I have some other plans for writing this week, so the power rankings will be a lot shorter. Two sentences for each team. Let's do this.
32.) Denver Broncos (2-6)
They are a disaster right now, which was reinforced by the Broncos' inability to be able to hold onto a seven point lead against a team that is 1-6. The Josh McDaniels era will be over pretty soon, and even though I hate the Broncos, even I wouldn't wish the continuation of that era on that franchise.
31.) Buffalo Bills (0-7)
They are the best 0-7 team ever by far, as shown by their two straight road losses in overtime. I really feel bad for Chan Gailey, because Bill Walsh couldn't even have this team close to .500 with the talent on that team.
30.) Dallas Cowboys (1-6)
Even the clusterfuck that is the Josh McDaniels era does not elicit the same amount of joy as the Cowboys sucking ass in the year that they are hosting the Super Bowl. Honestly, getting blown out at home by the Jaguars has got to be one of the darkest hour in the franchise's history.
29.) Carolina Panthers (1-6)
Well, that was the opposite of an inspired performance by them, and continues what will be a long, dreary lame-duck season for John Fox. At least they can take solace in the fact that the Cowboys have the exact same record.
28.) San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
That was not an inspiring win, considering the team they beat is now ranked 32 on my list, but it was a win. The 49ers can at least claim to be the best team in Europe (yeah, I realize that I am about the 20th person to make that joke this hour).
27.) Arizona Cardinals (3-4)
I guess Max Hall can take solace that at least he is better than Matt Leinart. The fact that the Cardinals are just one game behind the division-leading Seahawks is really humorous for some reason.
26.) Minnesota Vikings (2-5)
The Randy Moss fiasco is exhibit A of why you never, ever give a not-excellent head coach full control of the roster. The fact that Brad Childress could make that move without even needing the support or acceptance of his OWNER just shows what a mess the Vikings are.
25.) Cincinnati Bengals (2-5)
For a second there went it was 14-6, and the Bengals defense was dominating the Dolphins, I considered maybe becoming slightly infatuated by the Bengals again. Thank God they ended up losing, because I might have had to justify me liking the Bengals, again.
24.) Cleveland Browns (2-5)
The Mangenius gets the most out of his players, as he led an untalented Jets team to the playoffs in 2006, and is getting the untalented Browns to play tough each week. I really hope Mike Holmgren doesn't go out and fire him after their 4-12 season and hire some schmuck like Marty Mornhinweg.
23.) Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4)
For once I can love this sorry team for inflicting that on the Cowboys. Good for them to finally play hard against a team that is not the Colts, and good for them for doing something on the road, and good for David Garrard to play better than Jon Kitna.
22.) Washington Redskins (4-4)
This McNabb thing is ridiculous, considering Shanahan went through years of starting Brian Griese, Bubby Brister and Jake Plummer. Shanahan would have had better luck on that 2 minute drill putting in Albert Haynesworth at QB rather than Rex Grossman.
21.) Detroit Lions (2-5)
Well, it was sure good to have Matthew Stafford back and slinging it, and Calvin Johnson mega-tron-ing up. The Lions are really, really fun to watch, which is more than really any team above them (not counting the Cowboys deathmarch to 3-13).
20.) St. Louis Rams (4-4)
It may not be the Greatest Show on Turf (in fact, it is nothing like the Greatest Show on Turf), but the Rams own the dome again. They are now 4-1 at home (albeit against three average teams, and the Chargers), which means they have won more home games in this half season than they won total games in the past two years, combined.
19.) Seattle Seahawks (4-3)
The loss of Red Bryant is huge (alert: actual football information coming up). The best part of the Seahawks was their run defense, and now that is really, really hurt by the loss of Red Bryant, their best run stuffer.
18.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-2)
All the Buccaneers do is win football games, bitches. The Buccaneers are now one win back of having the best record in the NFL, and despite not beating any team that is any good, are legitimately halfway to ten wins.
17.) Miami Dolphins (4-3)
Am I the only one not enamored by them and wonder what it is that they exactly do well? The running game isn't near what it was last year, and Henne is not really progressing, and that defense can be had.
16.) Oakland Raiders (4-4)
Huge game coming up, and really the biggest game for the Raiders since Super Bowl XXXVII, or in other words, the biggest game since I was in 6th Grade. The Raiders have had two weeks that combined are more dominant than any team in a two-week span since the 2007 Patriots.
15.) Kansas City Chiefs (5-2)
Huge game coming up for them too, as that division lead will go down to half a game with a loss (since the Raiders will hold the h2h win). The Chiefs continue to get by without a great passing game, which means that their success has an expiration date, but it is looking more and more likely that the expiration date is in January.
14.) Philadelphia Eagles (4-3)
Mike Vick is reported to be the starting QB again, which is nice, as this team is entering a critical stage in their season. They are just one game behind the Giants, but after seeing the Eagles blow a 9-point 4th quarter lead, it really seems like they are a lot further behind in terms of quality.
13.) Chicago Bears (4-3)
Let's see if the Bears can stop losing winnable games in which they outplay their opponent. If the Bears cannot give Cutler protection in this game (against the Bills), then the Bears really have no hope for the rest of the season.
12.) San Diego Chargers (3-5)
I am really terrified of this team sneaking into the playoffs, especially in V-Jax gets into form. They have a real uphill climb, since there are two teams to overcome, and they have a tough schedule here on out, but it looks pretty possible.
11.) Tennessee Titans (5-3)
The Kenny Britt injury really hurts this team, who might be a logical place for Randy Moss to "take his talents" to. They need some explosiveness, and Moss can give them that, and they would have the best home-run threat at receiver and running back.
10.) New Orleans Saints (5-3)
That was a critical win, but I have a feeling that the Saints can rise to the moment, but have a hard time getting up for day games. The Saints have played their best in their three biggest games (@TB, the opener, and that last one), but during the other day games, have looked really flat.
9.) Houston Texans (4-3)
That was a tough loss, and I came close to dropping them further, but their excellent running game keeps me attached. I have noticed that Matt Schaub has very low pocket presence for a player as good as he is, and he needs to improve it.
8.) Green Bay Packers (5-3)
The Packers defense can go through stretches where they play absolutely dominant, but you know that they can also inexplicably have a game like the Wild Card game last year where they can't stop Boise St. Aaron Rodgers needs to play better, quickly.
7.) Atlanta Falcons (5-2)
They became largely forgotten over the bye, but get the chance to enter spotlight if they can put away the Buccaneers this weekend. Look for them to try to force the run, as they need Michael Turner better for the stretch run.
6.) New England Patriots (6-1)
I can't put a team that is outgained on average 50 yards a game any higher. Sooner or later, their inability to sustain drives will haunt them, and their ability to get inexplicable breaks (like the two fumbles that they got against San Diego or the missed interception and their own lucky-ass interceptions) will stop.
5.) New York Jets (5-2)
That was a humiliating game, but their defense played really, really well against a good offense. The Jets offense probably won't be that bad again, because I can't see the receivers dropping almost every pass, so they will be fine.
4.) Baltimore Ravens (5-2)
They have won four out of five and still boast talent on that roster. Hopefully they spent the bye week well, as they need to pile up wins before their rematch with the Steelers in Baltimore in early December.
3.) New York Giants (5-2)
I called that this Giants team would be the number one seed in the NFC, and unless Atlanta goes on a major run against weaker competition, or Aaron Rodgers starts playing like Kurt Warner circa 1999-2001, I can't see them not getting it. I really nailed this team.
2.) Indianapolis Colts (5-2)
That was the unhealthiest they will be all year, with both corners expected to be back, and D-Brown and Gonzo getting healthier each game, and Addai and Collie back by December, and they beat a good team easily. The Colts just don't lose primetime games.
1.) Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2)
That was a buzzsaw game, and if Heath Miller doesn't fumble there, they have a pretty good shot to sneak it out. Needless to say, that will probably be the toughest atmosphere they play in all year (with the possible exception of the aforementioned game in Baltimore), so it is hard to dock them too much for that loss.
Postseason Projections
AFC
1.) Pittsburgh Steelers 13-3
2.) Indianapolis Colts 13-3
3.) New York Jets 11-5
4.) Kansas City Chiefs 10-6
5.) Baltimore Ravens 12-4
6.) New England Patriots 11-5
NFC
1.) New York Giants 12-4
2.) Atlanta Falcons 12-4
3.) Green Bay Packers 10-6
4.) Seattle Seahawks 9-7
5.) New Orleans Saints 10-6
6.) Chicago Bears 9-7
Notes
- The Steelers get the top seed because I think the Colts and Steelers both lose an AFC Game, giving the Steelers a better conference record.
- I think the Jets sweep the Pats, giving the Jets the division title
- The Giants will have a better conference record than the Falcons
- The Saints have a really easy schedule, and I don't think any other NFC team has a better chance than the Bears (yes, even Tampa
Back later this week with a Decadium piece (Gasp of Surprise!!! - yes, I'm not done with those).
Plus maybe something about the Raidas.
