Let's bang these out early, becuase integrating polar curves beckons.
32.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-11)
Welcome back, fellas!!!! It's been so long, we've forgotten what it was like to see you at the bottom. The Raiders are a joke of a franchise, with an owner who is being exhumed as we speak and a coach who has slapped more wives and ex-wives than won games. Yet, the Bucs are in a worse state seven years after Super Bowl XXXVII. That is hilarious. Looks like the Bucs may have won the battle (that alleged Super Bowl, a one that looks more hilarious when you think that the Colts, Pats and Steelers have made the Super Bowl in seven of the last eight years, and the Raiders are that eighth team). The Bucs have won the battle, but the Raiders won the war.
31.) Cleveland Browns (1-11)
So, they lost at home to a team from sunny California in a 15 degree chill, and they move up!! Such is life in the dregs of the NFL (which is suddenly down to only five truly bad teams). They actually looked good in the beginning of that game, and made a run at the end, but they should have easily given San Diego a better run than that. San Diego turns into pussied-out children in cold, and that was COLD, and they made San Diego look like the 1984 Dolphins. This is all becuase I am not ready to buy the Chargers, so: shame on you Browns.
30.) St. Louis Rams (1-11)
They play hard. They hung tough with the Bears in Chicago (talk about Cold). They play hard for Spags, and now that defense is starting to play better. They have a future, I am telling you. Scott Linehan killed their future, as they went 5-27 the last two years, and now Billy Devaney and Spags have arguablythe hardest job in Sports. What hurts more is that the Rams fans got their panties wet with that Greatest Show on Turf early on. Until the Rams start pinballing that scoreboard again, they will never get fans to come to see them win 23-14 slugfests.
29.) Kansas City Chiefs (3-9)
Sure, they have one more win than the Lions, but they have lost the last two games (division games, mind you, which are generally close) 27-87. That is putrid. That is Buccaneers and Browns bad. Matt Cassel is a bust of JaMarcus porportions (not size porportions, becuase only pre-Subway Jared rivals those porportions, but skill porportions), and now they are in a QB-competition between him and Brodie Croyle. I think that alleged competition made me vomit a bit. That is hard to fathom. Talk about Lamar Hunt turning over in his grave.
28.) Detroit Lions (2-10)
They played pretty well against the Bengals (and that is no small feat, given the Lions roster) and they have even played Jim Schwartz type defense (gap-control, tackle pressure) recently. Like the Rams, this team has a future as well. They have a solid coach (who is an avid reader of Football Outsiders - the best independent run blog on football) and a good GM. The Lions have a good young QB (who is only 21, so there is time to grow) and a stud WR if there ever was one. I'm telling you, Lions fans, hibernate a little for like 5 years, and you will have a playoff team in front of your eyes.
27.) Buffalo Bills (4-8)
The Perry Fewell era lasted long. That was a hopeless performance in Toronto. What was interensting is they ran it with Marshawn Lynch like three times in a row, gaining huge yards each time, ending in a resounding touchdown. Next time they took the field, where was Marshawn Lynch. God knows, probably off creating his tenth child with his eighth baby-momma. Fred Jackson was back in, the team was back to being nothing. Toronto was back to slingboxing and iPhoning and Blackberrying the Leafs game.
26.) Washington Redskins (3-9)
I'll give them credit for playing well, and actually looking like a competent offense. However, if I do such, I also have to hit them upside the head for blowing that game. Someone should make sure that Mercury Morris (or some other random geriatric from that '72 Dolphins team) has not axe-murdered Shaun Suisham. I think I can make a 23 yard field goal. I think I can hit a 33 yard field goal. That was the most indefensible miss ever. How can that happen. We are in a league where kickers are making 45-50 yard field goals with regularity, but this guy misses a 23 yarder?
25.) San Francisco 49ers (5-7)
It's hard to remember that they started the year on a 3 game winning streak from last year, and beat the defending NFC champs. Now, those same NFC Champs come back into Candlestick. Since that game, the 49ers have caved to the demands of a diva wideout and are 4-7 since that game, while the Cardinals look like a better version of a team that made it within one Holmes' catch from a Super Bowl last year. Interesting how it turned out. I'll have you note that I was never on the 49ers bandwagon. I think Crabtree is overrated (he's no Louis Murphy!!!), and that Mike Singletary is over his head. Bill Walsh is turning over in his grave.
24.) Seattle Seahawks (5-7)
Word is that Holmgren is coming back. That is probably enough to excite Seahawk fans, and keep them from drowning themselves in a Kurt Cobain shaped vase filled with a Venti Latte wit Foam. Let's also not forget that they have one two games in a row, and are a capable spoiler. Justin Forsett, who was a beast at Cal, has turned into a Player. Deon Butler has turned into the best D. Butler rookie in the NFL. Matt Hasselbeck hasn't turned into a bald quadroplejic, which is a shock given the pounding he has taken. Jim Mora might keep his job afterall. Also, they are still run by an eccentric billionaire, and they will stay in Seattle for a long, long time, which is a huge plus these days in Seattle.
23.) Oakland Raiders (4-8)
Sure, they are the butt of everyone's jokes. However, they are 2-1 with Gradkowski starting. Honestly, considering every 6-6 team is still alive in that wild-card race, they probably would be a contender had Brucey G started all year. Also, they have beaten the 8-4 Eagles, the 9-3 Bengals and the defending Super Bowl champs. Now, Gradkowski is not the future, but at least he makes the immediate future brighter. For once, it is fun to be a Raider fan. I'll enjoy it for now, since come next week after we lose when Shaun Suisham inevitbly hits a 60 yarder at the gun, it won't be as fun.
22.) Chicago Bears (5-7)At least they won. At least Jay Cutler did not throw a pick. So what if the game resembled a classic Craig Krenzel Bears game? They won the game. That's all I have to say.
21.) Carolina Panthers (5-7)
They were absolutely outplayed by the Bucs. Thank God for Josh Freeman and his never-ending line of end-zone interceptions. Jonathan Stewart played well, and Matt Moore played a great AJ Feeley like performance (sadly, that is better than a Jake Delhomme model 2009 perofrmance). They will probably get waxed this weekend in New England (especially if DeAngelo misses the game again). They will probably fire John Fox (who is amazingly one of the longest tenured coaches in the NFL), they will probably cut ties with Delhomme. Steve Smith will probably slap someone, all is normal in mediocrity-ville.
20.) Atlanta Falcons (6-6)
I honestly have never picked an easier game than that Falcons-Eagles game, with Matt Ryan and Michael Turner out. That said, let's go to that Mike Vick talk. I understand the standing ovation and riotous cheers when he entered the game, but a "We want Mike Vick" chant?? Really? That is indefensible. Matt Ryan may be overrated, but he is better than Vick. Come on, Atlanta. Come on.
19.) Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5)
Not only is this team 7-5, which currently makes them the 6th seed by themselves. They also have a 6-2 conference record as of right now, which gives them a huge tiebreaker advantage over that 6-6 muck. The AFC Wild-Card race will be interesting, but really, unless Troy comes back and Pittsburgh starts playing like Pittsburgh, pointless. We will most likely see two teams 10-6 or worse in the playoffs in the AFC, and a potential 11-5 wild card in the NFC. The NFC is better at the top, and that hasn't happened in a long, long time.
18.) Houston Texans (5-7)
I will say this, they are almost humorous in their inablity to win games. They fumble at the goal line, the can't punch it in to tie a game from 1st and Goal at the 1, and then they throw a RB-pass option at the five which the RB foolishly throws to multiple members of the Jaguars. Rex Grossman looks like Rex Grossman (surprise). I hope they don't fire Kubiak. All those things above, except for maybe the Chris Brown pass, are not his fault. He's a good coach. When this team learns to win, look out. They can be a 12-4 team in a hurry.
17.) New York Jets (6-6)
Nice win in the Canada. Braylon Edwards is a joke. Congrats for that touchdown afterwards, but really, lost it in the lights?? I mean, baseball players, a phylum of athlete much less physically coordinated than that of the football players, catch a far smaller orb, one with a color shade resembling the lights, just fine under those lights. Come on, Braylon. Come on. I guess Braylon deposited his hands in Romeo Crennell's grave during his funeral.
16.) Tennessee Titans (5-7)
They played hard, but showed why they are just nowhere near Indianapolis. They cannot score in the redzone, they lose their cool, and they make dumb decisions (Vince Young, there is a sideline for a reason). When 117 yards is a bad game, you know you are just the illest of characters, Chris Johnson. I'll admit, I was wrong on him. With the dreads, and those facial expressions, I thought he was the RB version of the Pacman, but alas, he can play the game and seems to not get into trouble. Well done, Chris, well done.
15.) Baltimore Ravens (6-6)
You get 175 yards of penalties gifted your way, and you can't win. Honestly, that offense looked atrocious. With Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs out, I expected the team to play average on defense. Their defense actually outplayed that offense last night. The Ravens just could not play with the Packers. Now, if Reed played, they would be better in the back end, because he would not have allowed those completions. They might have played a more competitive game. This is a team that has no business associating with the word "playoffs" but since the AFC is mired in a slew of 6-6 teams, they have a shot. Doubt they get it, but at least there still is a chance.
14.) Miami Dolphins (6-6)
Talk about still having a chance. That was a perfect Parcells like ugly victory over the Patriots. The Pats compiled the stats, but they were not ready for the gunfight at the end. Tony Sparano was. This team, without any use of the wildcat, was ready to go offensively. Now, that might say more about the defensive state of the Patriots, but they made plays when necessary. I said in my "10 predictions for the 2nd half" that either them or the Panthers would make a run. I thought it would be Carolina, but at least I had the right team in there.
13.) Pittsburgh Steelers (6-6)
Really, Oakland?? Really. That was a weird game. They looked purely 2000-Baltimore-ian in the first three quarters. What happened?? That defensed resembled New England (yup, I said it) in the fourth quarter. Troy Polamalu cannot possibly mean this much. I mean, I guess he does, but really that is not Steeler football. I thought all along that Tomlin's "We will unleash hell in December" was a creed that would inspire this team to win out... until they play Indianapolis, but I was wrong.
12.) New York Giants (7-5)
Good win. Good special teams. Brandon Jacobs finally did something. Eli Manning made Eli Manning like throws. Their defensive line actually did something for the first time in years. Steve Smith and Hakeem Nicks played well. That back-line of the defense stiffened when necessary. Good performance. Doesn't entirely make up for the ultimate dump they took in Denver last week, but at least it puts them in perfect position to win that division, assuming they win this week against Philly.
11.) Dallas Cowboys (8-4)
That wasn't totally Romo's fault, I'll give him that. However, that was pure Dallas-ian football. They gained more yards, they turned the ball over fewer times, and they even won the Time of Possession by nearly 2-to-1. However, they lost because they disregarded Special Teams, and did not make the key stops. They celebrate after doing nothing, they can't tackle the slowest running back in the NFL (at least until the Raiders start running Fat-Russell as a goal-line FB). They are here for now, but they have the hardest of schedules remaining, and it would not shock me to have them outside the playoffs again.
10.) New England Patriots (7-5)
Really, I should have them lower. They have done nothing to deserve even this spot. They are now 1-5 on the road, and 0-5 playing away from anywhere with the name "England" not involved. They rack up stats, but not points. Even their performances that are lauded by the media, like their first Miami win, where off performances. Evidently, Tom Brady may not be God incarnate after all. I loved how before the Pats last drive, Jim Nantz said some "How many times has Tom Brady done this before". I laugh at those. Peyton Manning has 6 fourth quarter game winning drives this year. Brady has a total of 0. Absolutely none. His last was the game against the Ravens in 2007.
9.) Green Bay Packers (8-4)
Quietly they have won 4 in a row. They are mightily impressive on defense, unless they are playing Minnesota. Since they have an eaiser schedule than any of the NFC East trio, they will probably end up with the 5 seed, and I will take them over the NFC East winner, no matter who it is. They are a team that will become a powerhouse of the NFL in a couple of years. That defense is loaded with young talent. If they just had a semi-competent o-line (and it has been better recently) I would have them challenging the top-3 of the NFC.
8.) Denver Broncos (8-4)
A tale of three seasons for the ages. San Diego better watch its back. This team is for real again. Now, I expect Indy to push them around next week, but they will be a loud out in the playoffs. They will most likely get a wild card, and New England, San Diego or Cincy, whoever ends up playing them, will have a tough game on their hands. I love all of this, since that only means those teams beating themselves up before they get to the Colts.
7.) Philadelphia Eagles (8-4)
If DeSean is back next weekend, it will be an interesting game with them and the Giants. I don't think that Michael Vick will be anything the rest of the year, it was a one time deal to appease the Atlanta fans, but it was good to see him play once. As for the Eagles, their schizophrenic nature is hard to handle (what the hell happened in Oakland?), but they are a team that, like Green Bay, is quietly 8-4, in perfect position to make a run at this thing. Now, I don't think they are nearly as good as either Arizona, Minnesota or New Orleans, but they will make that NFC race really interesting.
6.) San Diego Chargers (9-3)
If they are 11-3 after two weeks, I will be very afraid. However, I still don't trust them. They have a New England quality to them, where they are world-beaters against the bad teams, but lay down against the good teams. I rewatched the first half of the Chargers-Steelers game a couple days ago on NFL Rewind, and it was shocking to see them turn into sheep led into a manly slaughter they wanted no part of. They are another team that wants no part of a gunfight, and that is why I think that they will lose their bye two weeks from now against Cincinnatti. Either way, they seem to still play well against the Colts, so I am all in favor of the Steelers sneaking into that 6 spot and knocking off the Chargers in round one.
5.) Minnesota Vikings (10-2)
Just remember, Favre is 40. Now, most teams aren't as good as the Cardinals, but sadly, they still have to play some of those teams (Giants, Bengals). It wasn't a good start for the Game 12-16 stretch for Favre, the exact same stretch he mailed in last year, with an "injury" to his shoulder. That team was just so overmatched Sunday Night. Not exactly a good precurser with Cincinnatti coming in 12 days. That will be a fight that Favre, in his advanced age, probably wants nothing of. In the mean time, this is still a good team, that goes to the next level at home. So, assuming they don't blow up in a ball of fames, they should get the two seed in front of that raucous crowd.
4.) Arizona Cardinals (8-4)
That was mighty, mighty impressive. They blocked better, ran better, passed better, tackled better, covered better, and even returned better than everyone's darling team. Kurt Warner looks to have full recovered from that head booboo, but something tells me that he probably considered retirement after EJ Henderson's freak femur injury. That defense plays with a Pittsburgh intensity (and that means the good Pittsburgh, and not the "raise Hell in December" Pittsburgh.
3.) Cincinnatti Bengals (9-3)
I am surprised why people hammer this team for not getting up for the Browns and the Lions. Isn't that exactly what we loved about the 2003 Patriots, the team that most resembles this Bengals team. They play solid defense, best in the NFL. They have two great cover corners. They can run the ball to the effect of 3 different 100 yard rushers in the last three weeks. Ochocino finally looked like Chad Johnson. This team keeps winning, and even if they go 1-1 in their two week armeggedon of a road-trip, they will still "raise hell in December". It's almost as if them and Pittsburgh switched places in the offseason.
2.) New Orleans Saints (12-0)
I'll give them credit for winning a game where they were far from their best. They are going undefeated. This was their Baltimore game that New England had two years ago. They were supposed to lose that game, everything was set up for a letdown to a bad team. Neither did, both went undefeated and the Pats lost the Super Bowl...... mmmmmm...... makes me happy.
1.) Indianapolis Colts (12-0)
Just like that team at 32, WELCOME BACK, BOYS!!!! That was a great performance against a hot team. They could've one that game 45-10 if they wanted. They, unlike the Pats and Saints, lay up against teams they have in a chokehold at halftime. Also, don't assume they will just lay down and sit players when they lock things up. In 2005, they had locked everything up when they were 13-0. They played Manning, and Harrison, Wayne, Freeney et al against San Diego. They chased perfection in 2005, and I say they will do the same, to some part, in 2009.
Projected Playoff Seeding
AFC
1.) Indianapolis 15-1
2.) Cincinatti 13-3
3.) San Diego 12-4
4.) New England 11-5
5.) Denver 11-5
6.) Pittsburgh 10-6
NFC
1.) New Orleans 16-0
2.) Minnesota 13-3
3.) Arizona 12-4
4.) Philadelphia 11-5
5.) Green Bay 11-5
6.) New York 10-6
