MLB Playoffs: Breaking the ALDS's Down

Picture credit to www.mw32.com

So, after that masterpiece on Wednesday night, we have to sit down and look at what lies ahead: October baseball. I'm already stocking up on extra nails to bite off over the next four weeks. Overall, this might be the best field we've had in the playoffs in years. For the second straight year, the fewest wins of any playoff team is 90, and this year we have more good teams then ever. The top three in the AL won 97, 96 and 95 games, and the top three in the NFL won 102, 96 and 94 games. These are all good teams, and other than Arizona, all teams that are not surprises in a way. The AL returns three teams from last years' playoffs, with the Verlanders replacing the Twins. The NL has the Phillies, which was kind of obvious, and the Cardinals, who while a surprise, have been playoff staples over the last decade. The Brewers were my pet team, so I'm not surprised in any way. The D'Backs are a huge surprise, but they were good from the beginning of the season, and then after that 11 game win streak took over the NL West lead and never really came close to blowing it. This is a deep playoff slate, and I'll be surprised if we get any sweeps.

Detroit Tigers (95-67) vs New York (97-65)

The Yankees were the best team in the AL, but the talent difference between these two teams are not that huge. On offense, the Yankees got less than years from A-Rod, Teixeira, and Jeter (who did quietly build his batting average to .297 but didn't even reach 100 on OPS+), but got great years from Granderson and Cano. This might be the changing of the guard, but I'm not sure if that is a good thing. As for the Tigers, Miggy had a quietly great year, again with a .344/.448/.586. Alex Avila went from unknown to very good offensive catcher. V-Mart batted .330, which begs the question why the Red Sox ever got rid of him. Overall offense, the Tigers scored 80 fewer runs, but also played 81 games in an extreme pitchers park. The Yankees team OPS+ was 106, while the Tigers were 110+. They aren't just Verlander and a bunch of nothing.

On pitching, they really are pretty much Verlander and a bunch of nothing. Doug Fister has been brilliant since coming over from Seattle, but didn't really pitch great against any good teams in Detroit. Scherzer really fell off in the second half. The bullpen is good, especially in the back end with Valverde, but I've never had too much confidence in him. As much as the hitting is far closer than most people think, the Yankees have a surprising edge in pitching, The Yankees gave up just 657 runs (3rd fewest in the AL) and the Tigers gave up 711 (8th in the AL) despite having a great pitcher park. Verlander is great, but Sabathia is really 98% as good. A lot of the Tigers perceived edge in pitching is just the way Verlander has been mythologized this season.

Yes, Justin Verlander has been the most exciting pitcher in baseball this year. Yes, he is probably the best pitcher in the AL, but those two things are not the same (Clayton Kershaw had just as good of a year. Kershaw is in the NL, but plays in a good offensive division with Colorado and Arizona, and had better stats in most categories). Verlander's biggest draw is that 24-5 record, but if 2009 and 2010 thought us anything, it is that wins are meaningless. Three of the four Cy Young winners in that period had 13 (F. Hernandez), 15 (Z. Greinke) and 16 (T. Lincecum) wins. Verlander won 24, but really, that doesn't mean much. The rest of his stats are great, and are in all ways better than CC, but would I be surprised if the Yankees win one of the two possible Verlander starts? No, I won't. The Yankees are probably deeper at pitchers #3 and #4 (and Jim Leyland is promising he won't start Verlander Game 4). The Yankees have the far deeper bullpen. The Yankees are the better team.

Odd Stat That Doesn't Mean Much but is Interesting: The Yankees haven't beaten a team in the ALDS other than the Twins since 2001. They beat the Twins in 2003, 2004, 2009 and 2010, and were knocked out in the ALDS in 2002, 2005, 2006 and 2007.
Pick: Yankees in 5.

Tampa Bay Rays (91-71) vs Texas Rangers (96-66)

They met a year ago in the ALDS, in what was a series totally opposite to this one. In 2010, the Rangers were the surprise, winning the AL West for the first time since the 90's with a 91-71 record, and the Rays were already making their 2nd playoff appearance in two years at 96-66. The records are opposite, and so are the teams. The Rangers don't have the offense they did back when it was Tex, Kinsler, Young and Blalock along the infield, but their offense is simply better than that of the Rays. The Rangers were 1st in batting, 2nd in SLG and 2nd in OPS. They are deep, with 9 starters and their top 2 backups having OPSes above .700 and OPS+es ranging from 84 to 171. Josh Hamilton had another great year despite missing six weeks. Their biggest strength might be that they had the fewest strikeouts of any team in the AL.

The Rays aren't built to put up big offensive numbers, and even in 2008 in their apex, they weren't. BJ Upton had a really nice second half, and has shown he can go on power surges. What they all collectively do is draw walks and a lot of them (3rd most in the AL). They also play in a pitchers park that depresses some of their stats. All of them are solid, with their top 11 having seven players with an OPS+ above 115. That all said, it is clear that, and for the 2nd year in a row in this matchup, the Rangers have the hitting edge.

Ironically, the Rangers have the sizable pitching edge as well. It isn't that the Rays are bad, but that the Rangers quietly were really, really good in 2011. They had the 3rd best run differential (+178) in baseball behind the Yankees (+210) and the Phillies (+184), and a lot of that is pitching. Unless the Rays want to pitch Matt Moore as a starter, the Rays will have to pitch either someone on short rest, or pitch Wade Davis or Jeff Neimann, neither of whom are that great. Hellickson, Price and Shields are all good, but Price did not have a great end to his season. On the surface, the Rangers don't look to be better, but they play in an extreme hitter's park. All five starters have an ERA+ over 100. CJ Wilson put up great numbers all year long. Matt Harrison and Ariel Ogando have been solid all year. What makes it better for them is that they have the better bullpen too. The Rangers just have a better team on offense and defense.

Odd Stat That Doesn't Mean Anything but is Interesting: 6 times two teams have met in back-to-back ALDSes since 2001 (The Angels and Red Sox met three straight times, but in this excercise, that counts as two different back-to-backs), and the winner of the first meeting is 4-2 against the other team. The two times it switches was the 2002 Cardinals beat Arizona after losing in 2001, and the 2009 Angels beat the Red Sox after losing in 2008. The 2003-04 Yankees beat the Twins, the 2009-10 Yankees beat the Twins, the 2005-06 Cardinals beat the Padres, and the 2007-08 Red Sox beat the Angels.
Pick: Rangers in 4.


NL Coming Tomorrow

For Just One Night

After it all, the best part was three teams were one out away from winning, and all three needed to be blown for the Cardinals and Rays to clinch the playoffs, and all three were blown.

After it all, the best part is that all those people who said the Red Sox were dead after their 2-10 start to the season were somehow right.

After it all, the best part is the fact that the Yankees were up 7-0 before they trotted out guys named Golson, Romine, Ayala, Dickerson, Nunez, Laffey, Valdez, Brackman, Wade and Proctor.

After it all, the best part is that two of the best closers in baseball blew leads in the 9th inning, and for once, the Red Sox probably wished that Mariano Rivera pitched in the ninth.

After it all, the best part was that literally three minutes after the Orioles walked off with the 2011 Red Sox's scalps, Longoria hit a walk off home run to clinch the Rays 3rd playoff berth in three seasons.

But really, after it all, the best part is that October, a month filled with sacred, chilling, pulsating moments between pitches deep into cold nights, has not even started yet.

People say baseball is dead. People say the "national pastime" is so out of touch with the modern generation that it will soon be the 3rd sport in the US. People can say whatever the fuck they want, but on nights like last night, baseball is the best sport on earth. Facebook and Twitter erupted with baseball related statuses. Most of them were some knock on the Red Sox (whose fans will milk the living shit out of this collapse despite winning a championship in every sport since 2004). However, beneath all the silly jests on the Sox expense, there were many Facebook statuses that rang the same tune; "What a night of baseball!"

It was a night to rejoice in the game famous for having no clock and little action. It was a night to sit and watch three great games simultaneously going on, and all ending in stunning fashion. One of the biggest take-aways from last night was that the 2011 Braves and Red Sox have the biggest September collapses in the history of the MLB. However, even if those two teams hadn't blown huge September leads, and they were just in a daily battle with the Cardinals and Rays, that would have been the greatest closing night in MLB history.

That was a night that only baseball could give you. It is the only sport with rain delays, which allowed a 9 inning 4-3 game to end simultaneously with a 12 inning 8-7 game that started at the same time. It is the only sport where walk-off hits are common occurrences (in hockey, it isn't that common in the regular season, and then playoff hockey is just a different animal), and we got two within three minutes of each other that combined to give the Red Sox fans just one more thing to cry about. It is the only sport with 20 seconds between plays where that time is filled with tension (unlike the 35 seconds between plays in the NFL that is filled with nothing), and the tension was greater than anything I've seen in the regular season. Finally, baseball is the only sport where momentum changes often and that it is ingrained in the body of the game. The Red Sox had 1st and 3rd with no outs in the 9th inning, and didn't get an insurance run. The Yankees had 1st and 3rd with one out in the 11th inning, and didn't get an insurance run. Both teams would pay, or more exactly, the Red Sox would pay in both instances.

The drama in the AL really overshadowed what went down in the NL, and probably allowed the Braves to kind of be off the hook outside Atlanta, but it was as crazy. The Braves all season long have forced their top three bullpen arms to pitch way more than necessary, often to great results. They finally got tired, with star closer Craig Kimbrel blowing a 9th inning lead, just like what happened in Tampa Bay and Baltimore. The Cardinals were the only team to not give their own fans heart attacks, blasting the Astros 8-0 (in this, the Astros now had the worst season in the MLB since the Royals in 2005 - the same year the Astros made it to the World Series). The Braves finished their misery 25 minutes before the Red Sox and Rays decided to play play on two stages, and it was a great, if miserable, opening act.

Dan Johnson, Nolan Reimold and Robert Andino combined to kill a team that this offseason spent nearly 300 million in getting Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez. Dan Johnson was hitting .108. Nolan Reimold is living off of one good year three years ago. Robert Andino is, well, Robert Andino. Those three wouldn't make the Red Sox roster, and they were the stars of the show. Jonathan Papelbon and the array of Yankee pitchers who decided to make cameos in the most important game for the Red Sox this season were the villains, and what better way to have it, with the Red Sox relying on their closer who had been brilliant in 2011, and the Yankees deciding to everything but openly throw a 7-0 game. It was dramatic, but it was comedic, with one team playing as hard as they could but still losing, and then needing their biggest rival to win, and that rival after taking a 7-0 lead playing as ambivalently as they could and inevitably losing.

The most dramatic part of all of the games was probably the 9th inning in the Red Sox-Orioles game, and that provided the most expansive ending. The best part was its finish, with speedy Carl Crawford messing up in the field and not getting to Andino's line drive. Carl Crawford never really wanted to go to Boston, but he was leaving Tampa, a place that couldn't afford him and had a replacement waiting in Triple A. Carl Crawford, like most mortal men, was won over by money to play for Boston, where he's done nothing but disappoint. In the end, Tampa used him well in 2011, capitalizing on his mis-field. The Rays, it seems, always know just when to get rid of players.

Going into last night, I was hoping for at least one 1-game playoff. All the one's in my time of watching baseball have been incredible. First was the Rockies/Padres 13-inning affair in 2007 where the Padres' Trevor Hoffman blew a 2-run lead in the 9th and it ended with Matt Holliday scoring a run in which he still hasn't tagged home. The next year, the White Sox beat the Twins 1-0 in a great pitcher's duel in game 163. The next year, the Twins closed out the Metrodome in 13 innings against the Tigers. I wanted a one game playoff. That said, I will take what I got last night every single time. I wrote last year that the chance to see Roy Oswalt pitch playoff games again will get me to love baseball again the way I used to when the Astros played back-to-back nail-biting NLCSs in 2004-05. That wasn't totally true, but it was last night. Night's like that, filled with drama and comedy and errors and struggle are what baseball is all about. Nights like that show why baseball is still around, still relevant, and can still captivate a nation of sports fans. Nights like that are why I, and so many others love baseball, because for just one night, anything, like winning when down to one strike, like Red Sox fans rooting hard for Yankee scrubs, like great closers blowing leads, like winning when down 7-0 in the 8th inning in a must win game, anything can happen.

MLB Season Ramblings Ver. 1

So, while the hockey Stanley Cup Finals and NBA Finals go on concurrently on alternating nights, I'll take this time to do the only thing that makes sense: talk about the MLB Season that is about 2/5 of the way through.

= The Brewers are back!!!! Them forcing the Phillies to 7 in the NLCS was my second most daring prediction preseason (after the one to come later - the one that really made me look stupid, moreso than picking against the Packers in the title game and Super Bowl). My reason for picking them was that loaded offense and the addition of Zack Grienke and Shaun Marcum. Well, 2-3 on that one. Greinke has been a disappointment, but is getting stronger each start. Marcum is the big surprise. He has been amazing so far. Either way, the offense has been great, with both Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder putting up huge stats (not a surprise at all). Both have an OPS+ over 160. The Brewers, in my opinion, will pass the Cardinals for good come the all-star break.

= The other big prediction was the White Sox winning the world series. In my defense, they are 18-11 in their last 29 games, which is probably more close to their actual ability than their 11-22 record in the 33 before that. The White Sox aren't that far away from an Indians team that seems to have already fallen back to earth. I'm probably not going to see that prediction vindicated, but their offense has been better of late.

= The AL East is still really, really good. I think the Yankees are actually overachieving in a way. Sure, Texeira and A-Rod haven't had their usual great years, but A-Rod might never have those types of years again. He is 36. He's past his prime, and that's also why I think he might not reach Bonds' record. Their pitching is still relying on getting good production from Freddy Garcia and Bartolo Colon. Come on! That has a lower chance of lasting than Justin Bieber of staying relevant in 2020. The Red Sox are still my pick to win that division, and the Blue Jays are still lying around, just 4.5 games back. Should be fun.

= By the way, at what point does this Mariano Rivera thing end. The guy is 41, and you can make a case that his last 10 years were better than the first ten. I mean, over the last 9 years, he had one year with an ERA over 3, and then eight with an ERA under TWO!!! This is absolutely insane at this point. Fuck Jeter. Mariano is easily the greatest Yankee of this past generation of Yankee greatness.

= The two people that the Astros cast aside last year are both performing well. I guess the Phillies are trying to limit innings, because they've used Oswalt like he was 21, but he's still pitching great, with a 2.70 ERA, a 143 ERA+, and a higher than normal BABIP. His K rate is down, but Oswalt has been money for the Phillies, and has more than outpitched Cliff Lee this season. On the other side, Lance Berkman leads the fucking NL in SLG, OPS and OPS+ this season. Now, he's hurt, and his great start probably won't last anyway, but his resurgence has made me smile.

= What else has made me smile is that Albert Pujols has finally stopped being an automaton with the inability to play anything less than superhuman. Sure, he recently had back-to-back walk-off home runs, but he's still hitting below .280, and more than that he's OBP-ing .353 (his previous season low was .394). He's slugging .473 (previous low is .561). His OPS+ is 132, while his previous low is 151. Albert Pujols is still a very good to great player, but in my opinion, this is a harbinger of a slow decline for Pujols, something that honestly strengthens his "I never took steroids" stance.

= Derek Jeter has a 79 OPS+........................................................................................................... And that makes him the second worst major player on the team............................................ That is all. Actually, I will add this. If Derek Jeter gets a higher percentage of 1st ballot hall of fame votes than Mariano Rivera, the BBWAA should no longer vote for the hall of fame.

= The Diamondbacks make no sense. Their best hitter has an OPS+ of 126, but then again, only one of their regulars is worse than 100. They have only one starting pitcher with an ERA+ over 100 (Ian Kennedy, who is ironically much better at this point than Phil Hughes), but also have three bullpen guys above 240. I don't think they have the lasting power to keep up with the Giants, and the Rockies will make their annual run, but for a team that just four years ago had the best record in the NL and a host of young players, the Diamondbacks sudden rise seems a lot more real than the Padres last year.

= I love the Rangers. They make no sense. Nellie Cruz is having an off year. Josh Hamilton was hurt for 30 games. Mitch Moreland is their best hitter. That all said, they are #2 in batting, #4 in OBP and #2 in SLG in the AL. Then, they are #5 in pitching even though their best two pitchers are youngsters CJ Wilson and Matt Harrison. The Rangers are really a great organization, and remind me a lot of the Angels in the middle of the decade, with the team just good, even though everyone seems to be playing just okay to good.

= Then, there is that other team in Houston. To end this rambling baseball column, I'll talk about my team, the one who was recently sold to a guy who's debt envies the McCourts, and the team who just promoted a still too green Jordan Lyles probably just to sell tickets. The worst thing is I am sure that Hunter Pence will be traded midseason. He's been one of the most consistently good players in baseball. Did you know that Pence has the same career OPS+ as Robinson Cano, the man that the national media fellates daily. He's having a great year. Hunter Pence is the only reason to even think of the Astros at this point, and I'm really sure he'll be a Giant by August.


Baseball is just a grind, and there is still about 100 games to go for each team, which makes me love it all the more. So much is gone, so much is there to digest, and there is still so much left. It never ends, it's eternal, and that's why it is great.

MLB 2011: NL Preview

Now for the NL

NL East

1.) Philadelphia Phillies
2.) Florida Marlins
3.) Atlanta Braves
4.) New York Mets
5.) Washington Nationals

The Phillies have problems on offense, as Rollins is aging, Utley is hurt, and Howard is seemingly declining. They need youngster Domonic Brown to really step up. They also need a closer to do well until Brad Lidge returns, and need Brad Lidge to be something closer to Brad Lidge of 2008 instead of Brad Lidge in 2009. That said, that pitching rotation is too good. They have two of the three best active pitchers in terms of a career-long resume, with Halladay and Oswalt (in my opinion, with Johan as the other one). Cliff Lee is basically the new Greg Maddux, and Cole Hamels was amazing last year. They are just amazing. If they stay reasonably healthy, they should easily win this division.

The Marlins are really underrated. Their offense should be amazing, with Hanley, and another year of development from Logan Morrison and the great prospect Mike Stanton. With Josh Johnson, they have a front line pitcher. Their flier on Javier Vazquez could pay off well. This team doesn't have a whole lot of depth, but the Marlins will always have a few cards in their deck in that farm system.

The Braves are still a good team, but they will have to rely on Tim Hudson having another great year, and a lot of their batters continuing to play well. I just don't see them as a team that will easily play as well as they did last year. The Mets, if Johan was healthy, I would think is an intriguing sleeper, since their offense still has a lot of talent, and they should be more healthy this year, the Mets do have the players. If Johan comes back near the ASB, they should be a team that could challenge late. The Nationals will be good in a couple of years. I just hope that the Jayson Werth contract doesn't kill them.


NL Central

1.) Milwaukee Brewers
2.) Cincinnati Reds
3.) St. Louis Cardinals
4.) Houston Astros
5.) Chicago Cubs
6.) Pittsburgh Pirates

I love this Brewers team. They have two great pitchers heading the staff, including Zack Greinke, who's numbers in 2010 were a lot worse than how he actually pitched and now gets to come to the NL. Yovani Gallardo is an up and coming star. Shaun Marcum had a great year last year, and should get the AL to NL bump. Their offense is just loaded, with Fielder, McGehee, Weeks and Braun as the headliners, with capable players like Corey Hart behind them. The Brewers are surprisingly being held under the radar. They might start slowly as Hart and Greinke get healthy, but when they do, look out.

The Reds are really no worse than they were last year, but I doubt Votto has that good of a year again in 2011. Jay Bruce could take another step up to balance that, however. Their pitching is still a work in progress. I just think that the Brewers are a step ahead this year, and have leapfrogged a Reds team that stayed the status quot over the offseason. The Cardinals still have Pujols and Holliday, and a possibly rejuvanated Berkman, but without Wainwright, their pitching is now thin. Dave Duncan could work his usual magic, but its getting a little hard this year. They still have Pujols, but even he needs help.

Picking the Astros to finish fourth as actually a real stretch. However, they finally embraced the youth movement, and although their youth movement won't remind anyone of the Rockies youth movement in 2007, or the Rays youth movement in 2008, but it is interesting. I've seen more fantasy magazines pick Bud Norris as a sleeper pitcher than I can imagine. Chris Johnson, Hunter Pence and Carlos Lee at least provide some hitting ability (their fielding, not so much). I just don't know where the Cubs are headed. They are full of past-their-prime stars like Zambrano and Aramis Ramirez. Their young players like Randy Wells and Starlin Castro could make them intriguing, but I just don't see much there. The Pirates are the Pirates. I think they are finally headed in somewhat of the right direction, but they are still a couple years off.


NL West
1.) Colorado Rockies
2.) San Francisco Giants (Wild Card)
3.) Arizona Diamondbacks
4.) Los Angeles Dodgers
5.) San Diego Padres

The Rockies are a fun team, and they have one of the best pitchers as well as two of the best hitters in Carlos Gonzalez and Troy Tulowitzki. Dexter Fowler had a under the radar nice year last season, with a nice OBP. Their pitching has better depth than it usually does Jorge De La Rosa coming off a nice season and youngster Joulys Chacin coming on. The Rockies are a team that easily could have made the playoffs last season, and if Tolu is healthy for the entire season, than they should win the west.

The Giants had a dream season last season, and history probably won't repeat itself. Their pitching will still be great, and Tim Lincecum should improve from his 2010 performance. With a full year of Buster Posey, their offense should be better. Aubrey Huff could decline easily with age, and the move to replace Juan Uribe with Miguel Tejada probably was a little hasty. They won a weak West last year. They West probably isn't as weak, so they will steal the wildcard even if they have the same season they had last year.

The Diamondbacks are intriguing. Their offense was fine in 2010, and that was with Justin Upton having a down year, and he should improve for 2011. The starting pitching was actually fine, and losing Dan Haren hurts, but he didn't pitch that well for them. Joe Saunders should do well in that ballpark, and youngster Jarrod Parker could come as help from the farm. The problem last season was their bullpen, and they are notoriously volatile. If it becomes just 25% better, this team could finish third. The Dodgers are a mess ever since the McCourt's divorce, and guys like Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier having dissappointing years didn't help. That team is worse than the sum of their parts. The Padres lived a miracle for most of the 2010 season, but without their big hitter, and with their pitching staff due to slight decline to the mean, they will struggle to contend.


NL Playoffs

(1) Philadelphia Phillies over (WC) San Francisco Giants
(2) Milwaukee Brewers over (3) Colorado Rockies

NLCS
(1) Philadelphia Phillies over (2) Milwaukee Brewers (Pitching beats hitting - however, the pitching is pretty close. This could be a great seven game series)

MLB 2011: AL Season preview

Quick preview and predictions for the AL in 2011; Here's a hint:




AL East

1.) Boston Red Sox
2.) New York Yankees
3.) Toronto Blue Jays
4.) Tampa Bay Rays
5.) Baltimore Orioles

The Red Sox have questions in their lineup, considering most people are too quickly assuming that all of their injured players from 2010 will magically return fully healthy and capable. Adrian Gonzalez will be perfect in Boston, as will Carl Crawford. Their pitching has a lot of questions. Clay Buchholz is probably due for major regression, as his ERA was way lower than his peripheral stats would suggest.

As for the Yankees, I think their aging players are due for another step back, including A-Rod, who's fly-ball and HR rate has dropped three consecutive years. Derek Jeter is also not assured to improve from last year too much. Their pitching needs to seriously outperform what it is on paper. Phil Hughes was not good down the stretch. AJ Burnett had one of the worst years for a Yankees starters ever. Ivan Nova is unproven, and Freddy Garcia is Freddy Garcia, and this is not 2005.

The Blue Jays are on the rise. Their young pitching needs to continue on its pace, and their hitting will probably fall off a little bit, but young players like Travis Snider and Adam Lind should continue to improve. I think the Rays will be hurt for 2010. Losing Crawford is just a huge loss, and I'm not sure how a past-the-hill Manny and Damon help. They'll be back, because they just draft too well. The Orioles are a couple years away. They really should have waited a couple of years to get guys like Reynolds and Guerrero (obviously not a couple of years to get those guys, because they will not be that great in 2014, but comparable players then), because that's when their young talent will be at their absolute peak. Overall, the AL is still the best division in baseball, but now it is the deepest, but not exactly as top-heavy as before.


AL Central

1.) Chicago White Sox
2.) Minnesota Twins (Wild Card)
3.) Detroit Tigers
4.) Kansas City Royals
5.) Cleveland Indians

The White Sox are like most years under Kenny Williams: a mix-and-mash of veterans who can still mash, and young guys who are above average but really nothing better. The way they restock on the fly each year is really commendable. Their offense should be really good, if a little too dependent on the longball, but with Konerko, Quentin and now Dunn in a great hitters park, that should not be a problem. Their pitching isn't exactly great, but good enough to win a flawed division.

The Twins are what they always are, a team whose whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and should be in contention come September. Their pitching is what it is. Not pretty in terms of fantasy stats, but all have high groundball rates, and with a good defense behind them, that is fine. Liriano of course, is totally different. He's great, but I'm not sure he makes it all the way through the 2011 season in a Twins uniform. With the impotent rest of the AL Central, I think the Twins will steal the Wild Card, and giving the AL Central their first two-team playoff season since 2006.

The rest of the division really isn't that good. The Tigers have a front-line position player and a front-line pitcher in Cabrera and Verlander, but little else. The Royals will be really good in a couple of years, and probably will have a Rays 2008 type season in either 2012 or 2013, but for right now all of their top talent resides in AAA. The Indians are a total mess. They need some talent, and they need it fast. 2007 seems a like a long, long time ago.


AL West

1.) Oakland Athletics
2.) Los Angeles Angels
3.) Texas Rangers
4.) Seattle Mariners

The A's have the best rotation in the AL - even better than the overhyped Red Sox and the young, flamethrowing Rays. If Anderson stays healthy, and the other three just improve a little bit, which they should since they are all young, teh A's will have the pitching necessary to win the AL West. Their hitting needs to improve, but guys like Hedeki Matsui, are worthy risks to take. The A's have enough hitting to go with great pitching (in their bullpen as well), to steal this division for the first time since 2006.

The Angels, for once, are being really undervalued. With Haren/Weaver/Santana as the 1-2-3, they have three frontline pitchers. If Scott Kazmir gives them anything, then they have one of the best 1-4's in the AL after Oakland. Their hitting, with the return of Kendrys Morales should improve. Finally, although his contract is atrocious, Vernon Wells is still a very capable player, and should play well in Anaheim.

The Rangers should drop a little bit. Their hitting probably will fall as Michael Young continues to age, and Josh Hamilton regresses to just amazing instead of the next Mickey Mantle. If Nellie Cruz/Elvis Andrus can pick up the slack they might be fine. They should be good in the coming years, but replacing Cliff Lee with Brandon Webb isn't exactly a step up. The Mariners are what they are, a team with two great players and little else. They should really just stockpile pitching to go along with that park.


AL Playoffs

(1) Boston Red Sox over (WC) Minnesota Twins
(3) Chicago White Sox over (2) Oakland Athletics

ALCS

(3) Chicago White Sox over (1) Boston Red Sox (Why the hell not? Everyone's picking the Red Sox).

NL Tomorrow.

Love Springs Eternal

The picture was a cover of a Sports Illustrated issue in 2003. Tom Verducci wrote an article about the joys and beauties of Spring Training, one that was a lot better than the sap I am about to write down. Be warned, this might be my most overly-dramatic writing yet.

I can't dump them. I should. They aren't any good, they aren't talented. They have an owner that, albeit being a nice guy, has a "Good Ol' Boys Club" streak to him and has turned the franchise into a mess. They have few known players, and are roundly predicted to finish 5th in the NL Central, and considering Pittsburgh is basically a Triple-A team, that is basically a last place finish. Yet, I just can't dump them. The Astros mean too much to me, and that thought was banged home to me yesterday.

Valentine's day was interesting this year. No, it had nothing to do with any personal valentine I may or may not have, but more to do with its idyllic placement with a parallel event in the sports calendar. February 14th was the day that Pitchers & Catchers started reporting to their teams in baseball. My Astros reported to Kissammee, Florida, as did many other teams to their respective locations, and the long, arduous process known as the baseball season has started again. For the Astros, this is a time of great unease, with the owner putting the team up for sale, them cleaning house of big contracts, and having their two iconic players from the 2000s lacing it up for other NL teams. It is the best time to cut bait, to leave the Astros as my team, to go and look for another baseball partner, as I thought I might do last year when the news of Roy Oswalt's impending trade came about, but I just can't do it. Spring Training has taught me many things, but the most important is that Love is really eternal, in baseball, and hopefully in my life in the future.

It all starts over in Spring. Everything seems possible in my relationship with the Astros. The new beginning completely erases all the flaws that I know are there. I know the Astros can't hit worth a damn, and aren't great at fielding, and have little immediate help coming from the farm. I know all of this, but I don't know is if any of it is true. What if they suddenly can hit? What if they suddenly can field? What if Bill Hall and Clint Barmes can actually play relatively well? What if some unknown draft pick turns into the next Roy Oswalt (who was a 19th round pick in baseball's draft)? That is the beauty of baseball, the beauty of Spring Training; the "What If?" factor. What if this is the year that my team turns the corner and does what the Giants did last year, or the Tigers did in 2006? Just like the flowers, my team is about the be in bloom, and it may just be more beautiful than ever.

Like in quite a few marraiges (especially the ones to a sports team), they have a lot of time to disappoint me, to upset me and torment me. Hell, they can drive me crazy, but there was a reason I loved them in the first place, and that was what I relearn every spring. After the football season ends, the sports world turns quiet. Combine this with the darkness and cold of winter, and there really is nothing much to look forward to for those brief days after Super Bowl Sunday for a sports fan. However, that's when those four words enter into the minds of a baseball fan, the words that make one love their team all over again, and prepare themselves for the road ahead, no matter if it is filled with nights of anger and loathing, or nights of joy and laughter. "Pitchers and Catchers report," has a special place in the minds of a baseball fan, because it is the signal to start dreaming again, to start loving the team again, to start looking forward to the sun, the blue sky and the sounds of baseball in summer. It starts in Spring, when the four words come to mind.

The Houston Astros will be my team forever, and this Spring made me know it. I never thought I would be excited for Spring Training, excited to hear about how none of the Astros youngsters can hit, field or throw, and how this team is a lock to lose 90 games. Yet I was, and I am. I am as excited as I have been every year. I needed the break that the offseason gave me, but I am ready to commit myself to this team again, for another 8 months, for another 162 regular season games, another twenty or so Spring Training games and, God willing, some postseason games.

A sports fan is usually in a depressed state (about his teams, mind you, not in life in general - just wanted to point out that discrepancy, just in case anyone was worried that my overall emotional state was in despair and the 'Stros rescued me from a fiery end). More often than not, your team doesn't win, and if you get unlucky enough, your team might lose spectacularly, either in total embarrassment (like being a Pirates fan) or in some scarring way that leaves you in a shell (like the Colts with the exception of 2006). Few events have the power to lift a sports fan out of that depression that don't involve a playoff run or championship. For some it is the draft, which for NFL fans is almost like their Spring Training, where the opportunities seem endless. For me, it is Spring Training. It allows me to quickly get over football, which is usually hard given the ridiculous nature in which the Colts have in recent playoff years, and switch my attention to something that truly needs it: the Astros. Baseball teams need attention, they need time. 162 games is a lot to ask for, and you need to be willing to be there for them all (not exactly watch them all, but still take them all in) to be a true fan. It is a daunting task, but one that seems easy when the Pitchers & Catchers report, when a baseball fans' love springs eternal.

ALCS Game 6 Running Diary

I'm doing this because I have a 102 fever and I can't really do anything else, so let's go. Here on TBS (Fuck, that's not a good start).

8:06 - Craig Sager is reporting to start us off. He's wearing a purple suit/tie combo. Craig should really go back to those ridiculous multi-colored suits, because his monochromed suits are even worse. He reports that we are starting on time. Thanks, Barney the Dinosaur (because he's wearing purple, not because he's gay and extinct).

8:08 - The Yankees lineup gets introduced. They are starting Brett Gardner, Jorge Posada and Marcus Thames. Why were the Yankees even the favorite in this series?

8:09 - The Ballpark in Arlington is quite nice. It is cramped and intimate, and green, and that is just Hamilton's crack den in the bleachers (just kidding, I love Hamilton to death). The cameramen flash to a beautiful young Rangers fan. I'm pretty sure that that was not a coincidence. Colby Lewis, your Texas starter, used to pitch for the Hiroshima Carp. That's probably not a good sign, although CC loves Carp.

8:11 - Jeter up to bat. Grounds out. One pitch, one out. I running diaried 2 Yankees games last year, and they went 0-2. I probably should have just done this in the Twins series. Curtis Granderson is next up.

8:13 - Granderson walks. Robbie Cano is up. He's an interesting case. If he was on any other moderately successful team, like the White Sox, no one would give two shits about him. Since he's a Yankee, people lactate at the sight of the guys "sweet" swing.

8:15 - That sweet swing just popped out lazily to left field. A-Roid up. He's hitting a nice .176 in the ALCS. 2009 feels like a LOOONG time ago for the roid, who is absolutely fooled by a hanging curveball.

8:16 - The announcer whose name I don't know yet says "A-Roid usually doesn't miss those [the hanging curveball] when he's going good." I'm pretty sure he meant "when his steroid cycles are going good."

8:18 - Granderson is caught stealing after a bullett throw by Bengie Molina, who continues to hurt the Yankees more than steroid testing did.

8:19 - The first ad of the day: Fosters. Thank good that these ads are back. This one wasn't particularly good. Something about a gold digger. Either way, the world is a better place when Fosters is actively advertising on American television.

8:20 - Next up is Tace Bell's XL Chalupa which features Mariano Rivera, who has all the acting chops of Nick Cage on depressents (or as it is also known, Nick Cage on Tuesday).

8:21 - Phil Hughes, the man with the "exploding fastball" (as Ron Darling puts it), is pitching. That fastball was not very exploding-y when he was shelled like a lobster in Game 2. Elvis Andrus is the first batter up for the best offense in the MLB.

8:23 - Andrus starts off with a double, hit off one of Hughes' "exploding fastballs". Ron Darling will have to be our Tim McCarver for the night.

8:25 - Jorge Posada goes out to talk to Phil Hughes. It's been one half inning and the Yankees are already having catcher-pitcher conferences. They cut to Sabathia on the bench, who looks like he wants to eat Phil Hughes, or at least Hughes' leathery-glove.

8:27 - Hamilton, the real MVP of the AL is up. He's honestly the white Pujols at this point. Every pitch seems like it could be a home run. If that guy never touched drugs, he would have probably been the next Mickey Mantle. Of course, if he never took drugs, he wouldn't have been so fun or interesting. Also, he probably would have taken roids. Either way, he lines a base hit to left. 1st and 3rd, one out, Vlad up.

8:29 - Darling tells us that in this exact situation, the Rangers pulled of a double steal to score a run. Leave it to the Yankees to not be able to stop that, as they probably spend too much time kissing George Steinbrenner's monument plaque while getting hundreds shoved up their ass to practice fundamentals. Vlad grounds out, and the Rangers score. Good start for the Rangers.

Rangers 1-0 on Vlad's RBI groundout.

8:32 - It is early, but these TBS commentators just don't say enough dumb shit. Get on it TBS. Don't you know that's how you get ratings. Just look at ESPN. Nellie Cruz flies out, and one inning is done.

8:33 - Lexus' next idea is a car that never has an accident. I'm no consultant, but I would like to tell Lexus that that goal might be unattainable given that 80% of your drivership are Asian drivers.

8:35 - Now there's an ad for some product called "safetouch" which features two talking attic liners. This has to be what people do when they snort cucumber seeds.

8:37 - The Roid is robbed of a single by a leaping catch by Elvis Andrus. Oh, A-Rod, if only you were on roids, that would have cleared Andrus' leap. Fucking shame, ain't it.

8:38 - Lance Berkman is up. As another former Astro, my hope for this game is the Yankees lose 10-8, and Berkman hits two Grand Slams. Berkman flies out to Hamilton. The Yankees are batting with all the urgency of a team who has collective golf reservations for Four PM tomorrow.

8:39 - Swisher is up, and he's hitting .105 in the ALCS. This is the second straight year he has sucked perineum in the postseason. Ron Darling is telling us that Bengie Molina signs pitch and location at the same time. I would say something sarcastic, but for a Molina, that is actually hard. Not because he's Mexican, but because he's so fat that he barely can show more than one finger at the same time when he's crouched. That's a tight squeeze.

8:42 - UPS is advertising their ability by using a song hailing their logistics. I can't belive I am going to say this, but what happened to the white board guy. What, was he too corny? What can Brown do to me? He can bring back the whiteboard guy.

8:43 - The "Language of the Game" segment is brought to us by Foster's. It's nice that an Australian Beer is paying for ad time in a baseball, something they don't watch. That's like if Coors started sponsoring the 3rd umpire in cricket, or if Budweiser sponsored M. Night Shyamalan's next movie.

8:44 - David Murphy is next up. He was the guy who was infamously intentionally walked as the go-ahead run before Bengie Molina homered back in Game 4. On the bad intentional walk scale, that is one step above intentionally walking David Eckstein.

8:46 - Ron Darling offers up our first dumb comment, calling Hughes' change-up "like a Western telegram, you always know it is coming." Fuck, Ron, just because you are on TBS doesn't mean you have to talk like Ted Turner is your only viewer.

8:48 - Some Nissan commercial is backgrounded by Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries." Now, this is appealing to your Asian consumer base. Don't offer a car that doesn't get into accidents. Just play orchestra music.

8:50 - Jorge is up here in the top of the third, and immediately flies out on the first pitch. Maybe that golf reservation is for today at midnight, because the usually patient Yanks seem to be in quite a rush, because they have taken about as many pitches as Ron Washington has taken cocaine breaks. As I say that, Marcus Thames takes one pitch before grounding out. At least that is Marcus Thames. You can't expect him to take pitches.

8:52 - Colby Lewis got 4.62 runs of support per game. Phil Hughes got 7.56. That is why wins as a stat are about as important as "how many Molina's could you bench." Colby Lewis strikes out Brett Gardner. Again, its fucking Brett Gardner. What do you expect? Lewis still has a "0" underneath the "hits" column.

8:56 - Our first mention of "Lopez Tonight." Still no mentions of Conan's show. Does Conan realize that he just pushed Lopez's show to "tomorrow", the exact same offense that he accused NBC of trying to do to him?

8:59 - Mitch Moreland draws a walk from Phil Hughes. The Rangers' #9 hitter is more patient than 8 of 9 Yankees. Again, why were the Yankees such a favorite in this series?? Andrus grounds out, but advances Moreland. Fundamentals, bitches. Fundamentals.

9:01 - The camera pans out to the bullpens, which are draped with ads for JCPenney and Snapple. God, even the fucking bullpens are sponsored. What's next? Are they gonna sponsor the mound, the rosin, each bat. Actually, I cannot believe no player has sold his bat as advertising space.

9:02 - Jorge Posado comes out for another chat with Phil Hughes. They are going to intentional walk Hamilton. Not sure why that required a catcher visit. Phil Hughes throws a wild pitch on an intentional walk. My lord, are the Yankees about to give up this game. Joe Girardi comes out, just to slap Hughes, presumably.

9:05 - Vlad gets fooled by a curveball. Honestly, Vlad just hacks. How the hell is he a lifetime .315 hitter. It makes no sense. He swing is as loose as Bengie Molina is fat.

9:06 - Joe Girardi looks sad and depressed. Maybe he finally realized that this series is making us all realize that he had as much to do about the Yankees 2009 title as Hedeki Matsui's porn stash (callback alert).

9:09 - Conan ad! Conan ad! It was a boring one, with just him saying to watch his show. The Conan show will be great for one reason. His the pitiable kid now. All the big funny stars will flock to his show, kind of like how all the girls fuck the kid who's car was stolen, or some shit.

9:11 - Jeter grounds out to the pitcher, and Joe Girardi continues to look like he's watching Ron Washington do a line of coke off his wife's ass. I have never seen a manager who is only down by one run look as depressed.

9:13 - Granderson walks, again. I love how none of the Yankees who usually have plate discipline haven't taken pitches, but Granderson, who looks like he has a ferret up his ass, he's so energized, has drawn two walks.

9:14 - Cano hits into a double play. The Yankees still haven't gotten a single (word that rymes with "shit" - no way I am going to jinx it). E*Trade ad is on. The white baby and black baby are watching the ad with the wildebeest's mating. Can they go back to shankasaurus? Or the one with the dog and the baby hiding his computer under his blanket. Or something but two babies watching two wildebeests fuck.

9:17 - I shit you not, the next ad was one for "RainX wipers." Windshield wipers. Are normal companies that poor that the a fucking windshield wiper company can afford an NLCS ad?

9:19 - Phil Hughes is having trouble locating his fastball, as he throws four straight balls. He's also having trouble locating his barbershop. Cut your hair, Phil. You're not nearly as good looking as Tom Brady to make long hair semi-acceptable.

9:20 - David Murphy pops out in foul territory. Again: This is a guy who Joe Girardi decided to intentionally walk in order to face known Yankee killer (and patty eater) Bengie Molina. He's hit four home runs in his career against the Yankees. David Murphy has four career hits against the Yankees.

9:23 - Phil Hughes throws over to first base to hold Kinsler three straight times. After seeing his wild pitch on an intentional walk, I would not let Hughes throw the ball any more times than necessary.

9:26 - Phil Hughes is doing this "hold the baserunner" charade on an 0-2 count. How about you just get the batter out, Phil, instead of fucking around with Kinsler. It is for this illegitimate shit that I hate the Yankees.

9:27 - Phil Hughes throws over to first for the sixth time. There is a better chance Aly Hannigan comes charging through my door pulls my clothes off, and takes me to LA to have a threesome with her and....thinking about the second name as Phil Hughes throws to first one more time..... Lyndsy Fonseca (why not?!) than Phil Hughes picking off Ian Kinsler.

9:30 - GEICO brings out another ad that I hadn't seen before. The GEICO ad campaign history probably has a 20,000 word Wiki entry. Honestly, remember how it started? The first ads were just people mispronouncing the name "Gecko". Then it became cavemen, and Billie Jean King, in inflatable dolls and other shit. It is a museum unto itself.

9:31 - TBS cuts to Andy Pettitte and Cliff Lee back to back, the potential Game 7 starters. Lee throws up a mouthful of Sunflower Seeds. Pettitte looks so nervous he's mouthing out "Our Fathers". Even the Rangers' Game 7 starter looks calmer.

9:33 - A-Roid pokes a slider for a double to end Colby Lewis' no-hitter. Fucking A-Roid, breaking up no-hitters. I hope he gets vilified for life and exposed as a cheat for that shit.... Oh wait, I forgot that all of that already happened.

9:36 - The ball bounces on the ground and gets away from Molina, and A-Roid scores. The ball clearly hits Swisher, which is why the ball got away. If it was called like it happened, it would be 1st and 3rd, with one out. Instead A-Fraud scores a run.

Yankees score on a rigged-call 1-1

9:38 - The officiating in this postseason has been great compared to that shitstorm that was last year, but that was awful. That was so obviously a hit batter. Fuck the Yankees. 200 Million Dollar payroll and they need this type of borderline cheap shit to score a run?

9:41 - Colby Lewis has to calm down and get out of this inning. Although if I were the pitcher, I would go batshit that some fucking umpire ruined my shutout, and potentially cost us a chance for the World Series. Marcus Thames strikes out (shocker there), and we go to the bottom of the 5th.

9:42 - Here is an ad for BlizzCon, as in the Blizzard gaming convention. My Lord is that too much. Celebrities are showing up for that. So is Tenacious D. What, they couldn't get Nick Carter? Or RATT?

9:46 - Mitch Moreland is hitting .400 in the ALCS, or twice of what A-Roid is hitting. Now he's hitting more, as he gets on with a single right before the top of the order comes to bat.

9:47 - Phil Hughes is now throwing over to first trying to pick off Mitch Moreland. Good fucking Lord. Phil, your pickoffs are not that good. Ron Darling says' bunt it to Berkman, who is less experienced at first than A-Rod is at third." Yeah, cause Berkman's only played 1st base since 2005. You know, playing first base for the Astros is just like playing first base for the Yankees.

9:49 - Phil Hughes seems intent on trying to pick someone off. Elvis Andrus is going to bunt anyway, which makes Phil Hughes' sheninegans all the more unacceptable in this situation.

9:50 - Moreland is advanced to second, as we have a man in scoring position with one out. Good fundamental baseball, or rather, pretty much the opposite of what Nick Swisher just pulled off.

9:52 - David Robertson is warming up in the bullpen. Or let me rephrase that, the eventual losing pitcher if he comes in is warming up in the bullpen. Darling: "Catchers assume that pitchers will hit their glove." Yeah, I think after he threw a wild pitch on an intentional walk, Posada should not just "assume" that.

Rangers score on Guerrero double 3-1

9:55 - Vlad smacks a double off the wall which scores two runs. Two things: 1.) Ron Washington gets so excited when the Rangers can score a run. He looks like, well, a one-time crack user. 2.) Joe Girardi ends Phil Hughes' night and brings in Dave Robertson. Yeah, that's a brilliant idea, bring in the guy that was beat like Josh Hamilton's old crack dealer in Game 4 in.

9:57 - Craig Sager took his jacket off, to reveal to the world just how purple his shirt really is, in case anyone had any doubts. Nellie Cruz in, Phil Hughes out, David Robertson: terrified to death.

9:59 - Joe Girardi looks absolutely terrified. I can totally see him just retiring right after this game ends just to avoid the grilling he will receive the second he comes back to NYC.

Rangers score on Nellie Cruz homer 5-1

10:00 - That's why you don't fucking bring David Robertson into a game that is in the balance. I have to take a break, while I celebrate me being so prescient about David Robertson sucking ass.

10:09- We're back. Brett Gardner leads off with an attempted bunt. I'm pretty sure George Steinbrenner died again, seeing a Yankee bunt down 5-1 in the 6th game of an elimination game.

10:11 - Gardner grounds out. The Yankees have hit all of four balls past the infield. They have two hits. Jeter swings on the 1st pitch and grounds out (I should just shortcut "grounds out" to ctrl+5 or something - you know, save keystrokes).

10:13 - Granderson up, which means the Yankees might actually see some pitches for once. He sees four pitches, as Granderson flies out. Great urgency by the Yanks, who have nine outs left in their season.

10:15 - TMobile tells us that "kids are free" when starting a family network. My guess is that the kids are really only free for about two weeks, or ten minutes whichever comes first.

10:20 - Kerry Wood comes in, an inning too late. This is evidenced by the fact that Kerry Wood retired the side in less time than it took Phil Hughes to throw over to first. This series has definitely not been Girardi's finest moment.

10:23 - TBS is starting some show called "Glory Daze" about rushing college students. Not sure what demographic they are going for. I mean, do college kids watch TBS? Do mothers want to know what their kids are actually doing in college? this just seems like a bad idea.

10:24 - A-Plod swings at the first pitch, and flies out to left field. The Yankees always take pitches. I don't understand it. They were more patient against Cliff Lee who walks about half a batter per month.

10:26 - Berkman slams a triple. Odd that it is the ex-Astro who is having the best at bats in this game for any Yankee. Hopefully he scores here, just so they don't excoriate the nicest guy ever in NYC. Swisher swings at the first pitch, and flies out to left (becoming the 7th inning version of "grounds out"). Again, the Yanks swing at the first pitch. This is like doing everything they've done all year long, but the exact opposite.

10:31 - The "RainEx" ad is on for the second time. This is ridiculous. How much money is in the windshield wiper business that they could afford two ads during an NLCS game. Either that, or the ads are so cheap that a AirTran ad is next.

10:32 - Michael Young smacks a standup double to left field. The Rangers have hit five balls harder than any Yankee has hit any ball.

10:33 - They are intentionally walking Hamlinton. So far, Girardi has intentionally walked three batters. The result: 3-run home run, ground out, 2-run double. In a sport where an average of .333 is really good, I think the fact that the Rangers are hitting .666 off Intentional walks is probably cause to not intentionally walk anyone.

10:35 - Guerrero moves the runners over inadvertently. Girardi then decides to intentionally walks Nelson Cruz. Girardi has the balls of a goldfish.

Rangers score on Kinsler Sac Fly 6-1

10:37 - This series could have been 100% over. Now it is only 98% over, as Kinsler's sac fly gives the Yankees a shred of life. David Murphy is up. Girardi should intentionally walk him too, you know, just for symmetry.

10:39 - Girardi now looks like he just saw his daughter in a porno as he stares desperately onto the field in disbelief that his 200 million dollar payroll cannot do shit against the immortal Colby Lewis. Another loud out as Kinsler flies to right. This game is still pretty much over, but it could have been, you know, actually OVAH.

10:41 - We get the first Men of a Certain Age ad. That was a fantastic show, and not only becuase Ray Romano's daughter in the show has this kind of a "secretly cute" look going. Hopefully she didn't go dye her hair orange, or get a lip ring over the offseason.

10:43 - The Rangers are now 6 outs away, as Colby Lewis is still pitching. It should be 6-0, if not for that blatant missed call, but now that the Rangers have taken it out on the heads of Phil Hughes and David Robertson, I can begin to forgive the home plate ump. In related news, Lewis strikes out Posada on three pitches.

10:45 - Darren Oliver is up in the bullpen. If your remember, he was the guy who ruined the running diary last year when he blew Lackey's 4-0 lead in Game 5 of the ALCS. In related news, "strikes out on three pitches" has become this innings "flies out to left" which became the previous innings "ground out." Maybe next inning, it will be "caught stolen after hit by pitch" or "eaten by CC Sabathia."

10:47 - Ernie Johnson asks "Do you go automatically to Neftali Feliz in the 9th." Considering that Neftali Feliz has a worse "deer in the headlights" look than Bambi's mother, I think you don't. Brett Gardner is walked. This is the exact situation of Game 1, where Gardner started a rally.

10:50 - The Godfather (Derek Je-tuh) strikes out to end the 8th. Derek Jeter at least gets to go home to Minka Kelly tomorrow. Colby Lewis probably has to go home to Matsui's porn stash. 3 outs away.

10:53 - The first NBA ad!!!! Actually, who gives a shit, since LeDelonteFuckedYourMom and Bosh and Wade conspired to fix the league so they could shit around with other. There is no point of a league where the star players would rather team up to win then try to man up and beat each other.

10:55 - So, Ron Washington admitted to taking cocaine in March, and Josh Hamilton used to do lines all the time from 2002-2005. I'm thankful that both have cleaned up their lives, but I guess the message for America is: Don't take crack, unless you have prodigious baseball skills.

10:58 - Mariano Rivera is pitching in this game for some reason. I may not be that great at math (actually I am damn good at math), but being down 6-1 is NOT a save situation.

11:00 - Mo, shokcingly, gets out of the 8th without giving up a run, setting up the ninth inning. Here's the situation. Neftali Feliz will mooch the last three outs of Colby Lewis' mastery, and the Yankees will return to gotham without the ticker-tape parade this time (except for the ticker tape parade in Jeter's bedroom).

11:02 - American Airlines just had an ad, with their great tagline of "We know why you fly." Unless you think I fly because I like to eat stale food, drink maximum of one coke, sleep under a toilet paper roll knitted together, and not watch the in-flight movie because the tvs aren't working, then no, you don't know why I fly, at all.

11:05 - Feliz strikes out the first batter. TBS cuts to a shot of a glum CC. He's probably only sad because he is pitcuring all the champagne the Rangers are about to spew all over the clubhouse and that he can't mooch some into his belly.

11:07 - The not MVP grounds out to first, and A-Bitch (I couldn't think of another rhyme for "rod"), the guy who once had 50% of the Rangers payroll to himself, is the last out. Poetic that it would end this way.

11:08 - One strike away, as A-Fucker cannot catch up to Feliz's 100 mph heat without the help of clear and cream.

11:09 - A-Dick goes down looking, and the Rangers hogpile it up. So at least one half of the World Series will be fresh. This world series will be great either way. Either Oswalt vs the funnest team in baseball, or the Giants vs the funnest team in baseball.

11:10 - That was fun. Seeing the Yankees crumble was all time. I'm guessing Josh Hamilton, he of the .600 OBP for the series, will be your ALCS MVP. Next postseason, I'm running diarying all Yankees postseason games. See if this can get them to lose to the Twins. Thank you for staying along for the ride (I realize that makes no sense, since you're reading this hours later - but my head isn't totally clear after three hours of diarying while fevering). See y'all later (in the World Series, if Oswalt is pitching).

Roy, Where art Thou?

There I was, watching my baseball hero, my baseball idol, basically the reason why I love baseball, pitching in front of a great crowd in a critical postseason game. He was on the mound, soaking it all in. He lives for these games, and I lived, waiting five years, for one of these games. Just like he did so many times before, Roy Oswalt picked up the baseball, fired strikes, shut down the opposing team, and won a playoff game. All the while, I could not help thinking, "This is not how it was supposed to turn out." I expected to be enthralled watching Roy Oswalt pitch a gem in a postseason game, and I was, but I was nowhere near as excited as I thought I would be. If anything, seeing Roy Oswalt pitch his way to the headlines in another uniform was one of the harder experiences of my sports fan life.

Roy Oswalt is still a great pitcher, is still my favorite, and I hope to God that he wins the World Series this year, because he deserves it for being the most consistently great pitcher of the last decade. But he is no longer our great pitcher. He is the guy who got away. He was supposed to be an Astro for life. The Astros team that was one of the best in the NL from 2001-2006 was his team, built around him and pitching first. He was the frontman of the team, the image of the team. He was everything that we Astros' fans loved about the 2005 NL Pennant winning Astros. Tough, gritty, talented and most of all, resilient. That Astros team was our team. Every fan probably has that one year with their team that it all came together, that it all was perfect. As a Colts fan, that was the 2005 regular season, and the 2006 postseason. If they happened in the same year, that would have been great, but they happened 13 months apart, so it was fine. As an Astros fan, that was 2005. By then, I was a huge Astros fan, and more importantly a larger fan of Roy Oswalt, our young, talented, brilliant 20-game winner from 2004. The team was gutted at the start of 2005, starting the season 15-30 with Lance Berkman hobbling and Carlos Beltran weaseling his way to disappointing the Mets fans. That is when Roy became the guy.

The Astros finished the 2005 regular season on a 74-43 run, with Oswalt winning 20 games for the second straight year, and this time doing it with an ERA under 3.00. Oswalt was now a star, and he was headed for the great stage. In the 2005 NLCS, against the best team in the majors that year (the Cardinals, who went 101-61, and had the NL MVP and Cy Young Award Winner), Oswalt had two starts. Both came in a game following an Astros loss. Both were in St. Louis. Both were 7 inning, one run affairs. Game 2 was important to change the tone of the series, Game 6 was legendary.

Mitch Williams said at the top of FOX's broadcast that this game 2 of the 2010 NLCS was the biggest game of Roy Oswalt's career. This enraged me. Sure, the Astros are now a down-trodden, midget of a franchise, barely hanging on to any shred of dignity they may still have, but that doesn't mean that what Roy Oswalt did in Game 6 of the 2005 NLCS was any less impressive. That was my team, my pitcher, my game, and my greatest baseball memory. One game after Pujols' epic home run to steal Game 5 when the Astros were one out away from winning the NLCS, Oswalt toed the rubber in St. Louis. Bill Simmons called the series over, saying the Astros would never be able to recover from losing game 5. Roy Oswalt probably doesn't know who Bill Simmons is, and that is not the only reason I love him.

In the first inning, Oswalt faced Pujols, and quickly got to an 0-2 count. The next pitch effectively ended the series. Oswalt threw a 95 mph fastball up and in. Pujols swung, missed and fell over to his knees and struck out. Oswalt had won, beating the man that haunted the Astros, and breaking the spirit of the Cardinals. Oswalt threw 7 innings of 3 hit 8 strikeout ball to win the series for the Astros. He won the NLCS MVP in that series, with 14 innings, 8 hits, 15 strikeouts, and two wins in St. Louis against the NL's best offense. Yeah, Mitch Williams, I think he's pitched bigger games.

This is why I don't feel the same watching Oswalt pitch brilliantly in the spotlight again, because he's not on my team. We loved him. We appreciated the beauty of watching that man pitch even if the team was 45-57. The Phillies' fans see him as a rented hand, a mercenary brought on to win a ring. We saw him as a brother, a friend, a hero. Roy Oswalt was the best Astros pitcher maybe in team history (Nolan Ryan can probably dispute that). Roy Oswalt was our favorite pitcher. The Astros from 2006-2009 were not any good (the 2008 team was a smoke and mirrors 86-76), but we always felt that at least every fifth day, we had the best team, because we had Roy.

The only Roy getting credit is Halladay. Halladay is a great pitcher, and his no-hitter was great. But the sign of a truly great one is what Oswalt did in Game 2. After Halladay lost, leaving the Phillies in an unenviable position heading into game 2, Oswalt did what a true ace does. He stopped the bleeding. He came out and retired the first 14 batters of the game. He gave up three hits all night, and struck out nine. He had the whole crowd behind him. But it was the wrong crowd. It is the crowd that still loves Halladay more, and still loves Hamels more. Loving Hamels more is fine, since he's their Oswalt.

Oswalt was the homegrown guy, the prospect and then the rookie we saw grow up, mature and dominate. The 2005 Astros had two other aces, in Clemens and Pettitte, but Oswalt was the "ace", and the hometown favorite because he was with us from the start. He wasn't brought in here when the going was good, and he was going to stay when the going was bad, unlike Pettitte who fled back to his mommy in the Bronx. When Oswalt finally, quietly asked for a trade, we all defended him, and agreed with him, because all of us wanted a trade from the Astros too. Roy got his wish, and we got our wish, to watch him pitch great in the biggest of games again. We got to see him pitch in front of a crowd and raise the energy of a ballpark again, we just all wish it was our ballpark.

The Great Divorce

I first heard it on Friday. It was news that I had been expecting for sometime, but even then, it caught me off guard. It killed me, it pained me, it made me more distraught than anything else had in sports in years. Just three months after my team lost a heartbreak of a Super Bowl, my sports year and turned even worse. Roy Oswalt was demanding a trade, divorcing himself from the Astros, which considering they suck is quite understandable, but more than that, divorcing himself from me. Roy Oswalt does not know me, and probably never will, but I know him, I cheered for him and I love him, and I don't know what to do.

First, I should say that I do not blame Roy at all. He was the Astros best pitcher of the last 10 years, and in all honesty, was probably the best pitcher in the NL for the entirety of his run here. He battled and bled for the Stros, and now he deserves a better fate than to tirelessly pitch to a team that struggles to score but one run for him. Roy was amazing for the Astros, and now that he gave his life to help this team to its first World Series ever, they should give be a lifesaver and ship him off to a team where he can win games. But this is not about Roy and his connection to the team, this is about my connection with Roy.

Baseball is a funny sport. It is not about entertainment and fun, it is about love. Purely and simply love. It fosters a deeper more human relationship between a fan and a team. There is a personal attachment to a baseball team because each season is eternal. The baseball offseason offers the cold detachment of a separation. The spring training is like a yearly honeymoon, where the possibilities of this love seem endless. The season is a long, marathon and the vows of marriage are renewed each year. Unlike the Colts and Raiders, who are just my teams, the Astros are my partner. In many ways my relationship with the Astros are much more volatile. I love them to death, but honestly I need marriage counseling. They are a horrible organization right now, with little direction and an aging, moderately talented roster. They are a laughingstock, but I married them, and I am not ready to divorce them, yet. But pushing the one and only redeeming part of the Astros, and the part that made me love them in the first place out of town, might just end it.

I first married the Astros in 2001. I did it because of Roy. It was unexplainable really what made him so appealing. His demeanor, his look, his 'screw-you' attitude, and his talent all mixed together to provide a potent sum. Oswalt was a bull-dog in style but simply a great pitcher in substance. He was the perfect underdog, short and stocky from Weir, Mississippi, a town with a population of 314. Bursting onto the scene with a 14-3, 2.73 ERA season in 2001, he finished second to Albert Pujols in the Rookie of the Year Voting. One 19-9 season later, Oswalt was a top-10 pitcher, something he would be for the rest of his Houston career. Oswalt was the most appealing part of the Astros for me, and I attached myself to him and the team, and went along for quite the tumultous marriage.

Roy Oswalt was the man that gave me my happiest non-football sports memory ever, with his brilliant performance in Game 6 of the 2005 NLCS against St. Louis. Two days after Albert Pujols' infamous home run off Brad Lidge, Oswalt toed the rubber with the Astros still in a state of shock. He, however, was not, and I watched Oswalt pitch one of the greatest games of his life. For seven breathtaking innings, he shut down the NL's best team in their own ballpark. Under a dark, mystifying night in St. Louis, the gateway to the West, Oswalt was the gateway to the World Series. The Astros were finally playing in a world series, and Oswalt, the NLCS MVP, was given a 400,000$ tractor as a MVP gift, and a new 6-year contract. Drayton McLane, the Astros owner, was standing in front of a champion locker room and put his arms around Oswalt, the man he said would be an Astro for life. I had the same feeling. He was the king of baseball for that one night, he was the star, and the marriage could not have been better.

Five years later, the marriage has hit rock bottom. The Astros are floundering, the Astros are a disorganized mess. The Astros have cheated on me by not rebuilding, not restocking the farm system. They have dominated me by having an owner blind to anything but the bottom line. I am ready to divorce them, but I have to deal with Oswalt first.

He was my hero, my guide, my partner. He was the man that kept me interested in the Astros during the last five dark years. He was the man that made me love pitching. He was the man that made me watch baseball tonight in awe of the beauty of the lovable game. Roy Oswalt will probably be dealt to some other team, some contender where he can actually go better than 2-6 with that 2.66 ERA. And that will leave me with a horrible decision. Do I divorce the Astros and follow Roy? Leave my spurned lover that spurned me, or stay faithful to the abusive partner. That is the question, but all I know is that for nine years, the Astros gave me wonderful memories, and moreso did Roy. You cannot explain true love, and really I cannot explain why I feel this nagging connection to a team that does not do anything redeeming at all, but it is still there. For Oswalt, though, there has been no turmoil, no devastation, and no abuse. Oswalt was the perfect partner, and he deserves one as well, a team that can provide for him what he provided the Astros. I however, need him more than ever.

Story of the Year: 2001

A Healing Classic

September 11th had come and gone six weeks earlier, however it was now more important than ever. Truly, it will never leave, it will be a date that will rival July 4th as the most memorable (in one way or another) in the history of this country. I was never around for JFK's assassination, obviously, so September 11th became my "I remember exactly where I was when I heard about it" moment. I was sitting in the art class of Mrs. Bladel in the A-Wing of the Upper Elementary Middle School (although that was the least creative name possible, somehow it feels more original than its current name of Millstone River). I was close by to her desk, as she was alerted by some other faculty member to put the radio on. I wasn't really listening; I mean, come on, the radio, but immediately turned my head when I heard her gasp in horror. She told us, something I eventually learned that she should not have, that planes had hit the twin towers. Again, as a 10 year old, I did not know what terrorism truly was, I had no idea this was a complex plot that would still haunt me and millions other 9 years later. When I went home later that day, and learned that the twin towers had fallen, that the buildings I loved, the buildings my dad once worked in (thankfully not during the September of aught-one), I took a walk around the neighborhood with my sister, just having an empty feeling inside. I still did not truly understand the events of the day, I did not understand why anyone would want to do such a thing. Of course, I still don't quite understand it, but I at least understand that such things will happen in life (and, sadly, have since happened). What I did understand was that the world truly stopped.

New York City, the city that never slept, the city that was the economic and social capital of the world, the very city that was essentially a trump card that America could hold over any other country, was engulfed in smoke, death and tears; millions and millions of tears. Just six weeks later, with 'Ground Zero' still cautioned off, with deadly toxins still floating around the space once inhabited by people, including one man from our neighborhood, Mr. Jeffrey Fox, New York was full of joy. The Yankees had won the pennant. Sports are inherently meaningless at the best of times. Unlike most other proffessions, sports is one that serves no real benefit than to entertain lives, like music and art. It's not a financial service to create money, or a restaurant to feed masses. It is pure entertainment. On a normal autumn day it is meaningless. On an autumn day just six weeks after America was ruthlessly attacked, it was even moreso. However, there has never been a time where something so meaningless has meant so much.

Baseball may no longer be the sport that is most beloved by America. In fact, it is definitely not. Football has taken its perch high above Mt. Olympus, the king of all athletic competitions, something that is the only sport whose schedule can tangibly impact how the other sports schedule their events. Football is king, but at that point in time, baseball was what we needed. Baseball still holds a special connection to this country. It may seem terribly cliched to say that like Apple Pie, Chevy's and Hot Dogs, baseball is lodged in the fabric of the country, but like most cliches, it is true. Baseball is a sport of individual excellence, of tense, sensual moments, of a unique intimacy. Thousands of people hold on to the pitcher's arm and go for the ride. It is breathless, it is pure, it is spectacular. It is America's definitive sport, one of grace, style, power and precision. At a time where the country was down, was injured, laying on the mat like a lifeless, prideful fighter, baseball lifted it out. For 10 days, baseball went further, and created a deeper impact than ever before. It did not restore the nation, but it captivated one, it aided one, it made one take pride in its achievement. Maybe America wasn't the safe haven it once was, but God damn if it didn't have the ability to create a Shakespearean Theatre on a 90x90 diamond.

The Yankees and Diamondbacks were the competitors, but it really was the country and the Diamonbacks. Arizona was the site of two routine wins in Games 1 & 2, with Curt Schilling and then Randy Johnson shutting down the Yankees, as the D'Backs won the two games 9-1 and 4-0. The series shifted to New York, and then it really started, the healing really took place. In the course of three days, the country was introduced to Mystique, Aura, Byung-Hyun Kim and the raw power of baseball to heal, to soothe and to inspire.

George W. Bush's First Pitch in Game 3.

The whole world series started in earnest with George W. Bush's first pitch. Bush's following 7 years tend to outdo the fact that at that point in time he was beloved by all, seen as a man that was given an impossible task, dealing with the greatest terrorist attack in US history, and mending the wounds created by it. He did all of that, uniting the nation against the terrorists, leading the USA into a period where there were more flags flying in the sky than there were Fords littering the streets. It was impossible to imagine the pure brilliance of George W. Bush's first pitch. In the backdrop of a city that lost its true face, Bush strolled out to the rubber and uncorked a perfect curveball for a perfect strike. It was a clear message, "I can throw a perfect strike. I can do it all. We can do it all." That might have been the greatest moment in the Bush Presidency, and that is not a knock on Bush, as that first pitch in New York City, with 100 NYPD and FDNY officers on the field might have been one of the most chillingy beautiful moments in the history of the American presidency. What followed was a good, but untimately forgettable game, because for two nights, the Yankees, the Diamondbacks and a boy named Kim would captivate a nation. Ground Zero was shifted 10 miles north, to the Bronx, the site of baseball magic, magic that spread past the diamond and accross the nation.

Byung-Hyun Kim is Korean born, and in 2001 he barely knew English. He knew little of America, beyond his fair grasp of the ability to pitch. Little did he know that the man would become a tragic hero, but moreso a guy who simultaneously haunted his career and helped heal New York. It was near 11:30 pm on Halloween. The millions of kid ghosts that patrolled the streets of America hoarding candy were all inside, tucked away. Their time had pasts; it was time for the real ghosts to be unearthed. Down two, with one out remaining, one out seperating the Yankees from a nearly-impossible to recover 3-1 defecit in the series. Tino Martinez digged in. Tino Martinez wasted little time, taking the third delivery from Byung-Hyun Kim and knocking it deep. It was heading for the deepest part of the park, the black seats that once held fans who cheered on Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, men who were heroes in their day. "Mystique and Aura: Appearing Nightly" one fan's sign said, but it was the ghosts of those thousand new yorkers, of the countless fireman who took off Yankee hats and put un their gear before entering the burning tower, that lifted that ball further and further back. It nestled comfortably into the seats in right-center field, tying the game and sending the World Series into extra innings and into a new month. Baseball was to be played in November for the first time. Derek Jeter made the most of that opportunity, slamming the first pitch he saw the next inning off Mr. Kim. This time the power of the ghosts were not neccessary, as it shot into the stands, sending the Yankees into a celebration and the series into a deadlock. Byung-Hyun Kim left the field, head down, thinking that he had cost his team a game. Of course, he would do so much more than that.

The next night, Kim had a chance to redeem himself. Same situation, one out to go, two runs ahead. The Yankees were lifeless, having not scored a single run, and been helpless against Kim. Scott Brosius came up. The son of a police officer, Brosius knew that there were hundreds of kids who lost their fathers because as police officers, they entered the towers. Brosius knew that there were thousands in the city still grieving, still crying every time they went near Ground Zero, still replaying the attack over and over again. Brosius also knew that the ghosts would make their nightly appearance, that he was a Yankee, at a time that name meant more than ever. Brosius hammered the first pitch he saw, and in cleared the left-field wall, tying the game once more. It was too impossible. Only one world series game in history before 2001 had ever been won by a team who was down by more than one run with one out to go. The Yankees pulled off the feat twice in two days. 51 days after New York seemed helpless, seemed desolate and bleak, anything was possible again. The city that once built higher than anyone ever, the city that served as a refuge for those leaving squalid lives overseas, the city that stood for freedom, wealth and liberty, could conquer all odds, and it did. Byung-Hyun Kim again had to leave the field knowing that he cost his team a chance to win the world-series. He probably cost himself millions, as he would have been known as a lock-down pressure closer. However, this time, his head wasn't slumped down, it was high, it was up, mouth agape and eyes open. He was soaking it in, he was not revelling in his failure, he was admiring the pure joy that his failure had given too a city that needed it more than any.

Kim, and the Diamondbacks, would get the last laugh, with their memorable win in Game 7, coming from a run down with two outs to go against the best postseason closer in MLB history. Luis Gonzalez would get his name put along Brosius and Martinez as heroes of the 2001 World Series. However, the real winners were New York City, and America at large. At a time where America was still picking up the pieces from a shattered sense of security, at a time where millions of people were itching for something to captivate them, sport, a simple game with a stick and a ball, delivered.

Baseball will never be America's pasttime again. It has forever ceded that title to the NFL, a more marketable, more social game. However, there is no sport that is as dramatic, as memorable, as impactful and as meaningful as baseball. It is not a sport, it is an American tradition, like fireworks on July 4th. Every year, there is no tenser moment in sports than a close baseball playoff game, where every pitch seems like a mini-heart attack, a trembling silence, broken with a violent pitch and an equally violent swing of the bat. This was not every year, this was the year. This was the year that America's lost its security, lost its innocence. This was the year where America was brought back to earth. This was the year America was taught a lesson. No, not by the 19 terrorist, but by the 50 baseball players and a courageous president with a good right arm. The Yankees taught America to never give up, that even when faced with odds that have never been beaten ever, that there is still, and always will be, a way. Byung-Hyun Kim taught American's that the best way to respond to defeat is to hold your head high, to see that there is always joy in the world, wether the world that is your own life is crashing and burning. Finally, the ghosts taught us the greatest lesson of all. The Ghosts appear nightly, wether it be to lift a ball over a deep, deep fence or to comfort those it left behind far too soon. The World Series is the Fall Classic. In 2001, it was the American Classic, and there was no loser. Only the D'Backs held the trophy, but the country held their heads up high.



A Beautiful Clip of the Game 1 Intro. Only baseball can make these introspective, patriotic intros work. Why? Because it is still, and will always be, the most meaningful game.

World Series Game 1 - Running Diary

And we are off. Live from Room 1408, enjoying some nice Asian Noodles from Cafeasia, and needlesly procrastinating on my Calc homework.

Pregame

7:32 - The first Derek Jeter "godliness" comment starts within 30 seconds of the broadcast, with a "the captain of clutch." Oh, I love Jeter. My list of heroes goes 1.) Jeter, 2.) Sully the Pilot and 3.) God.

7:34 - Ozzie Guillen is here. I'm not sure how this will work, since Ozzie seems like someone who wil slur without thinking, so this will be fun. He's also not quite speaking English.

7:36 - Ozzie Guillen says to "be careful with A-Rod" followed up with Erik Karros (who the fuck??) saying "be careful of Mark Teixeira becuase he has not been hot yet." So we have one guy giving us an comment so obvious that John Madden is blushing, and then a guy giving us a pointless comment he immediately contradicts..... THIS IS FOX!!!!

7:38 - Picks: Mark Grace says Yankees in 6. Karros agrees with him after first rubbing his dick. Finally some balls, of course shown by Ozzie "big testes" Guillen, who picks the Phillies in 6. Ozzie may have an IQ of 37, but he is a baseball savant, so bad news Yankee fans.

7:42 - The obligatory Michael J. Fox parkinsons ad. This is an awful thing to say, but if I were Michael J. Fox I would fucking move all over the place in these ads, becuase he is not moving enough to get me to think Parkinsons is that bad.

7:43 - The Empire theme from Star Wars accompanies the Phillies. God, can the Yankee fans even muster up enough passion to boo the Phillies. Also, why is Ben Francisco playing? In related news, who is Ben Francisco?

7:45 - The Yankees are introduced with the 10th most relevan Star Wars music. This is the music that is usually played in the lulls in the middle of the movie, when nothing goes on. Who is picking this music? Hedeki Matsui? Thankfully, they start playing the actual hero theme from Star Wars. Of course, this music is drowning out the already inaudible cheers for the Yankees.

7:48 - Kenny Thomas is our anthem singer. Really? Kenny Thomas? These are the Yankees, their grass is Gold Shavings painted green. They could not get a real singer. They get an "English Soul Singer." I would have preferred Kenny Rogers. I would prefered the NBA Kenny Thomas singing.

7:52 - Just to get the image of that homeless man singing the anthem, I watched Jordin Sparks's Super Bowl XLII anthem. Now that was an anthem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGQfHIfSWK0&feature=PlayList&p=2ECA994C26A4568B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3
7:53 - Michelle Obama, Jill Biden (why do I find it funny that her name is "Jill Biden"), Army Captian Tony (a real hero), and Yogi Berra are throwing out the first pitch. His pitch is 20x better than most people's. Who thought of the first and second ladies? Where did that come from? I'll say this, George Bush was a fool, but he had the decency to not send out his better (much, much better) half out there. He came out and threw a perfect strike. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=631knZM9Uiw That was Bush's best moment.

7:59 - Best anthem ever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1QmeEdFOSc&feature=PlayList&p=9A5926CA07D194A1&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9 Super Bowl XXV.

Game On

8:00 - The opening pitch of the World Series is brought to you by Budweiser. No, I'm not shitting you. Rollins' bunts out on the first pitch. What a pussy play!! Bad start for the Phils.

8:02 - McCarver calls Sabathia "a totally different pitcher than he was a year ago." If by "different" he means "worse and fatter" then yes, he is. Shane Victorino pops out. And now we get the "Home Depot" Tools to victory.

8:06 - We get the first "catcher's crotch" inset as Sabathia follows that up with a walk of Utley, which will bring Howard to the plate. Howard is having an A-Rod like postseason, but no one gives a crap, because unlike A-Rod, Howard has actaully performed in previosu postseason. Howard doubles, and Utley is at 3rd. It took all of 2/3 of an inning for Yankee fans to be more scared of the Phillies than the 97 win Angels.

8:09 - Jayson Werth is apparently not known, yet he was an all-star. So far, Joe Buck is actually making more stupid comments than McCarver, this could be history in the making. Bases are now loaded, and Sabathia is astonished that people actually might decide to take pitches, unlike the Angels. By the way, thanks for that Ana - fucking - heim.

8:12 - Count now 3-1. McCarver, who predicted very confidently that Sabathia will throw a fastball, is proven wrong. Ibanez grounds out with the bases loaded. He seems to be another poon. Missed opportunity, but Sabathia seems off his game; maybe he just needs to eat a hot dog, like Sanchez.

8:14 - Free Black Taco from T-Bell from 6 to midnight on Halloween. Really, if you actually take advantage of this, you are either a cheap bastard, or need to go out and get a life, and stop frequenting fastfood establishments on Halloween.

8:16 - Cliff Lee has been dominant, absolutely Beckett-esque this postseason. If I am an Indians fan, I would give up all hope of ever being good just from this game. Here we have two pitchers who won back-to-back Cy Youngs for Cleveland who are gone for what will be a barrell of bats and balls (maybe some of Matsui's porn in Sabathia's case).

8:18 - Lee avoids God's lightning bolt and strikes out Jeter in three pitches. He looks like the opposite of Sabathia, in that he is pitching well and also in that he is not black and weighs the equivalent of 3 hippos. Damon bunts out. What is with all this bunting? These are the Yankees, Hank Steinbrenner is probably having uncontrollable fits of anger when one of his mercenaries bunts.

8:21 - Teixeira strikes out. I think the Yankees picked the wrong Indian. Lee is better, and only about 100 million cheaper.

8:23 - I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say "The Fourth Kind" will bomb. I don't even this one will count as going out on a limb, but that Wanda Sykes show will also bomb, alot. Sabathia continues to not find the strike zone. I think CC ate it.

8:26 - Buck says that "Sabathia does not worry about much." Clearly not his weight. Also, clearly not the sad bottom of this Phillies line-up. He easily gets out of the inning, and A-Rod is about to get his first World Series at-bat.

8:29 - In the Mac ad where they replay Jon Hodgeman saying that the current operating system will not have the problems the previous one did, why does Justing Long not appear to get younger, when Hodgeman does? Is Long a robot, is he impervious to aging?

8:33 - Just as Buck finishes his homage to A-Rod being a changed man in the postseason, Lee throws acid on that theory, as he strikes out A-Rod swinging. Posada gets a hit, and Lee finally looks human.

8:35 - Porn-Dog (Matsui) is up. I'm pretty sure all the Yankees will want him resigned so they get to continued use of the stash. Matsui strikes out (becoming a theme) and is now delighted as he can get some quiet time with Lil' Matsui down in the clubhouse. Cano flies out. Yankee fans evidently have shitty eyesight, as they get totally apeshit over a routine fly ball.

8:38 - DJ Hero is a game???? What is next, Orchestra Conductor Hero. What does a DJ do? Spin shit and what else?? We are going to kill society off with these games.

8:40 - I can watch the "Shankapotamus" E*Trade ad a million times, and it will be as funny on the a-millionth-and-first time. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys are singing tomorrow at Yankee Stadium. They were supposed to go today, but the rain cancelled that, so I guess that explains Homeless Guy #3 from Central Park singing the anthem.

8:42 - McCarver tells us that Sabathia and Rollins "grew up 35 miles apart." That's not that close. I guarantee you that I know absolutely no one that grew up 35 miles away from me. No one.

8:44 - Here is some actual baseball analysis. The Phillies are making Sabathia work, and are getting good swings on his balls. This could get interesting.

8:45 - McCarver says that this is "the Amtrak Series." Is he serious?? Amtrak goes everywhere. If the Yankees played the Dodgers, you could get to LA by Amtrak.

8:48 - There is an ad board saying that "24 returns January." Honestly, I think even Keifer Sutherland is bored at this point. There's only so many President's that can die, and other people for him to kill. Utley is fouling tons of pitches off, which is great becuase it is making CC throw alot.

8:50 - UTLEY HOMERS 1-0 PHILLIES

8:51 - Yankee Stadium, which has the sound of a Funeral Home at the best of times, is absolutely stunned. Yes, Yankee fans, other teams can hit the ball too.

8:53 - A sony ad featuring Peyton Manning, Justin Timberlake and Erin Andrews? Now that is an interesting group of characters. In other news, Blackberry is releasing a Blackberry Storm 2 already. Come on, there are millions that have not been suckered into buying the Blackberry Storm 1 (or 1 version 2.0) yet.

8:57 - Mastercard is donating 1,000 dollars to standup2cancer for every home run. Mastercard is probably worth billions. Isn't cancer enough of a cause to get at least 10 or 20 thousand? Swisher and Cabrera surprisingly get out, andby surprisingly I mean "so unsurprising, it hurts."

8:59 - St. Derek doubles. Which allows Johnny Damon do bat with a runer on, which is as good an idea that it rivals only "signing an obese guy to a 8 year deal" in the bad Yankee Ideas hall-of-fame.

9:02 - Honestly, for these Coors Light coach interview ads, I think using anybody would be better than Romeo Crennel. Why not use Ozzie Guillen? "Coach, coach, my can is blue, what do you think that means?" Guillen: "that means it is a faggot." That would be a wonderful ad.

9:04 - DirectTV "No one has all your favorite channels in HD". In fact, Comcast has all my favorite channels in HD. Unless I am the odd soul whose favorite channel is cartoon network, I think I will take my chances with Comcast and its 42 HD channels.

9:05 - The celebrities in the crowd: Alec Baldwin, Rudy Guliani (who is wearing the same WS hat since 2001), Kate Hudson, Kurt Russell and Jeff Gordon. I really don't know what to say.

9:09 - Sabathia has sprung to life after the home run. Sadly, it took him until he had thrown 60 pitches in 2 and 2/3 innings for him to realize that yes, in fact this is the World Series and he might bother showing up.

9:10 - Taking a break to cook up some Asian Noodles. Mmmmmm..... Raman!!!

9:17 - Lee strikes out Teixeira and Rodriguez back to back again. So, Teixeira and A-Rod, a combined 455 million dollars of contract, have come up to the plate four times, and struck out four times. I guess 455 million doesn't get what it used to.

9:19 - Cliff Lee strikes out the side, and has 7 k's through 4 innings. Is this Randy Johnson circa 2001 using Polyjuice Potion (Yeah, I love me some polyjuice potion references)?

9:21 - TD Bank may in fact be the most convenient bank, but I have yet to see a singular branch of the TD Bank. I guess that is their plan. No one can test their convenience theory, becuase they don't actually exist. Smart-asses, those TD Bank fellas.

9:24 - It looks like it is pouring in the Bronx. Weird, since it is not raining a bit here in lower Manhattan. And, we are not even 35 miles away from each other.

9:25 - Cliff Lee apparently thinks of CC as his best friend in baseball. I think he is only saying that, becuase if not CC would eat him. I see through Cliff Lee's games.

9:28 - I like the premise of "The Box" where Cameron Diaz can push a button and get a million dollars, but someone dies. I give it three months until this is a game show on NBC called "Pushing the Limits." (I know, that title is brilliant).

9:29 - Dunkin Donuts tells us to hurry up and get their fall flavors becuase they won't be here forever. I may be wrong, but I really don't think I am, but I may be but I'm pretty sure they will be here forever, as long as Fall continues to be a season.

9:31 - Buck: "The pace of Cliff Lee drips with confidence." Uh, Joe, I don't think adjectives can drip with things. Two really questionable ball calls (they were both strikes if CC was pitching) lead to a single by the Porn-Dog.

9:36 - The umpires have a chance to redeem themselves here, as it should be a double play for the Phillies as Rollins caught a ball in the air, and Porn-Dog was wandering randomly. The umps got the call right, and these umps should be immediately enshrined in the hall of fame for making that call correctly.

9:38 - Lee is absolutely cruising against this lineup whose total salaries could feed the country of Sierra Leone for the next four decades, and the Steinbrenners are considering trading for Lee before Game 5.

9:42 - Sabathia has reverted to his wild ways here in the 6th, starting with three straight balls to Victorino. Victorino pops out again, and this is getting to be a rather boring well-pitched game.
9:44 - Utley rips one just foul. McCarver just said how great a two-strike hitter he is, and McCarver is finally sounding like he is smart. He sounds like a fucking Einstein now.

9:45 - UTLEY HOMERS AGAIN 2-0 PHILLIES

9:46 - I'm gonna say it, and I know people will crucify for such an outlandish thing to say, but I think the Phillies are not scared of the big-bad Yankees and the "mystique and aura" of Yankee stadium. In fact, I think the Yankees forgot to bring mystique and aura across the street to the new digs.

9:51 - Werth hits a seeing-eye single, and Sabathia is about to throw his 100th pitch. I'm gonna say that this was one of the most dissapointing performances that yielded just 2 runs by a pitcher ever.

9:54 - Can Geico just bring back the fucking cave men please?? Also, is "The Men Who Stare at Goats" just about men who stare at goats, because if so, that is absolutely brilliant. Either way, best movie title since "Snakes on a Plane."

9:57 - Cabrera pops out, and we have had only one hard hit ball by a Yankee tonight, and that was Jeter's double. I make fun of Jeter, but he seems to be the only one who got the memo that, despite them being the Yankees, they actually have to play to win the World Series.

10:00 - Damon is 2-24 against Cliff Lee. Jerry Hairston is 1-6 with a home run against Lee. I think I am much, much smarter than Joe Girardi. But then again, I think the mold growing in our trash can is.

10:03 - Damon pops out (shock), and Lee literally yawns while grabbing the ball. I think he is locked in. Now comes the 455 million combo. Tex grounds out. This is immense fun watching the Yankees hitters suddenly turning into a more expensive version of the Mets.

10:06 - If Mike Bloomberg really did stuff for the middle class, like his ad says over and over, than I think he should have not allowed taxpayers to pay 900 million dollars for a stadium that looks exactly like the old Yankee Stadium. Honestly, what a fucking waste of money. Instead of building the new stadium, they should have paid for AC in Rubin Hall.

10:09 - Sabathia, on his 110th pitch, walks Ben Francisco. Francisco has a stunned look on his face, probably because this is the first time he has ever been walked. Pedro Feliz hits a double play. It's a bit ironic that Pedro Feliz is slow, I won't way why.

10:12 - And now comes God Bless America, better known as the Yankees crook way of freezing out pitchers in the name of fake Patriotism. If the Yankees were Patriotic, they would have not picked a British guy to sing the anthem. Also, fueling the fire of the my conspiracy theory is that this is by far the longest version of God Bless America ever. I think she made up that opening verse.

10:15 - A brilliant WalMart moment with a contrived family making up an even more contrived story. This ad is then followed by a Beatles song. Talk about one end of the spectrum to the other.

10:17 - A-Roid comes up. A-Roid grounds out. A-Roid is 0-3. Looks like he forgot that the World Series is part of the postseason as well. Phil Hughes is warming up, and gets the treat of facing the top of the order. That should be fun.

10:20 - McCarver tells a joke and makes himself and no one else laugh. I feel bad for him, but in a strange way connected to him, since I too try to tell jokes and make myself and no one else laugh. Tim, I feel for you. Posada grounds out.

10:22 - Porn-Dog grounds out (related note: CC Sabathia goes into the clubhouse to take a sneak into Matsui's best vids (Boner-Jams '03 - a bunch of clips Hedeki was into in the Summer of '03)). TheYankees have now been shut out for 16 straight World Series, dating back to Beckett's shutout in Game 6 in 2003.

10:26 - Rollins hits a bomb just foul. This is a key inning. They need a insurance run (or like five insurance runs) becuase we all know Lidge cannot be trusted. Phil Hughes has a classic "Holy Fuck, this is the world series" face. Hughes walks J-Roll with two pitches that were closer to Row 3 than they were to home plate.

10:29 - Hughes is annoyingly throwing over to first base on Rollins. There is a better chance of Yankee Stadium spontaneously taking off and flying to the moon then Hughes picking Rollins off. Hughes goes to 3-0. He is wasting all his strikes on his pick off throws. Rollins steals second. Great job trying to hold him to first Phil Hughes.

10:33 - Hughes walks Shane Victorino. Girardi tries to go cute going lefty-lefty with Damaso Marte. There are two things wrong with this: 1.) Utley has two home runs against the best lefty the Yankees have in CC and 2.) Damaso Marte sucks balls. Yankee Stadium appropriately boo.

10:36 - Is Damaso Marte holding Phil Coke hostage, or does he have pictures of Girardi fucking a melon, becuase if not, there is no reason for him to be pitching.

10:39 - Damaso Marte is somehow getting out of this jam. Good job, Damaso, you won't be killed tonight be a deranged Yankee fan.

10:43 - David Robertson in. Robertson was the center of scrutiny when Girardi took him out to let Aceves pitch in Game 3 of the ALCS. When fans are mad that you are taking David Robertson out, I think you may need to rethink the strength of your bullpen. Robertson promptly walks Werth in 4 pitches. I think Damaso Marte could have easily done the same.

10:47 - IBANEZ SINGLES 4-0 PHILLIES

10:48 - The New York media is going to hammer Girardi for not bringing in a lefty for Robertson when Ibanez came in. If Girardi is lucky, his lifeless team will continue to get shut out for two more innings just so this inning does not matter in the end.

10:52 - Lee comes out for the 8th, and I really hope he pitches a complete game. Great defensive play by Lee. Another reason why the Yankees should have picked Lee instead of Sabathia. No way Sabathia makes that play, unless the ball gets stuck on his gelatinous fat.

10:56 - Cliff Lee is now through 8. He is absolutely shutting down the Yankees and shutting up this crowd. I really hope he goes out there for the complete game.

10:59 - Here's an interesting tidbit, the Michelin Man is just CC Sabathia painted white and wearing a mask. Also, can you believe this, someone is trying to assassinate someone on 24. There is a shocker for you. I guess my opening episode idea of "Jack Bauer kills eight chinamen by himself" was overlooked.

11:00 - Brian Bruney is, which is always cause to celebrate with a brew. Ruiz hits a double, and it is sad when Carlos Ruiz has hit a ball harder than any Yankee.

11:05 - Jimmy Rollins hits a ball that just dies on the grass in front of A-Roid, which is ironic because Alex Rodrigeuz's postseason of glory just died as well.

11:07 - VICTORINO SINGLES 5-0 PHILLIES

11:07 - They just made the end of this game mighty anticlimatic and also mighty entertaining for a Yankee hater. Side note, the winner of game 1 has won the World Series every year since 2002.

11:13 -Phil Coke now goes 3-1 on Utley. This is not looking good for the Yanees. You know what else does not look good? The thousands of empty seats in Yankee Stadium.

11:16 - HOWARD DOUBLES 6-0 PHILLIES

11:16 - Ryan Howard is fucking the SI Cover Jinx in the ass right now. This is fun.

11:19 - Cliff Lee is out there to finish what he started, against the top of the order no less. For a team whose combined payroll rivals only Rush Limbaugh's salary, this is embarrasing.

11:21 - Joe Buck is now so bored he is rambling about Cliff Lee's kids Jackson and Macy. Good Lord, Buck. Can't you just make up some Pujols story to orgasm about instead. Jeter continues to be the only Yankee to show up as he singles.

11:22 - Johnny Damon is now 4-26 lifetime against Cliff Lee. I really hope they let Lee finish this. He is not blowing a 6 run lead. Suddenly, Girardi's ass managing is a problem now, as this would be a much more nerve racking ninth inning.

11:24 - JETER SCORES ON ROLLINS' ERROR 6-1 PHILLIES

11:24 - The Yankees went 17 and 1/3 innings without scoring a run, so the Yankees finally get off the schnied. Rollins idiotic attempt at a double play takes away the shutout. A-Rod now up. I hope this does not absolve Teixeira's shitty night. A-Roid quickly to 0-2 against Lee.

11:26 - This is why I would not make a good proffesional athlete, other than my lack of ability. I would be furious if my teammate's bonehead error just cost me a shutout. I would seriously kill him in my mind.

11:26 - A-Roid strikes out again. I am sooooooo happy the old A-Roid is back. I've missed you buddy.

11:28 - Jorge Posada strikes out. Lee goes the distance giving up 6 hits and striking out 10, and coming within one horrible throw by Rollins from getting a complete game shutout. The boy is special. Yankee Stadium is eerily silent, and I am pumped up, I just took a victory lap around my dorm.

That was an interesting game 1. Lee was brilliant, Sabathia was fat, Girardi did his usual questionable managing job, Damaso Marte actually performed well, Chase Utley was nearly killed by Hal Steinbrenner's hitman, and Pedro is pitching in Yankee stadium tomorrow.

I would do this again, but instead I will visit a local establishment and cheer against the Yankees in the hear of NYC. Wish me luck.