a good Cards team and a better Bengals team. If they leave that strecth 12-1, then I'll buy in, but if not, I don't see them beating the Cards come divisional time. Also, Favre has been amazing, just stunning. Having only 3 interceptions is absolutely mindblowing. However, I still don't trust him in a big game to take full care of the ball.
2.) Indianapolis Colts (11-0)
I want them for once to just beat a team soundly. No need for 4th quarter comebacks, or great turnarounds, or sluggish games against subpar teams. Sure, they are winning all of them, despite missing their top cover corner and second best wideout (if you have forgotten Anthony Gonzalez is a stud). They are both expected back in the next couple of weeks, and thank the almighty God for that. This team can get better, and I think it will. Now, I don't see a true loss on the schedule, but the Colts have shown the love for resting up. It hasn't worked too well for them in the past, but historically it is just as effective as playing everyone throughout. All in all, this is a great team, playing their B football four five weeks but winning every game in sight. They just win games, and when they get Hayden and Gonzo back, they have room to improve five-fold.
1.) New Orleans Saints (11-0)
I'll write more about them later, but Holy Shit. That was amazing. If they were pushed at all by the Pats offense, they could have scored 50. They were toying with the Pats defense the way Florida toys with Troy A&T or some shit. More surprisingly, I have never seen a team take away both Moss and Welker and still get pressure. Even in the Super Bowl (heretofore the best way to beat the Pats), Welker ran free. They key was they got pressure with just three people sometimes, and now there is no real good third option for Brady so they could double them both. Also, remember they were missing both Lance Moore and Reggie Bush (who are two of the top-5 targets for Brees in the passing game) and still rolled against the Pats. That was a man-against-boys performance. They truly are the best team in the league right now.
Playoff Projections
AFC
1.) Colts 15-1
2.) Chargers 12-4
3.) Bengals 12-4
4.) Patriots 11-5
5.) Steelers 10-6
6.) Broncos 10-6
NFC
1.) Saints 15-1
2.) Vikings 13-3
3.) Cardinals 11-5
4.) Eagles 10-6
5.) Packers 10-6
6.) Cowboys 10-6
