I didn't watch the AFC Championship Game. At least I didn't watch it live. I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand it. The pressure was too much. The haunting memories of the terrible sports moments I've had due to the spoils of victorious Boston teams. The haunting memories of Peyton Manning's team's inventing new ways to lose games. It all was too much for me. I couldn't do it. I decided not to watch the game right after the Broncos beat the Chargers a week ago. I waffled back and forth throughout the week if that was the right decision, the wrong decision, or the stupidest decision ever made by any at-worst-semi-rational person. In the end, I chose not to do it. Instead, I cowered in my dark bedroom watching The Godfather, Pt. 2.
Am I embarrassed that I care so much about sports that I couldn't even stomach watching the game? I don't know. In a way, I'm also proud of me following through on that promise to myself, in my ability to avoid checking the score, to avoid giving in to the nagging sense of doom in my stomach. In a way, it was kind of exciting to be sitting there in my dark room (this isn't an intangible adjective, I never put my lights on as darkness descended) and be totally blind to what was going on in the world. It was a unique feeling of independence.
I picked The Godfather, Pt. 2 mainly because its 200 minute running time pretty nicely matched up to the length of a playoff game. Both sides of that statement are revealing - The Godfather, Pt. 2 is absurdly long, and as is a playoff game. It was invigorating watching Al Pacino and Robert De Niro do their work while Peyton Manning and Tom Brady were doing their work. There might be a future in this, but for my sake I hope not.
Nothing about sports excites me like the nervousness of the experience. This was true when I played rec sports, true when I played Tennis for my school, and true when I've watched sports since like 2003 (the '02 Raiders and '02-03 Devils were the first teams I really followed in the true sense of the word). I can still remember those breathless, haunting nights in my basement watching the 2005 Astros take on the St. Louis Cardinals in the NLCS. Or my despair turned the joy turning to despair again when the Colts took on the Steelers in the 2005 playoffs. To think Sports can invigorate you when you're doing nothing but watching something happen that is disconnected to you is amazing. And over time it grew too much for me in this one specific case.
Sometime during the past five years the despair of being a Peyton Manning fan became too much. Having to listen to blind idiots say how he chokes, how he can't win the big one, how he's not as good as Tom Brady, how he's the most overrated QB ever, how he doesn't deserve his MVP awards, how what he did in the regular season was meaningless. All of that. It beat the life out of me. I think it really hit me last year, when Manning returned from an injury that some thought would end his career and had an MVP-caliber season, and when December hit, no one cared and everyone started saying 'all that matters is what happens in January'.
Why? Why is that all that matters? Why do people care so much about single-elimination games? Why do people weight 15 playoff games over 200 regular season games? Why can't people just accept Peyton for Peyton. Even this year, as he set every passing record ever, regained his Passing TDs record (smashing it, really) and having an insane season, everyone still acted like nothing was meaningful until January started. I couldn't handle the fall-out of another potential January loss, especially to Tom Brady and hte Patriots.
I still love football more than any sport in the world. I loved the 1st half of the Panthers-49ers game. I loved everything about the 49ers other two playoff games. The Colts amazing comeback against the Chiefs brought me back to the height of hte Manning era. The Panthers-Saints regular season game was probably my favorite regular season NFL game in two years. The 49ers-SEahawks game enthralled me so much I watched the whole thing the next day and was still entertained. Yet none of this matters when Manning's involved because the stakes are too high.
I chose not to watch the game because I couldn't. In the end the game happened about as good as I could have ever imagined save for a Tom Brady vs. the Ravens in 2009 type meltdown. Manning was technically perfect. There was nothing to take away from his performance. It was a great game by him that I would have loved watching, but I couldn't do it. I watched Michael Corleone lose grip of his life instead.
I don't even know what the point of writing this is. I guess it is just how stunned I am at myself that I was able to decide not to watch a live playoff game involving my favorite player and my most hated team. I'm someone who will watch playoff games from earlier in the decade, knowing exactly what happened and love all of it. I'm someone who dreamed of being a defensive coordinator, adn would still love to work in the NFL. And despite all of that, I couldn't watch this game.
Does sports mean too much? I don't know. I would never do this in any other sport, even in football in any other matchup. I think the legacy of Peyton Manning means too much. It's odd since I don't know him, and will likely never meet him, but I care about him. I wrote on a Colts blog this year that 'I Love Andrew Luck, but I Lived Peyton Manning.' I'm not quite sure what that means, but he's been my entrance into football. He's been my vehicle to become more knowledgeable about football, to know how to see what's smart football analysis vs. dumb football analysis. He's been everything I could have ever asked for as a sports fan, and nothing means more to me as a sports fan than for him to win a 2nd ring.
I started this blog in October of 2009. That season was an interesting one that ended with probably the largest gap between Peyton Mannign and Tom Brady in terms of how they were viewed. Manning's team, entering Super Bowl XLIV, won all the games they tried to win and he won his 4th Super Bowl. Tom Brady's team went 10-6 (their worst record with Brady starting since 2002), and lost in embarrassing fashion in the playoffs to Baltimore. I was so confident f Manning's greatness at that time I wasn't the least bit nervous when they fell behind 17-6 in the AFC Championship Game.
And then the Super Bowl happened. The Colts led 10-0. But Pierre Garcon dropped a 50-yard pass. Hank Baskett couldn't recover an onside kick, and an ancient Matt Stover couldn't hit a 51-yard field goal. They lost the game and none of it mattered. Suddenly, Manning was a choker again. One year later he willed a mash-unit to the playoffs, while Tom Brady went 14-2. Two years later Manning's career was in jeopardy. Every day that goes by the pain of Super Bowl XLIV gets a little worse and worse, and that pain reached its climax when I couldn't watch an AFC Championship Game live.
I long for the day when Manning retires (hopefully with 2 or more rings) and Tom Brady retires, and I can go back to just being a fan. I love football. It's the greatest sport in the world. It is the most perfect sport in the world, but I don't love what I have to deal with right now. I want it to end. The one way it all ends is if Manning wins the Super Bowl in 10 days. The other way is when he retires. Please let it be the first one, as that is an offer I cannot refuse.
Am I embarrassed that I care so much about sports that I couldn't even stomach watching the game? I don't know. In a way, I'm also proud of me following through on that promise to myself, in my ability to avoid checking the score, to avoid giving in to the nagging sense of doom in my stomach. In a way, it was kind of exciting to be sitting there in my dark room (this isn't an intangible adjective, I never put my lights on as darkness descended) and be totally blind to what was going on in the world. It was a unique feeling of independence.
I picked The Godfather, Pt. 2 mainly because its 200 minute running time pretty nicely matched up to the length of a playoff game. Both sides of that statement are revealing - The Godfather, Pt. 2 is absurdly long, and as is a playoff game. It was invigorating watching Al Pacino and Robert De Niro do their work while Peyton Manning and Tom Brady were doing their work. There might be a future in this, but for my sake I hope not.
Nothing about sports excites me like the nervousness of the experience. This was true when I played rec sports, true when I played Tennis for my school, and true when I've watched sports since like 2003 (the '02 Raiders and '02-03 Devils were the first teams I really followed in the true sense of the word). I can still remember those breathless, haunting nights in my basement watching the 2005 Astros take on the St. Louis Cardinals in the NLCS. Or my despair turned the joy turning to despair again when the Colts took on the Steelers in the 2005 playoffs. To think Sports can invigorate you when you're doing nothing but watching something happen that is disconnected to you is amazing. And over time it grew too much for me in this one specific case.
Sometime during the past five years the despair of being a Peyton Manning fan became too much. Having to listen to blind idiots say how he chokes, how he can't win the big one, how he's not as good as Tom Brady, how he's the most overrated QB ever, how he doesn't deserve his MVP awards, how what he did in the regular season was meaningless. All of that. It beat the life out of me. I think it really hit me last year, when Manning returned from an injury that some thought would end his career and had an MVP-caliber season, and when December hit, no one cared and everyone started saying 'all that matters is what happens in January'.
Why? Why is that all that matters? Why do people care so much about single-elimination games? Why do people weight 15 playoff games over 200 regular season games? Why can't people just accept Peyton for Peyton. Even this year, as he set every passing record ever, regained his Passing TDs record (smashing it, really) and having an insane season, everyone still acted like nothing was meaningful until January started. I couldn't handle the fall-out of another potential January loss, especially to Tom Brady and hte Patriots.
I still love football more than any sport in the world. I loved the 1st half of the Panthers-49ers game. I loved everything about the 49ers other two playoff games. The Colts amazing comeback against the Chiefs brought me back to the height of hte Manning era. The Panthers-Saints regular season game was probably my favorite regular season NFL game in two years. The 49ers-SEahawks game enthralled me so much I watched the whole thing the next day and was still entertained. Yet none of this matters when Manning's involved because the stakes are too high.
I chose not to watch the game because I couldn't. In the end the game happened about as good as I could have ever imagined save for a Tom Brady vs. the Ravens in 2009 type meltdown. Manning was technically perfect. There was nothing to take away from his performance. It was a great game by him that I would have loved watching, but I couldn't do it. I watched Michael Corleone lose grip of his life instead.
I don't even know what the point of writing this is. I guess it is just how stunned I am at myself that I was able to decide not to watch a live playoff game involving my favorite player and my most hated team. I'm someone who will watch playoff games from earlier in the decade, knowing exactly what happened and love all of it. I'm someone who dreamed of being a defensive coordinator, adn would still love to work in the NFL. And despite all of that, I couldn't watch this game.
Does sports mean too much? I don't know. I would never do this in any other sport, even in football in any other matchup. I think the legacy of Peyton Manning means too much. It's odd since I don't know him, and will likely never meet him, but I care about him. I wrote on a Colts blog this year that 'I Love Andrew Luck, but I Lived Peyton Manning.' I'm not quite sure what that means, but he's been my entrance into football. He's been my vehicle to become more knowledgeable about football, to know how to see what's smart football analysis vs. dumb football analysis. He's been everything I could have ever asked for as a sports fan, and nothing means more to me as a sports fan than for him to win a 2nd ring.
I started this blog in October of 2009. That season was an interesting one that ended with probably the largest gap between Peyton Mannign and Tom Brady in terms of how they were viewed. Manning's team, entering Super Bowl XLIV, won all the games they tried to win and he won his 4th Super Bowl. Tom Brady's team went 10-6 (their worst record with Brady starting since 2002), and lost in embarrassing fashion in the playoffs to Baltimore. I was so confident f Manning's greatness at that time I wasn't the least bit nervous when they fell behind 17-6 in the AFC Championship Game.
And then the Super Bowl happened. The Colts led 10-0. But Pierre Garcon dropped a 50-yard pass. Hank Baskett couldn't recover an onside kick, and an ancient Matt Stover couldn't hit a 51-yard field goal. They lost the game and none of it mattered. Suddenly, Manning was a choker again. One year later he willed a mash-unit to the playoffs, while Tom Brady went 14-2. Two years later Manning's career was in jeopardy. Every day that goes by the pain of Super Bowl XLIV gets a little worse and worse, and that pain reached its climax when I couldn't watch an AFC Championship Game live.
I long for the day when Manning retires (hopefully with 2 or more rings) and Tom Brady retires, and I can go back to just being a fan. I love football. It's the greatest sport in the world. It is the most perfect sport in the world, but I don't love what I have to deal with right now. I want it to end. The one way it all ends is if Manning wins the Super Bowl in 10 days. The other way is when he retires. Please let it be the first one, as that is an offer I cannot refuse.
