Top 200 in the NFL: 200-101

Camps are now open. The long football-less spring and summer is over. So, I have to ask: ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!!!

Over the next two weeks, I will be delivering my comprehensive, multi-faceted, season preview of this upcoming NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE season in the Calendar Year 2010. Up first, my list of the Top-200 Players in said league.

I should note that the players are ranked on past performance in the recent past (so, no Brett Favre doesn't get any bonus points for winning three straight MVPs in the 90's), future production (my opinion of what future production will be), and importance to their team. Also, I did dock points for players coming off major injuries (Welker, Gross, Daniels, Kampman, etc). I also tried to be as unbiased as possible (not sure I did that well), and even out between offense and defense (did that exceedingly well, with 100 on each).

200.) Hines Ward, WR, Steelers – Great year last season, as his numbers soared as Bruce Arians took the reins off that passing game, but I expect them to run a lot more this year. Age is also a concern.

199.) Todd Harremans, G, Eagles – Tried and true run-blocker, Harremans has been the link between the current Eagles O-line and their great lines earlier in the past decade.

198.) Clint Session, OLB, Colts – Young player who has a knack of making key plays during games. Good blitzer and run-stuffer compared to past Colts LBs.

197.) Randy Starks, DE, Dolphins – Needs to step up with Philip Merling’s season ending injury, but Starks showed in 2009 that he has the potential to be the Richard Seymour of Miami’s 3-4.

196.) Nick Hardwick, C, Chargers – Older player is the last true vestige of the Tomlinson era. His presence was missed last year. Injury concerns are there.

195.) Matt Shaughnessy, DE, Raiders – Top player so far from the 2009 draft class, Shaughnessy wowed in his rookie season with 5 sacks in limited time. He has a chance to get even better with space eaters Seymour and Henderson next to him.

194.) Donald Penn, T, Tampa Bay – The best young player on Tampa’s young offense, Donald Penn at least stabilizes the second most important offensive position for the Bucs. Sad they can’t do the same for the most important position.

193.) Jim Loehnard, S, Jets – What makes his first season in New York even more impressive is that he actually got better without having the luxury of Ed Reed next to him on the field. Big play, hard working guy.

192.) Zac Diles, OLB, Texans – The First of many good players on that young Texans defense. His presence allows Cushing to freelance. It will be interesting to see how he does with Cushing out.

191.) Chad Henne, QB, Dolphins – The first team with two players on the list, the Dolphins have their QB for the future. If Henne continues to improve, the Dolphins offense will become an air show, and the wildcat will be a thing of the past.

190.) Jacob Ford, DE, Titans – Part of the smorgesboard in Tennessee to replace Albert Haynesworth, Jacob Ford continues to get better as a dominant pass rusher of the end of the line. He’s one of many on the defensive line with the most upside in the NFL.

189.) Dan Koppen, C, Patriots – As the Patriots moved to more and more shotgun starting in 2007, he’s become even more important for his intelligence than his great blocking. Age did show last year, though.

188.) Jerod Mayo, MLB, Patriots – After a stellar rookie year, was not able to raise and lead a youthful linebacker corp. With better play around him, could go back to being a force.

187.) Chris Williams, T, Bears – Was able to shine late when finally given the opportunity to play LT. He has the quickness and size combination to handle Clay Matthews and Jared Allen, which makes the Cutler-Martz connection scarier.

186.) Anthony Gonzalez, WR, Colts – If list was done a year ago, he would have been about 50 spots higher. A freak injury took him out of 2009, but he has the ability to beat out Garcon and Collie for the #2 job, and if he does, look out.

185.) Jammal Brown, T, Redskins – Curious deal sent him to Washington, but we shouldn’t forget that until his injury last year, he was one of the brighter young LTs in the game. The fact the Saints gave him up that easily is a question mark.

184.) Lawrence Timmons, MLB, Steelers – The first of a loaded Steeler defense, Timmons did not ascend as a run stuffer. He has amazing talent as a pass rusher from an inside position.

183.) Zach Miller, TE, Raiders – He put up solid numbers catching passes from JaMarcus Russell. Now he gets a legitimate QB who looks for his TE often (see: Cooley, Chris 2005-2008). He has the speed and size to beat nearly every TE in the league.

182.) Fred Jackson, RB, Bills – He proved in 2009 that 2008 was no fluke at all. Chan Gailey has always had good faith in one-back systems, and developed o-lineman, and with better blocking, he can explode even further.

181.) Sean Brown, S, Buccaneers – It is amazing a player this solid and consistent is now on his third team in four years. Brown has good skills in staying behind receivers. His impact is more than the statsheet indicates.

180.) Ryan Clark, S, Steelers – The one positive of Troy Polamalu’s injury last year was that it gave Ryan Clark a chance to shine. His play at FS is much like Polamalu, as he can come up and stuff the run. Just another extremely versatile defensive player for the league’s most inventive defensive mind.

179.) Frank Gore, RB, 49ers – His play suffered from bad blocking. Now that the blocking has improved, age becomes a concern as production has dropped 4 straight years.

178.) Ryan Kalil, C, Panthers – The guy who snaps the ball for the league’s best o-line is often overlooked by his more notable linemates, but he should not.

177.) Jonathan Vilma, MLB, Saints – Found a home in the center of the Super Bowl Champion’s defense, and is perfectly utilized as a jack-blitzer for Gregg Williams’ defensive scheme.

176.) Jerraud Powers, CB, Colts – Played amazingly well as a rookie, keeping the Colts corners anchored with Kelvin Hayden out. Durability, much like for every Colts player, is a concern.

175.) Robert Gallery, G, Raiders – Once a punchline as a bust at tackle, Gallery has found a home at guard. When any QB not named JaMarcus Russell was behind center, he did not give up a sack.

174.) Chris Houston, CB, Falcons – Coming off a freak ACL tear, Houston should come close to returning to the form that made him one of the best up-and-coming corners in the league. Especially with more skill around him on the Falcons defense.

173.) Joe Flacco, QB, Ravens – Quietly became overrated, as he piled up stats against dregs, but struggled quite often against the premier teams. Plus, for his 3-2 playoff record, he has only once completed over 50% of his passes in a playoff game.

172.) Leonard Davis, G, Cowboys – He’s aging, and he often mysteriously disappears, but when he’s on, he’s a top-5 guard. Key man for the Cowboys, now that his side mate Flozell Adams is gone.

171.) Corey Williams, DT, Lions – He can be a force in a Jim Schwartz defense, as he was in both Cleveland and Green Bay. If Ndomakung Suh lives up to his billing, it will be because of this man next to him.

170.) Leigh Bodden, CB, Patriots – After years of doing yoeman’s work for bad teams, he finally gets onto a good one. Bodden is a stable player in a very unstable defense.

169.) Jamaal Charles, RB, Chiefs – If he is not a flash-in-the-pan, then the Chiefs may have another great back in a long line of them. However, it should be said that he piled up yards against two teams (Raiders, Broncos) that are horrible at stopping the run.

168.) Aaron Ross, CB, Giants – Like almost everyone on that defense, his play dipped a bit, but Aaron Ross was still solid, adding some stability and keeping the pass defense decent after Kenny Phillips departure.

167.) Bart Scott, MLB, Jets – He had a good year as the centerpiece of the Jets front-seven, but the track record of players leaving the cozy confines of Ray Lewis aren’t good, and as a bonus even Adalius Thomas had a good first year away from Baltimore.

166.) Sidney Rice, WR, Vikings – His skill cannot be understated, but he had done little to nothing before last year. One more year of big numbers should go a long way to establishing himself as a top-10 WR.

165.) Jermichael Finley, TE, Packers – He had a good finish to the season, but against the premier defenses in the league that the Packers played (Cowboys, Vikings, Ravens) he was silent. That has to change if he should be considered a top-5 TE.

164.) Keith Rivers, OLB, Bengals – He shined in his first fully healthy year, although he showed he could not anchor the defense alone without Maualuga next to him in the Wild Card game.

163.) John Henderson, DT, Raiders – His days of being a pass-rush force are gone, but he was still one of the best run-stuffing lineman last year, and playing next to Richard Seymour, he has a perfect situation to do just that again.

162.) D’Brickshaw Ferguson, T, Jets – Finally really lived up to the draft pick the Jets used on him, he now needs to take it one more step further, as the Jets will have rookie Vladimir Ducasse next to him.

161.) Felix Jones, RB, Cowboys – He has immense talent, but just cannot stay healthy. Thos players usually don’t magically become healthy later on either, especially at running back.

160.) Alex Smith, QB, 49ers – Shined late last year, as he finally had enough receiving weapons to make an impact. If Crabtree takes another step forward, and Vernon Davis continues to play at his high level, he can easily be a playoff-caliber QB.

159.) Jason Campbell, QB, Raiders – He was criminally underrated because he is the hardest thing for anyone to conceptualize, in that he is average. That is all. However, for the Raiders, that is a huge step up, and the team will definitely play hard for him.

158.) Charles Godfrey, S, Panthers – The Panthers will need him to continue his great play from late 2009, as the secondary for the Panthers will be of added importance with the change and injuries in front of him.

157.) Joe Staley, T, 49ers – The 49ers gave up what would have been the #7 pick for him, and he finally showed that they might not have wasted the pick last year. With two rookies along him on the line, he needs to raise his game another level again.

156.) Tommie Harris, DT, CHI – Injuries have wrecked what once was the best interior defensive lineman in the league. He is still a pro-bowl caliber player, and having Julius Peppers next to him will help ease the pressure on him to get just that, pressure.

155.) Ricky Williams, RB, Dolphins – Although it still is in some ways reprehensible, his time away from the league has definitely helped him. Injury or not to his competition, but he’s shown that he can do it alone without Ronnie Brown.

154.) Carl Nicks, G, Saints – He has more pass-blocking skills than almost any other guard in the NFL. He is a key guy as no team relies on their interior lineman to pass protect more than the Saints.

153.) Brandon Flowers, CB, Chiefs – The Chiefs have made many drafting mistakes in recent years, but Flowers’ isn’t one. He has a chance to combine with Eric Berry in a premier S-CB tandem for a long time.

152.) John Carlson, TE, Seahawks – Injuries to his QBs have stunted his production, but he is, in many ways, the successor to Jason Witten, as a premier pass-catching and blocking TE.

151.) Bob Sanders, S, Colts – If he could just stay healthy, he could’ve been a hall-of-famer. Whatever he can give the Colts is now gravy, but the Colts know that the gravy is at least extremely tasty in Sanders’ case.

150.) Tanard Jackson, S, Buccaneers – He’s the neo-John Lynch. A ferocious hitter as well as athlete, Jackson is just another member of the new-Bucs, a team that will one day create a defense that will at least mimic the 1996-2002 Bucs.

149.) Mat Birk, C, Ravens – After heading over to the Ravens, many thought that he would take a step back as Hutchinson was no longer by his side. Instead he anchored one of the best o-lines in the game. He is getting a bit old, and probably will see some decline in 2010 if not injury.

148.) Winston Justice, T, Eagles – Enough cannot be said about the work Justice has put in. He used to be known as the guy who let Osi Umenyiora abuse him to the tune of 6 sacks, but now he is quietly one of the better RT in the game.

147.) Travhelle Wharton, G, Panthers – After doing great at LT last year after Gross’ injury, he will slide back to his more natural LG position, where he paced the league in 2008. There is a reason both Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams average 5.0 ypc.

146.) Steve Smith, WR, Giants – In a couple years, he probably will no longer be the “other Steve Smith”. However, the real Steve Smith wishes he had this one by his side. Smith is one of the better possession receivers, a neo-TJ Houshmanzadeh.

145.) Brian Urlacher, MLB, Bears – Age and injury concerns have taken some of the shine of the league’s most consistent defender of the 2000s, but Urlacher returns with a new toy in front of him, and newfound determination to win that ugly spat he had with Gale Sayers.

144.) Heath Miller, TE, Steelers – The Steelers don’t heavily throw to TEs, but you can tell that when the goal line approaches, Roethlisberger zeroes in on his TE with great hands.

143.) Calais Campbell, DT, Cardinals – He took some time to develop, but Campbell has restored the legacy of great D-Lineman from ‘The U’. He has great penetration, and playing across from Darnell Dockett makes him more important and more explosive.

142.) Jarrett Johnson, OLB, Ravens – The man who originally was Adalius Thomas’ replacement, has all but made people forget about his predecessor. He plays the run better than any previous Ravens OLB.

141.) Nick Collins, S, Packers – Has become a true ball-hawk, and although doesn’t have the coverage skills of an Ed Reed or Troy Polamalu, has a nose for the football and really thrives when the pass rush is working.

140.) Tamba Hali, DE, Chiefs – If only Glenn Dorsey could do anything, Hali would get even better. The numbers he has put up considering the Chiefs have been impotent in the pass rush otherwise, is amazing.

139.) Tyson Clabo, T, Falcons – He doesn’t protect Matt Ryan’s blindside, but is probably Ryan’s most trusted protector. There is also a reason the Falcons run over RT more than any other team in the NFL.

138.) London Fletcher, MLB, Redskins – He finally made the pro-bowl, ending one of the most amazing streaks in football. He was totally deserving as well. Age is a concern, as decline is almost assuredly opun him.

137.) DeSean Jackson, WR, Eagles – He is arguably the top big-play wide receiver, but still has a tendency to disappear unless he can get a deep ball, and makes too many mental-mistakes in his routes.

136.) Vontae Davis, CB, Dolphins – He is slightly better than his sophomore counterpart Seth Smith, and Davis has the upside to become the next Champ Bailey type CB, one with great cover and ball skills.

135.) Ray Edwards, DE, Vikings – He is often overshadowed by his having three other pro-bowlers playing on the same defensive line, but if that divisional playoff against Dallas is any indication, he is ready to make a name for himself.

134.) Mike Patterson, DT, Eagles – He has seen players rotate again and again beside him, but continues to be a dominant interior presence, much like his predecessor Corey Simon. Doesn’t have the same pass-rushing ability, though.

133.) Kenny Phillips, S, Giants – After Troy Polamalu, there was no bigger defensive injury in 2009. His return allows the Giants to focus less on deep coverage, as he will be back there shadowing it all.

132.) Vernon Davis, TE, 49ers – After years of nothing but hype, Vernon exploded, becoming Alex Smith’s primary red-zone target. With Smith the definite starter, I see no reason why that should change. He is still just 26 years old.

131.) Cedric Benson, RB, Bengals – Has been one of the most consistent runners in the NFL over the past two years. His bulldog style works well with his o-line, and he consistently puts up 2-6 yards. Rarely gets huge plays, but rarely gets stuffed behind the line, which is equally important.

130.) Marques Colston, WR, Saints – Drew Brees’ top man may not have matched his insane numbers from 2006-2007, but he came back from an injury plagued 2008 to post another 1,000 yard season. As he is finally totally healthy, look for Brees to call his number even more.

129.) Matt Ryan, QB, Falcons – When you consider he was the first QB ever to post back-to-back winning seasons with the Falcons, even with playing a tough schedule and fighting a big-toe injury, and injuries to his #2 target, Matt Ryan is somehow underrated.

128.) Eric Weddle, S, Chargers – The Chargers drafted a lot of players from 2004-2007 that all seemingly made them the most talented team in the league. The defensive players selected have all been underwhelming, except for Weddle, who continues to be a mini-Polamalu.

127.) Tony Gonzalez, TE, Falcons – His age makes it hard to see him ever reaching the numbers he used to put up, but Gonzalez serves as a reliable safe option for Matt Ryan, and that is all a young QB can ask for.

126.) Barrett Ruud, MLB, Buccaneers – Derrick Brooks replacement hasn’t exactly replaced him fully (obviously), but his play continues to be high-level despite the turnover around him.

125.) Tony Brown, DT, Titans – Haynesworth’s direct replacement might not do what he did, but he is solid against the run, and can command blockers allowing the guys around him to rush the passer. Had huge shoes to fill, and has at least filled the soles.

124.) Miles Austin, WR, Cowboys – Like Sidney Rice above him, needs to do it for more than a year, but at least he was able to consistently put up numbers against good corners without many other targets for Romo to throw at.

123.) Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Steelers – In what is effectively going to be his second season, he has full faith in his team, who are, nicely for Rashard, going back to their running-game roots. The onus falls on him in the Ben-less first 4-6 games.

122.) Joshua Cribbs, RB, Browns – Obviously, his true worth is as a kick and punt returner. Thankfully, the Browns management is smarter than the Bears’, as they haven’t done to him what they did to Hester.

121.) Champ Bailey, CB, Broncos – He still has the ability of a top-10 corner, but is no longer top-5. The top-flight speed is no longer there at his age, but he is smarter than any other corner in the league.

120.) Gary Brackett, MLB, Colts – Always underrated, his presence for the Colts cannot be understated. He is the only LB in the Manning-era to warrant keeping, which says a lot about his ability and importance to the Colts defense.

119.) Eric Winston, T, Texans – There is a reason Matt Schaub finally stayed healthy, and it partly due to this man taking his level up a play up a couple of levels in 2009. He is young so he can continue to keep improving.

118.) Mike Jenkins, CB, Cowboys – Was underwhelming in 2008, but turned it around, taking the opponents’ top WR and for the most part, shutting them down. Still tries to pick off too many passes.

117.) Anquan Boldin, WR, Ravens – He will always have the injury concerns with the way he plays, and he was no longer necessary in Arizona, but he is the perfect safety valve for Joe Flacco.

116.) Jonathan Babineaux, DT, Falcons – He was a menace in 2009, pushing the pocket, and for the most part picking up the slack for the DE’s around him who all curiously fell off. He will be key for stopping the blockers advancing to Curtis Lofton behind him.

115.) Jonathan Stewart, RB, Panthers – His finish to the season was very impressive, moreso considering that DeAngelo Williams was out. Uses his blockers well, but doesn’t have the same explosiveness Williams does.

114.) Cullen Jenkins, DT, GB – Gets to slide outside, where he excelled before the switch to the 3-4. It remains to be seen if he can make that transition, but considering the rest of his teammates switched to the 3-4 quite well, and his talent in the 4-3, it is easy to think he will.

113.) Albert Haynesworth, DT, Redskins – For the money he was paid, and the commotion around him, his 2009 season was a disappointment, but he still put up good performance when healthy. He is much more hard-working that given credit for. Durability, as well as general happiness, is a concern.

112.) Quentin Mikell, S, Eagles – The eagles go through secondary’s like chain-smokers through Marlboro’s but Mikell has shown lasting power. His ability to help in run support makes the Jim Johnson defense work.

111.) Brandon Marshall, WR, Dolphins – He shouldn’t be higher, because he is not a vertical threat, and that is what Miami really needed, but his ability to be a great possession receiver is not understated. He will be Chad Henne’s best friend.

110.) Asante Samuel, CB, Eagles – As he grows older, he doesn’t become any more conservative. He still goes for way too many picks, which result in too many big plays given up, but considering only Ed Reed has had more INTs since 2003, I can’t blame him.

109.) Bobbie Williams, G, Bengals – The last remains of the 2005-2006 Bengals o-line that made Rudi into a 1,400 yard runner, Bobbie is doing the same for Cedric Benson. He also adds much needed pass-protection stability in a line that doesn’t always get it.

108.) Justin Smith, DE, 49ers – Since his move to SF, he has only gotten better. He works well with the players around him, and although his age is becoming a concern, when healthy he has a Allen-like motor.

107.) Shaun O’Hara, C, Giants – He has teamed with Chris Snee to give the Giants a consistent, healthy, dependable combination. He had a slight dropoff in play in 2009, but that only makes him very good, instead of excellent.

106.) Kris Jenkins, DT, Jets – The Jets did fine without him in 2009 after his injury, but there is no way he can nothing but help them. Durability is a major concern, but when healthy, he’s unblockable.

105.) Curtis Lofton, MLB, Falcons – The best player on a good young defense, Lofton is following Willis, Tatupy and Ryans into a collection of extremely talented 3-down middle line backers.

104.) Clay Matthews, OLB, Packers – If Cushing was known as a steroid user back in the original vote, then he’s probably the rookie of the year. He was a pass-rushing terror, although we must hope that he is a DeMarcus Ware in consistency, and not a Shawne Merriman.

103.) Jay Cutler, QB, Bears – I cannot justify putting him higher, even though I believe that his match with Mke Martz is perfect. In reality, he is nowhere near as bad as his performance in 2009, and with the continued development of Johnny Knox and Devin Aromashadu, his ascendance can come quickly.

102.) Stewart Bradley, MLB, Eagles – He was sorely missed in 2009 with an ACL tear, but he has 12 months to rehab, and has youth on his side. He is critical for the Eagles. A true tackle machine, the Eagles need his consistency in there to do what they do around him.

101.) Santonio Holmes, WR, Jets – It will be interesting to see what he does without a top-5 QB around him like he had in Ben. His ability to freelance with Ben was great, but it won’t be that easy with Sanchize.

Players 100-1 coming soon!

LeBron: Dick to the Max

I thought it all along, but I never knew just how correct I was: LeBron James is a massive, uninhibited, arrogant, childish dick of a man. He’s a coward, he’s not a warrior, he’s not a champion. He’s not a fighter. He’s a dick, plain and simple.

This has nothing to do with the evil superteam that has now been created in Miami. Sure, they will be the most hated team in sports since the 2007 Patriots, and probably a relatively bigger villain since a basketball team will never be as hated as a football one. Miami is now enemy #1 in American sports. I don’t even totally think they are assured to win titles. Basketball still is a team sport, basketball teams still need player 4-12, and the Heat don’t have those. The Heat also have two players that have really done nothing in the playoffs. LeBron and Wade are way too similar, way too commanding of the ball, and frankly, LeBron has way too much of an ego to be subversive. Either way, LeBron can go out and fall and break his leg tomorrow and I won’t care at all.

LeBron James is a dick, because he is a coward, a fool, and a narcissistic schmuck. He is a coward because picking Miami is basically LeBron saying to the world, “I cannot win a title unless I have one of the three best players in the league on my team.” Even if this was true, LeBron admitting it is ridiculous. Michael Jordan, a guy who is so far above anything LeBron can or will do, would never have willingly gone and signed with Isiah Thomas’ Pistons, or Clyde Drexler’s Blazers when he couldn’t win titles. No, he would have bottled up the energy of playoff defeats and gone out and beat those guys on the head with a bat (he did just that). Kobe Bryant would never go play with D-Wade. LeBron is basically giving up the fight to build a champion together, taking the easy way out. He will never be known as the Greatest player now, because he will never win a champion without Wade on his side. Even if the Heat go out and win 4 titles, Wade will still have one more ring, and one he won without LeBron and with as much (or little depending on how you look at it) talent as LeBron has had in Cleveland these past two years.

LeBron is a fool because he thinks that people love this shit he pulled. He has no idea because all the King does is surround himself with yes-men who fellate him regularly. He thinks everyone loves him, and maybe that was true to a point previously (people like me and others saw through his lovable front he tried to push past us all), but no more. He is also a hated player now. He has gone past Kobe, or A-Rod or Belichick, he is now the biggest sports villain in America. LeBron is a fool if he thinks this will grow his brand. His brand would have been the same had he gone anywhere. The only thing this can grow is Dwayne Wade’s brand.

LeBron is a narcissistic schmuck because of that very same brand. Someone needs to go to LeBron and piss on his face until he understands that he is an ATHLETE. He is not a businessman. Because if he was, he would understand how painfully bad this whole sharade came off, and he would have cancelled his trainwreck of a show. He is not a mogul, he is not an entertainer (he is painfully unfunny when he tries to be funny, and his antics seem so much more forced now), he is a fucking athlete. I hope to God he never becomes a billionaire, because honestly, if you are an athlete and you make a billion dollars, then earn that money by playing your fucking sport. Not by conning the world into believing you are a caring, happy-go-lucky guy. He is more of a narcissistic fuck by having this whole show. Sure, Dwayne Wade had people come and court him, but when he finally settled on staying, there was no show, there was no big fanfare, there was no one-hour special.

LeBron decided to make a huge spectacle of this, decided to make the whole world stop and glue their eyes to the TV and watch this attention-whore make a decision. When Michael came back, he said just that: “I’m Back.” No big show, no interview with Jim Gray, no cahoots with ESPN, and no faux show for his sponsors. When Tim Duncan (a player that is still above LeBron on the career totem pole, and took times half as talented as the 2009 and 2010 Cavs to championships) decided to stay in San Antonio, there was nothing but a phone call to Gregg Popovich saying “I’m ready to go back to work.” LeBron doesn’t want to work, he wants the world to give him babies to kiss and money to launder and ads to promote. LeBron wants the glory, he doesn’t want to work.

LeBron James has now ruined his legacy forever. People will never view him the same way. We all thought he was an arrogant prick when he scheduled this primetime show, and that was even before he decided to cop-out and go to Miami. LeBron James is such a dick, he’s made Dwayne Wade into a bad person, while he deserves so much more. LeBron James is such a fraud. People want to say that he went to Miami because he really wants to win. Sure, he wants to win, but not because he wants to be called a champion, but because he wants to win one because it will increase that brand value of his. LeBron is just a marketing puppet now. It is hard to take someone like him seriously. I hated the throw chalk into the air and dance around like a jackass during meaningless regular season LeBron. I hated the give up in the second round of the playoffs and walk off the field looking completely content and go out and blame your teammates when great players have won with talent just as bad LeBron. But that hate is nothing like it is to give up on trying to win by myself and think only of myself and my insecurities, and decide to take a deuce on the world by going to Miami LeBron. That’s the worst LeBron of all.

To finalize, LeBron is a dick. LeBron is a coward for running away from the challenge of winning himself. LeBron is a fool because he thinks the true reception he will get from the world is unending adoration instead of the reviled contempt that the world now has for him. LeBron is a narcissistic fuck for making this whole thing about him, and by thinking that he is bigger than basketball, something that if it did not exist LeBron would probably be working at Macy’s. LeBron should go take a good look at what he’s done to himself, because God knows we have, and what we see now is the most reviled dick of an athlete in recent memory.

Story of the Year: 2007

The Patriots Act

A perfect storm is an often used cliché. It is used for, sparingly, actual storms, but mostly for any disaster that was most likely not a perfect storm, but it seems either more interesting or more defensible if it was some ‘perfect storm’ brewed from nature like a potion. The use of the phrase is now so common that never does anyone even question its use. True perfect storms are rare, powerful and destructive. Perfect storms come around once or twice a decade in reality, like the Indian Ocean Tsunami/Earthquake. That was a perfect storm. The Credit Market collapse that ruined the economy worldwide, that was not a perfect storm. Hurricane Katrina, that was a perfect storm. The recent BP oil spill, that was not. The 2007 New England Patriots taping video signals and that blowing up in their face, causing scorn and hatred which was retaliated by the most vengeful team in sports history, which finally ended poetically with a great upset, all of those things which never would have happened if the perpetrator’s right hand man with inside knowledge decided not to turn him in after a hissy fit after an embarrassing loss, that was a perfect storm.

There was no team more interesting, more polarizing, more ashamed, more vengeful, more hailed, more hated and more popular than the 2007 New England Patriots, and all of it had to do with silly video signals. There was a tyrannical team that was caught as a team form of a criminal. The team was led by a dictator of a man, shrouded in mystery. Instead of accepting their punishment, they terrorized the rest of their peers week after week, somehow turning it around and placing the blame on everyone else. They showed no remorse, beating the strong until they were down, killing the weak while they were. Not until a team from the Gotham of New York City came to fight them with the Batman of Eli Manning, and his (helmeted)sidekick Robin named David Tyree, was the tyrant stopped, but until then no one complained, just watched in amazement. The Patriots were that tyrant, but more than that, they were THE tyrant. At a time when villains and heroes are doing battle in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Patriots become enemy #1 as well as exhibit #1 of greatness in team sports. All the talking heads had something to say, from those on sports radio to those on Capitol Hill. Everyone wondered, “How much did they cheat?”, “Were they punished enough?”, “Why are the Patriots acting like the victim?”, and most importantly, “Can Anyone beat that F**king team?!?!”

It started in Week 1 of the 2007 season, near the end of the Patriots rather routine 38-14 win over the New York Jets. The Jets were not a very good team, so that score was not that ridiculous (at least compared to what was to come). Eric Mangini claimed that the Patriots were illegally taping the defensive signals of the Jets, which was clearly against the rules. Mangini was correct, and he knew this since he knew the Patriots were taping signals throughout his time in New England as well. The Patriots were not forced to forfeit that game (what would have been a fair punishment), and for a day it did not seem like that big of a story. Most people thought that like in baseball, sign stealing was not that big of a deal, was not going to be punished that severely, and that the season would go on like normal. However, by the next Tuesday, it became obvious how wrong this was, and that the 2007 Season would not be like any other in recent memory.

On Tuesday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell levied his penalty. Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, a hoodied, mysterious genius of a coach, was to be fined 500,000 dollars, the most ever levied to any one coach (or even player), and the team would be docked their first round pick in the 2008 draft. Some said this was too much, some said that this was not enough, some stupidly called for the Patriots’ three Super Bowl Titles in 2001, 2003 and 2004 to be stripped. Of course, Roger Goodell smartly did not listen to this polarized outcry, but he, stupidly, burned the video tapes that the league confiscated from the Patriots, burning the lasting evidence to the severity of the crime, and burning away the remains of the tape-stealing story. Roger Goodell would have loved for his burning of the tapes to end all discussion of Spygate, as the incident was unoriginally coined, but he was wrong. It was just starting, and the Patriots would be taking center stage.

LaDainian Tomlinson, the future Hall of Fame running back, was not a fan of Bill Belichick and the Patriots’ work. In fact, he hated their work and he hated them especially after they celebrated on the Chargers field after winning a playoff game the previous January. He was delighted by the public shame that the Patriots action had garnered them, and he used this opportunity to join various other NFL Players and coaches, both current and past, to voice his displeasure with the Patriots and their Spygate-ing ways. “The Patriots follow the motto, ‘if you’re not cheatin’, you’re not tryin’” he said in an interview. The Chargers and Patriots were scheduled to play that Sunday night in Foxboro, MA, in a early-season litmus test for both, which is why these words were so meaningful. For years the Patriots were known as a team who used this “bulletin board material” to inspire their performances, but this was usually used to inspire their defense. This taunt from Tomlinson was pointed at the team. Everyone’s taunts and jabs were pointed at the team. It was unofficial ‘Bash on the Pats’ week in the NFL, and everyone was happy to oblige. The Patriots, although 100% guilty of what they were accused of doing, had enough of this most public celebration by the rest of the league on their demise. They fueled the numerous taunts, and questions and insults into something special, so special it would captivate the nation and turn the fall and winter’s most watched TV program into “New England Patriots Games.”

The Patriots, mad at what Tomlinson and everyone else (like Coach Jeff Fisher, Terry Bradshaw, Tom Jackson, Merrill Hodge and more) said, drummed the Chargers 38-14 (up 24-7 at the half). They destroyed the team that many saw as the best in the AFC, and did it on National Television. At the end of the game, each Patriots player took time to hug their coach and leader, the man who was $500,000 lighter in the jeans pocket than he was just seven days earlier. Most people around the nation thought they saw an inspired performance by a great team. What they didn’t realize was that the fun, at least for the Patriots, was just beginning, and that the Chargers weren’t the focus, everyone was.


The Patriots, fueled by the taunts of the teams around the league, score 38, 34, 34, 48, 49 and 52 points in the next six games. It was the most amazing sight in football history. They were simply ruthless. Tom Brady, a QB that was hailed as the next Joe Montana, was finally putting up the stats that everyone wondered if he could ever put up. He had a perfect receiving corp, with Randy Moss, who was fired up to show the league that his stint in Oakland was a mirage and the real Moss was still there, Wes Welker, who was fired up to show the league that he was not a type-cast “white” receiver, and that he could be great, Donte’ Stallworth, who was fired up to show the league that he was not to blame for his being on three different teams in three years, and great offensive line, who was fired up to show the league just what pass-protection looks like. Of course, everyone was fired up to show the league that stealing signals had nothing to do with their 3 Super Bowl Titles. It was proof by execution. “Surely the signals that we taped meant nothing if we are setting offensive records here!” they were saying to the league. Of course, this polarized the nation on the Patriots even more. There were the people who love greatness, love perfection, and they were ebullient to see offense being played at a level it never was before. Then, there were all the people who lauded sportsmanship, and saw the Patriots Revenge Act as bad natured when they humiliated teams. Of course, this lead to controversy number two, running-up the score.

There has always been a code among sportsmen, a code that is rarely broken. It says that when one team is comfortably ahead, assured of victory, that that team would stop running all ten cylinders and dial everything down, basically go through the motions until the clocks showed zero. The Patriots, however, knew of no such gentleman’s agreement (or as Tomlinson, I’m sure, would agree, they knew of the agreement, but the Patriots weren’t gentleman). They threw when up 42-21 in the fourth quarter. Lord knows, they threw on 4th down up 45-7 against Washington. They threw and threw and threw. They always had to get one last touchdown in, one last “eff-you” TD, as Bill Simmons called it, just to show that team that first, the torture was not over yet, and that the Pats are just that dominant. The fact that they did this to Joe Gibbs, one of the few men who could claim to be Bill Belichick’s equal as a head coach, made it worse. The Patriots were, seemingly, intentionally running up the score on teams that had no chance to stop them anyway. It was horrible, unjust and ugly, and of course, great, great television.

The Patriots were suddenly America’s villain, and of course, everyone had to check out the villain. Even people that had no idea what sports were, and who Bill Belichick was, and certainly not if stealing signals had any real effect on the game, had to check in. Everyone has to be witness to the perfect storm. The Patriots, for one season at least, became America’s team. Patriots’ games were the 5-highest rated TV events of that TV season. The Patriots-Chargers, Patriots-Cowboys, Patriots-Colts, Patriots-Chargers Championship Game, and Super Bowl XLII (Patriots-Giants) all garnered more viewers than any other single TV program that TV season. American Idol was no longer the best reality show. That was the Patriots. Would they run it up? Would they hit 70? Would Tom Brady throw 6 tds? Would Belichick shake the opposing coach’s hand? These were the new question’s in TV. And of course, that same old one: “Can anyone beat that F**king team?!?!”

The chase for perfection was what made the 2007 Patriots the perfect storm. Not only did they break the rules in a manner that was probably more egregious than any football team in the NFL’s history, not only did they run up the score in a smug fashion and play with a hauntingly funny outward arrogance, and not only were they on pace to shatter nearly every record in the books on offense, but they were yet to lose a game. Never has the “Is this team going to go undefeated” asked any earlier than it was with the Pats. Because they were winning games by 24, 24, 31, 17, 21, 21, 21, 45 points for the first eight games, there seemed to not even be a team that could play with them, let alone beat them. The madness reached its height when before their Week 9 matchup against the Colts, the Patriots were favored by 6 points. The Patriots were playing in Indianapolis, against the defending champion Colts who were 8-0 and won their last two games by the combined score of 60-14, and the Patriots were nearly touchdown favorites, and no one could argue. The Patriots managed a tight win, coming back from 20-10 down in the 4th quarter. Sure, the Patriots won the game, but at least the Colts showed that the Pats were beatable, and maybe the revenge that they were levying against the rest of the league had an expiry date.

The Pats offense slowed, but the wins did not. It culminated in a Week 13 game agat the Baltimore Ravens. The Ravens, 4-7 at the time, were not supposed to be any match, but their defense, the heart and soul of their team, was finally healthy, and playing for their fallen College comrade Sean Taylor. On a windy Monday Night, Baltimore played inspired. Tom Brady barely completed half his passes, and with 2 minutes to go, the Patriots, who had sputtered all night, were down by 4. However, like they did every single one of the first 18 games they played, the Patriots made every play late. It was not the “eff-you” TD but the “Thank-God!!” TD. The Patriots, just like they did in a 31-28 win over the Eagles the week before, escaped with a win. Sure, the Patriots that dropped 48, 49, 52 and 56 points in four games in six weeks were gone, but the ones that win were not, and entering the playoffs at 16-0, the season that started, and in all reality kickstarted, by Spygate, by fines and lost draft picks, by scorn and rage, by taunts and insults, was three weeks away from ending in the most unlikely way, with a 19-0 record.


The Patriots efficiently, if not listlessly, rolled through two playoff games, setting up a rematch against the Giants, the team that barely lost to the Patriots 38-35 four weeks earlier. They were not supposed to be any match for the Patriots and their record setting offense. In between the day Spygate started, and their cap to a 16-0 season, the Patriots scored 589 points, beating the old record by 33. Tom Brady threw 50 tds (to just 8 ints), to barely beat Peyton Manning’s 49 he threw three seasons earlier. Randy Moss caught 23 td passes, again barely beating Jerry Rice’s 1987 record of 22 (it should be noted Jerry did his 22 in only 13 games, as it should be noted Brady threw 81 more passes than Manning did in 2004, because the Colts did not run up scores). The Patriots set records everywhere, but the one they really wanted, and would really shut up all the idiots who claimed that the league should strip their earlier titles, was the Super Bowl, and that record for most wins in a season with 19. All of those earlier records could be broken one day. The 19-0 never will. They will live on forever, just like the 1972 Dolphins did and continue to do. The Patriots knew this, and knew that this was the perfect way to end the storm that started five months earlier in Giants Stadium (irony there) where they were caught filming signals.

Of course, the Sports God’s had different ideas. In what was mistakenly called a perfect storm of a game by the Giants, the Patriots fell, somehow. For a team that had once scored 42 points before halftime, they were awful, outdone by a defensive line that simply played better. The Giants simply played better. Sure, luck was involved. If Asante Samuel caught that interception, the Pats would have won. Sure, if Eli Manning didn’t escape the sack or if David Tyree didn’t spontaneously use his helmet as a bar to catch a pass, the Patriots most likely would have one (if Tyree dropped it, it would have been 4th and 5 with 1 minute to go, not exactly over). However, the Patriots know better than anyone that “if” is a dangerous proposition. The best NFL franchise of the decade had made a fortune of banking on “If”s that didn’t turn out. “If Drew Bledsoe never sheared that blood vessel”, “If Walt Coleman didn’t inexplicably overturn Brady’s fumble”, “If the Rams learned to hold onto the ball”, “If Drew Bennett didn’t drop that fourth down pass”, “If the Panthers never went for two”, and “If the Eagles knew how to run a hurry-up offense.” If any of these “if”s didn’t happen, the Patriots dynasty doesn’t happen. “If”s are a part of life, and the biggest “if” for the 2007 Patriots was a different one, “What if Eric Mangini decided to keep his damn mouth shut.”

Eric Mangini’s double-crossing expose of the Patriots signal-stealing was the first step to creating a monster. The Patriots were so motivated by the taunts and insults launched at them after Spygate was exposed that they took it out and layed waste to the rest of the league for 18 weeks. Sure, the Patriots were a mightily talented team, with great weapons on offense and a savvy, good defense, but as we know from what happened when the momentum from the revenge for Spygate wore off sometime around the Colts and Eagles games in Weeks 9 and 12, the Patriots weren’t insanely better than the rest of the league. The Patriots played close games in the 4th quarter in Wins #9, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18 and in Loss #1. But it was Wins #1-8 and 10 that made the Patriots of 2007 the most analyzed and watch team of the decade, and what made Spygate and the Patriots subsequent chase of perfection one of the stories of the decade. When the Patriots were at their ruthless best, nothing else in sports really mattered. That years Red Sox World Series Title was totally overshadowed. The death of Sean Taylor was overshadowed. Everything happening in the world was overshadowed. The Patriots were the sports story, the news story and the gossip story. The Patriots were the story.

There never will be another perfect storm in sports like the 2007 New England Patriots again. First, there never will be another Spygate. For the first two weeks of its aftermath, it had giant-sized legs. People were bringing up all different types of alleged shady business that went on in Foxboro. People clamored for the Patriots titles to be stripped. Senators asked for congress to review the NFL saying that by destroying the videotapes the NFL was covering evidence that might show the league was unfair. Even the Matt Walsh fake story of the Patriots allegedly taping the Rams walkthrough had legs (I’ll have to admit, if that story was true, I believe stripping the Patriots of the 2001 Title might be reasonable). Then, there will never be another team that can use Spygate as the gasoline to spark that size of a sports’ inferno. The Patriots already had revenge and redemption on their mind after blowing a 21-3 lead in the 2006 AFC Championship Game. The failings in that game led to the Patriots bringing in Stallworth, Welker and Moss, which even without the extra-motivation from Spygate would have made for a dangerous offense, but when the energy from Spygate was added, it turned into arguably the greatest offense of all time (I’ll still take the Greatest Show on Turf, version 2000). Finally, add in a chase for perfection and you have the perfect football storm. That led to hundreds of hours spent on that old question, “Can Anyone Beat this F**king Team?!?!”

Semifinals Breakdown and Predictions

So far, I have been locked in in both Football and futbol playoffs. 6 for 6 in the divisional round and championship games back in January, and so far 4 for 4 in the World Cup. Anyway, before we get to the games, here are a couple World Cup thoughts.

= We still have not seen a great game. Uruguay - Ghana was the closest thing, however the wild ending and the fact that it was 'Uruguay' and 'Ghana' will cloud it 20 years from now. The football in that game was open, attacking and entertaining, but the fact that it is, again, 'Uruguay' and 'Ghana' will probably make the games lost as time goes on. Germany - Argentina was probably the most entertaining from a schadenfreude perspective, as it was fun to see Maradona's cocky team get plasted, but again, not a great game. There is a chance with the Germany-Spain game and then the Final, assuming Holland gets through, so there is still time.

= I guess South America isn't the dominating football force ESPN thought it was. After losing just one game in the group stage, and actually putting more teams through to the quarterfinals than Europe (4 - an all time high for South America - to 3 - an all time low for Europe), the three remaining European teams all knocked out their South American foes, and the only remaining one needed a guy to miss a penalty kick to be here. In football, it is still the Europeans world.

= So much for Leo Messi. He had a nice tournament, but nice isn't good enough when you are supposed to be the best player in the World. He didn't have to go at it singlehandidly, with splendid attacking talent throughout the roster, and still didn't make a dent. The all-time stars are made in the World Cup. Pele, Maradona, Cruyff, Beckenbauer, Zidane, the five in the pantheon, all scored goals, all played in World Cup finals, and with the exception of Cruyff who looking back lost to a loaded West Germany team, all won a World Cup. Messi is still young, but realistically, he has one World Cup left to show us something. He's not the type of player who will age well, and he will be 31 in 2018, so it is 2014 or bust. He wasn't as bad as Kaka, or Rooney or Ronaldo (who was the only one of the 'big 4' who managed to score a goal), but still, he was not the best player on his team, let alone in the World. He better hope that Holland doesn't win the World Cup, because Wesley Sniejder is closing in on that FIFA Player of the Year award (it almost always is swayed largely by World Cup performance in World Cup years).

= Coaching does matter, I guess. The two most polarizing coaches were Dunga and Maradona. The were questioned coming in, and then proceeded to sweep to the quarterfinals without much adversity. That led to both of them jawing out the media, the Germans and really the fans (in Dunga's case). Of course, as Europe and Bastian Schweinsteger showed, you better back up your talk. After the dust settles, both Dunga and Maradona inherited teams that lost in the Quarterfinals to European teams, and both ended their run in the quarterfinals against European teams. Net gain: Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

Anyway, let's get to the games.

Netherlands vs Uruguay

Holland is back in the semifinals for the first time since 1998. Considering Uruguay has actually, you know, won this competition before, it is staggering it has been 40 years since they have made the last 4. This looked to be a one-sided matchup before Luis Suarez' red card. After, it is all pointing towards the Dutch. Suarez was the key player. He was the guy that really allowed Uruguay to keep most of their players back to stifle their opponent, as he, Carvani and Forlan proved strong enough to go at the opposition alone. His absence, deserved because of his blatant hand-ball, will really cripple the Uruguayans chances.

As for those Dutch, they, as well as Spain, are poster-childs for the theory of "Win and Advance". Both Spain and Netherlands entered this tournament promoting free, attacking soccer. They both have failed to deliver on that respect, but have both delivered their fans a different kind of joy: backing a winner. Sneijder's first goal was a wiff by the usually brilliant Julio Cesar. Spain's goal was aided by three posts. Whatever, doesn't matter, they are both still playing. The Dutch will also miss some key players, as both Nigel De Jong and Gregory Van der Weil will miss the semis due to 2 accumulated yellow cards. That is a shame, but luckily for them, as they are a holding midfielder and a defender, respectively, Uruguay's best striker decided to go and get him suspended for the game as well.

The key matchup here is how Uruguay's defense contains the Robben and Sneijder pair. Those two have been really the only Dutchmen on the field, as they have played the usual Dutch football to a tee. Uruguay has been able to contain some very good players so far, but this will be their sternest test. Wesley Sneijder might just be the best player on the planet right now (David Villa is close), however there is one guy who can answer to Sneijder, and really to Holland in general: Diego Forlan.

That man, to me, has had the best World Cup of any player, and has the singular ability to score from anywhere on the field. He will really miss Suarez up top to drag away defenders, but he has the shot to make any amount of defenders potentially negligible, and as Holland proved on Robinho's goal, their defense is not all that organized. I would think that Forlan, in what is the biggest game for his country in about 60 years, will come to play.

In the end, Holland is just too good, and on too good of a karmic form, to drop this game. Really, they should be playing Ghana, who probably would win the karma battle, but Uruguay will be so hated by the crowd in the semifinal (because of what was perceived as a dirty play by Suarez that led to Africa's demise - it wasn't, since if Asamoah Gyan just hit his penalty, it wouldn't have mattered), that Holland will almost be like an adopted African nation. Plus, they are due. They really are. After another dramatic flameout in Euro 2008, all the dutch were probably thinking, "Here we go again" when Holland fell behind in the ninth minute, but that wasn't a usual soft team. That Holland against Brazil resembled their hated rivals, Germany, in their mental resolve. Plus, since 1990, either Brazil, or the team that beat Brazil has made the final.
Netherlands 3 Uruguay 1

Spain vs Germany

This has a chance to rival Germany's thrilling semifinal loss to Italy (yes, those two teams can combine to play some fucking dramatic games - including the 1970 semifinal which entered extra time at 1-1, and left it at 4-3). These two teams were the best in Europe in 2008, when Spain beat Germany 1-0 in the Euro 2008 Final, and they are probably the best still today. Germany has a shot at revenge, and Spain has a shot to beat Europe's biggest acheiver to shed the label as Europe's biggest underacheiver. Again, the key here is Spain.

I still believe, regardless how this game goes or even if Spain wins the World Cup, that Vicente Del Bosque screwed up. He should not have sat David Villa in favor of Sergio Busquets. The reason he did so was to put another holding midfielder to shore up the Spanish defense, but that is pure garbage Spain's offense and possesion control is its defense. In Euro 2008, Spain played one holding midfielder, Marcos Senna, and played David Silva, Andres Iniesta and Xavi Hernandez in front. With Silva acting as a deadly winger, they were able to play David Villa up top and play a true two-striker formation, which was deadly. Spain still technically plays a 4-4-2, but it is really a 4-5-1 (or more accurately a 4-4-1-1), with David Villa playing a wing. Him playing a wing has really cut off the distribution to Fernando Torres. Torres isn't fit from end of season knee surgery, but the real problem is Spain just cannot get him the ball because he is on an island, and Villa who drops down is a far easier option. Villa needs Torres up top, but Torres doesn't need Villa there. Truthfully, Spain was at its best in the Final when Villa was hurt. They are at their best playing a true 4-5-1, with either Villa or Torres up top (though Torres is more used to being a lone striker), but either way, Vicente Del Bosque cannot sit Torres for this game.

Torres has to play, he's a big game player. He only scored one goal in the Euro 2008, and that was the only goal in the Final against Germany, where he outran and outmuscled the German dfense singlehandidly to a ball and curled it around Jens Lehmann. He has a great record at Liverpool of scoring against the other big three. He has the pysicality to play against the physical German defense. Del Bosque cannot give into the pressure of sitting him, especially if he is just replacing him with Llorente (it is more understandable if he's putting in Fabregas instead). He comes up big for Liverpool, and he came up huge for Spain in 2008. He should start.

As for their Germans, their ability to counter Spanish talent with their own talent will finally allow the Spanish game to open up. The Germans won't play nine behind the ball, eight in the box defense like Paraguay, or Switzerland or Honduras before them against Spain, because they don't have to. Plus, the German defense is more about ball pressure. The Germans will probably not be able to counter-attack as well as they did against Argentina, because of Spain's ability to play offense without overcommitting men forward. However, the Germans are the Germans, and both Klose and Podolski, like they always do, have been outstanding. Also, in Bastian Schweinsteger, Spain finally meets a player with the ability to take over a game without scoring, much like their own duo of Iniesta and Xavi. Schweinsteger is not Cristiano Ronaldo or Messi. No. He is Germany's Wesley Sneijder, or more accurately, the Germans' version of Andrea Pirlo for the Italian team in 2006. He has the ability to push forward, and keep Xabi Alonso, and most likely, Busquets back. This really is a fascinating mixture of two great teams. This has the chance to be a classic, a real classic, and I think it will be.

Spain 2* Germany 1 (* - in extra time)

Group Stage: First Round, Ramblings and Rankings

Rambling thoughts from the first round of games:

= Spain still looked like a top-5 team even in loss. In this new offensive world in football, teams will lose those games. Every now and then, the boys don’t finish what they usually would, and the pipes are unusually mean. That is all. It happened a year ago in the Confederations Cup last year, it happened again. Sure, there was probably some complacency also, but Spain is still ultra-talented and ultra-set going forward.

= This does set up one interesting thing: The top four teams are as of now, in my mind, Brazil, Spain, Netherlands and Germany. In a perfect world, those four could play each other in the semifinals. As it was, Netherlands and Brazil, assuming they both win their group, were set to play in the quarterfinals, but with Spain a likely group runner up, Spain is thrown into that same quarter. Yes, Spain would probably play Brazil in the round of 16, and then the winner would likely get the Netherlands in the quarterfinals. Talk about the real group of death (this is a lot like in 2006 when France, Spain and Brazil were in the same quarter, except in 2006 there were a lot more great teams out there).

= Big winner through one group game: Germany. The Germans already make it to the quarterfinals regardless of whatever happens, because you know, they’ve done it consecutively pre-Hitler and post. But the soccer Gods could not have been nicer. Unless Spain wins its group, here are the likely teams on Germany’s half: Argentina (Group B winner – this was written before I knew of Gonzalo Higuain’s hat-trick), one of the France, Mexico, Uruguay trio, one of the England, Slovenia, US trio, Japan, either Italy/Paraguay, Ivory Coast/Portugal and Switzerland. Yes, that’s right. The bottom half would likely contain Japan, Italy/Paraguay, Ivory Coast/Portugal and Switzerland. Germany is getting it much, much easier.

= Of course this all depends on those silly Swiss. They need to hold onto the group to create what would be the most lopsided knockout round in World Cup History (I’m guessing). Switzerland was actually the country that did this as well in 2006, when they won France’s group, sending France into the Spain/Brazil quarter. The Swiss have now not given up a goal in four straight World Cup Games, as they were knocked out of a goalless PK loss in 2006. Italy might be a more famously defensive team, but as Italy seemed to attack and attack some more in their opening game, the Swiss looked like the doorbolt the Azzurri usually are.

= There was a weird dichotomy in Switzerland beating Spain. After winning the French Open, Nadal was asked if he would make a wager with Federer for the game, and Nadal responded something to the effect of, “Why? Federer’s never made a bad move in his life, except for his choice of bride. Why would he take that offer?”. Who could blame Rafa for being cocky, but Federer’s influence evidently goes much further than we tought.

= I guess sooner or later I would have to address the two Elephants in the room.

= L’Affaire Vuvuzela: I actually don’t mind them anymore, which is why I hate that ESPN is supposedly muffling their sound in the broadcast. Of course, like most things at ESPN, it didn’t quite work, but even then, they are stripping the South African World Cup of its uniqueness. The games so far have been duds. The players have been duds. Lord knows the ball is a dud, so why try to ruin what seperates World Cup South Africa from the rest, their vuvuzelas. These vuvuzelas were used in last years Confederations Cup. FIFA knew what they were getting into. Also, I love the singing and drunken chanting as much as the next ‘lad’ but there is something oddly idyllic about the tooting of a colored water buffalo horn.

= The lack of goals: This is getting scary. There is really no real explanation. In my A-B-C’s of the World Cup, I said that ‘D’ was for ‘Defense?’ saying that is defense going to become a lost art. Obviously not. Now, there are a few games, like the Paraguay-Italy game, and definitely the Spain-Switzerland game, that did not feature so much great defense as just shoddy finishing, and were played quite wide open, but to think that only two teams have crossed the three goal limit is appaling. It may be the ball (I doubt it), it may be the altitude (possible, but it’s not like Altitide has never stopped anyone before (Broncos, Denver, from 1975-1998). To me, the best explanation is that it is a curious case best explained by randomness and a small sample size. People say that it is because “the teams just don’t want to lose, and are happy with a point”. If that’s the case, how do you explain the Champions League this very season, that had its highest scoring season in years. My guess is that the goals will even out over the next two group matches.

= The best player so far: Diego Forlan (again, written before Higuain’s hat-trick). Lionel Messi looked good, but not great in his opening match. Cristiano Ronaldo was his usual diving/flopping/choking self for his country, and Wayne Rooney was not on the field. (He was? Are you sure?) Forlan was great in Uruguay’s opening draw with France, and was the best player on the field yesterday. There is a long time left, but as of now, the Uruguayan is tops.

= Hopefully none of this sounds racist, but I am so tire of hearing about Africa. I get it. This is Africa’s first World Cup. I have fleeting memories of 2002, but I don’t think everyone gave two shits that that was Asia’s first World Cup. I get it, Africa’s impoverished. Well, then go play in Senegal, or Chad. South Africa is the richest African nation. If you want to play the poverty card, go all out. And finally, yes, I realize that just 20 years ago South Africa was in apartheid. Again, that is all very good. However, this has happened before. The World Cup was in Spain just 15 years after Franco’s tyrannical regime fell. Africa, honestly, doesn’t deserve any more coverage than any other place the World Cup might have possibly been.

= Kind of related to that last point but, doesn’t ESPN seem to be putting so much more effort in this time, and I love it. Somehow, international football is becoming all the rage in the US. Of course, people always watched the World Cup, but now people know the teams, the players, the rules of the game, etc. So, ESPN followed through on this groundswell by actually pimping out their World Cup coverage. They sent the guys over to South Africa this time (in 2006 they stayed in Bristol). They got actual soccer people (Martin Tyler, Efan Ekoku, Ian Darke, the Scottish guy who sounds so much like Andy Gray from the FIFA games) to call the games. They even got actual soccer players and coaches, including one old superstar (Ruud Gullit) to provide analysis in the hub in Jo-burg. However, I really have no idea why it took ESPN so long to come around to this. I taped some of the matches from the 2006 World Cup (so far, one of the best ones, and certainly the best of my lifetime), and while the games were better, the coverage as a whole was so, so, so, so much worse.

= This is also related to the South Africa thing, but I think only historically football nations should host the World Cup. Putting the World Cup in South Africa (or even the US in ’94 or Japan/Korea in ’02) is like putting the Super Bowl in Jacksonville. The Super Bowl should be limited to Miami, Tampa, San Diego, Atlanta, New Orleans, and Glendale. That is it. The World Cup should rotate between the following: Brazil, Argentina, USA (we are probably a top-20 team now, consistently), France, Spain, Germany, England, Italy. That’s it. Maybe throw in Holland, or maybe even Mexico. But South Africa? Russia? Australia? Greece? Sorry, lads, you don’t get the World Cup (of course, Australia is the favorite to get one of the 2018 or 2022 spots that FIFA is announcing at the end of the year). Those places have quality teams and traditions (so close, USA, so close to making this work). They have the right stadiums. Soccer stadiums need to be intimate and closed. Not necessarily domed, but closed in the make it a quaint, loud setting. These South Africa ones are way, way, way too open air. The German stadiums in ’06 blow Soccer City and the others out of the water.

= Let’s not get too excited about the referees being actually good for once. It is still early. I have no idea if the referees were good in the Group Stage of the 2006 World Cup. Other than the ref in the Italy-USA game, I don’t remember anything fishy in the Group Stage. Just like for the players, it is in the knockout round that the light shines brightest on them, and that is when they have to deliver. The fact that in the biggest game of the first round (Portugal-Cote D’Ivoire (not USA-England)), the referee was average and bought into Cristiano Ronaldo’s diving makes me really nervous.

= The biggest reason that the 2006 World Cup was better (again, so far), was that the teams were better. The only great team, on paper, in 2010 is Spain. Even the Brazilians, on paper, aren’t as great as most earlier Brazilian teams. The fact that the best team on paper lost is another story, but Spain is the only team that on talent alone could compete with some of the great 2006 teams. In 2006, France, Italy, Germany, Brazil and possibly even Portugal were better teams than all of the teams in the 2010 World Cup except for Spain and possibly Brazil. March Madness this year was the same thing. Sure, there were upsets galore, and Duke, a normal winner, won the tournament. But you could make a case that all of the last 12 Final Four teams from 07-09 (Florida, Georgetown, OSU, UCLA, Kansas, Memphis, UNC, UCLA, UNC, Michigan St, UCONN and Nova) were better than any of the four teams in the 2010 Final 4. A similar thing is going on the 2010 World Cup.

= Let’s get too unexcited about the fact that through one round of group games, the 2010 World Cup has been underwhelming. There have been more problems than goals scored. Obviously, lack of scoring ranks as the biggest problem, because it seems to be more of lack of trying to score (Spain certainly isn’t guilty of that), but so too is the ball, the over-blown media storm that is Africa, the lack of great players playing great (I’m looking at you, Ronaldo and Rooney), and of course, those damn vuvuzelas. I’m still enjoying the World Cup, because fuck, it is the World Cup, but I would be lying to say that the 2010 version has been as enjoyable so far as the 2006 version. Of course, there is a long, long way to go, and hopefully like Zidane, the 2010 World Cup gets better as it gets closer to the end.


Anyway, here is your 2010 FIFA World Cup Power 10, after the first round of Group Games.

1.) Germany – the fact that they always make it to the quarters is already putting them in the top-8, but they were the most dominant team of the opening round. Their 4-0 beat-down of a good Australian team was scary. Germany’s youngsters attacked much better than most thought.

2.) Brazil – They didn’t look all that great in beating North Korea, but after the end of the group stage, we could be saying that the real issue was the we all underrated the North Koreans. At least they won their game, and scored more than one goal.

3.) Spain – I can’t drop them too far. They utterly dominated the game. Sadly, this is the second time I have said such a thing in 12 months about Spain, but it is no less true this time. Play that game 10 times, Spain would win 9. It happens. They shouldn’t change a thing, except benching Sergio Busquets. Hopefully, Torres and Fabregas will be good to go.

4.) Holland – They very quietly dispatched a good Danish team 2-0, becoming one of just three teams to win a game by more than a goal so far. However, they didn’t look in true Holland form. It was as if Holland switched places with their bitter rival Germany.

5.) Argentina – (written before their 4-1 win over South Korea) They were oddly disappointing in the Nigeria-Argentina game. They never looked capable of losing, they never looked like the comfortable. In the end, they were kind of lucky to escape with the win. This team just smells QF Penalty-Kick loss.

6.) Ghana – Considering they were missing their best player, and they were playing a tournament dark horse, that was stunning. Ghana totally outplayed Serbia, and got rewarded with a clear penalty. Out of all the African teams, they were the one who did the best in 2006, so it really shouldn’t come to that much of a surprise that they could put up that performance.

7.) Uruguay – I know this is supposed to be based off only their first game, but I couldn’t help. Uruguay was great in their takedown of the hosts. The hosts are not easy to beat, ever. That was amazing. Also, now that Suarez and Forlan have been let loose, they have as much firepower as anyone not named Spain or Argentina (or Germany, I guess).

8.) Mexico – I was impressed and disappointed with them in their opener. They played well, outplayed South Africa, I thought, but also seemed to be a little lackadaisical. What I do know is that they had the hardest first game of anyone, against the hosts on opening night, and were the better team in the stadium.

9.) Switzerland – Hey, credit has to be given to a team that has gone five straight World Cup games without conceding a goal. They might never concede one again. Of course, their offense is generally not there, but they showed some offensive ability and conviction against Spain.

10.) Italy – Like Germany, they will most likely make the Quarters. However, unlike Germany, I doubt they get much further. Their age really showed in the Paraguay game. They started the game out playing better and more complete than any Italian team in recent memory. But the second that the clock reached thirty minutes, every Italian’s knees got heavy and tired. Their attack started to peter. Of course, their defense was as good as ever.

Enjoy round 2 of round 1!!

The 2010 World Cup Preview

Group A

Predicted Finish: 1.) Mexico – El Tri had a devastatingly poor qualifying campaign. Considering they have about 200 times the resources of any country in the North American qualifying not named “USA”, they should easily qualify every time. Either way, they are very talented, and in the past how good the team is qualifying has nothing to do with how they do in the World Cup. They have some really god young talent in their attacking corp, and that attacking style, which is all the rage, is perfectly suited for this group. Look for the real best team in North America to win a group for the second time in three World Cups. Mexico’s youth talent could take them really, really far, especially since they are in the cushy corner of the draw. Remember, two teams from groups A,B,C, and D have to make the semis.

2.) France – Les Blues are definitely talented, with Ribery/Nasri/Henry/Malouda/Gourcoff still all there. They have the same defenders that helped take France to the World Cup Final in 2006. They even had the same coach; however there starts the problems. Coach Raymond Domenech is crazy. He’s horrible. The players don’t really like him, he doesn’t really like him. Of course, all of this didn’t matter in 2006 since they had a certain balding magician on their team who played the tournament of his life, but now that Zidane is gone, the problems that were really evident on the 2006 team are still there. Then again, they have enough attacking talent to carry them out of Group A, but it could be very, very tricky.

3.) South Africa – Hosts have made it out of the Group Stage EVERY SINGLE TIME. Even the US made it out of the group stage when it hosted, so this is a vote against history and for a new precedent. South Africa, like all the African teams, is dangerous. They have great athletic ability, but as the US would tell you from experience in 2006, athletic ability can only take you so far. South Africa still has a great shot to get one of those top two spots, but with the possible exception of the US in 1994, this is the weakest host ever. It is not so much that the host has always made it, but that the host nation is good enough already. South Africa isn’t.

4.) Uruguay – They have a lot of attacking talent (seems to be a trend in what should be a high-scoring, most un-traditional group), but have the least on defense to stay with France and Mexico. Diego Forlan is one of the best strikers in the world, but I cannot say the same, or even close to the same, about any other Uruguayan player. Admittedly, they have more talent than the hosts, but I cannot dream to put the hosts last in a group when not only have the hosts never finished last, but also, again, always made it out of the group stage.

Group B

Predicted Finish:

1.) Argentina – They are probably the fourth most talented team after Spain, Brazil and Holland. However, talent is second to organization and technical ability. That is why the Germans have made at least the Quarterfinals in 10 straight World Cups, and that is why the Italians can win World Cups. The Argentineans are greatly lacking in these areas. Maradona’s craziness and his being a Messi Sabatuer will eventually catch up to the Argentineans, but just not until they build up hopes and get out of the Group Stage.

2.) Nigeria – The Eagles have always done well in their recent World Cup appearances. They made it out of the group stage in ’94 and ’98, and in each, they won their group. Recent times haven’t been as strong, but there has been a recent rebirth of Nigerian football. They have a legitimate chance of becoming the first African team to reach the Quarterfinals since Senegal in 2002, especially with their offensive attack. They led all of Africa in goals scored during qualifying. They can score, and the Eagles will soar.

3.) South Korea – Since their magical run to the semis in 2002, South Korea has been slightly overrated. They were average, at best, in 2006, and since they are one of the only two actually good teams in the Asia qualifying (with Australia) they are pretty much guaranteed a spot. They were great in qualifying, but again, that is against the likes of Myanmar and Philippines. Look for them to continue their run back down to mediocrity, especially in this group.

4.) Greece – I’ll credit the Greeks for qualifying, because Greek football has been on a downward spiral ever since their magical run to glory in Euro 2004, but Greece still is nowhere what they were when they stunned Portugal and Europe as a whole. To be honest, the Greek team is a mystery. They were quite good in qualifying, especially on defense, but still don’t seem to have the necessary talent to get out of a very tough group. They probably have more talent the South Korean team, but they don’t have the confidence that South Korea does, fresh after rolling through Asian qualifying. It will be another long two weeks for the Gyro-maniacs.

Group C

Predicted Finish:

1.) England – Ah yes, our monarchist friends. England has probably the most embarrassing World Cup history, since they damn near invented the sport, and were only able to win the World Cup once. They have a more talented team than they did in 2006, and a team that if things break their way can, gasp, win the whole thing. The group is kind enough, as only the US pose a major threat. Rio Ferdinand’s injury highlights what could be a rather weak defense, however their offense was the best in Europe during qualifying. Wayne Rooney, finally healthy, is on a mission to get himself in that Ronaldo/Messi argument. Lampard had the year of his life, and their role players all had solid years. England is really suited for their best World Cup run in decades. However, they still are England, and if there is any safer bet than them not winning the World Cup, there aren’t many more.

2.) USA – The US team has grown so much since their roller-coaster ride in 2002, and grown to a point that if they fail to get out of the Group Stage, the World Cup will be a MAJOR disappointment. They have more skill than ever, with Landon Donovan in the form of his life, and their midfield is solid. I’m not the biggest expert on the US team (ironic, since they are, you know, my country) but they seem to be one of the most athletic teams in the tournament, and the toughest. With the recent injury to Jozy Altidore making him a question mark, there is concern over where the goals will come from, but with that solid defensive midfield and goalie
(the US produces some great goalies), other teams will be asking the same question.

3.) Slovenia – They are a dangerous, dangerous team. They don’t have many known players, or any that play for the premier clubs in England, Spain, Italy or Germany, but the Slovenia team has its organization down. They will constrict the life out of every team they play, make teams wait, wait and wait until they can find an opening to attack. Luckily for the Slovenians, no one has that team that can make use of the limited openings. Slovenia can control the pace of the game by totally limiting their opponents chances to low percentage ones. Sadly, 0-0 draws can only take a team so far, and usually that location is out of the tournament before the knockout round.

4.) Algeria – The third African team again is much like the other two: fast, athletic and can score in bundles. However, they lack the talent at the end of the day to make much of a dent. Talent still wins out in the World Cup. Now, when two teams play that have almost equal talent, then other things might, but Algeria is almost definitely the fourth most talented team in the Group, and that will not help their cause. Also, at least for them, don’t buy the “Oh, they’re a home team in Africa” reason. Algeria is closer to Moscow than it is to Johannesburg.

Group D

Predicted Finish:

1.) Germany – Der Manschraaft is still as resolved as ever. In a tough, tough group, one that before Michael Essien’s injury would be a group that would not surprise me no matter what the two teams were advancing, Germany still stands out as the leader. The Germans are not the most talented team (although they are mighty talented, especially with Lahm and Schweinsteger, two of the most talented players at their positions, healthy and playing well). Just the winningest. They never are the most talented, they just win. Germany has this track record since 1974: Champion, Quarterfinalist, Semifinalist, Finalist, Champion, Semifinalist, Quarterfinalist, Finalist, Semifinalist. I can’t go against that track record, especially with a team that has some sleeping giants (Podolski, Klose) that could wake up at any time.

2.) Serbia – The recent Sasha Vujacic vs Goran Dragic face-off in the Western Conference Finals enlightened the World to two things. First, that there is no single more annoying person in any team sport in the world than Sash Vujacic. Secondly, that Serbia is a very good country at producing World-Class athletes That is more true in the football team. Serbia is really, really talented. Nemanja Vidic is a top-5 defender. Bratislav Ivanovic is a Chelsea defender who is deadly in the air. Dejan Stankovic and Milos Krasic provide good solid force in the midfield. Serbia really is as talented as many of the more famous, more respected European playes.

3.) Ghana – If only Essies was healthy, this could rival Group G as the Group of Death. Ghana is an extremely disciplined, defensive team, like a weird African form of Italy, but with Essien, the world’s best defensive midfielder, out, there is a gaping hole in Ghana’s organizational structure. Ghana still has other talents, but they are missing their best player. Of course, Ghana again is really nowhere close to South Africa, so there won’t be as big of a ‘home field advantage. I would not be shocked if the Ghanians somehow steal a spot away from those top two, but in a Group with three teams that all made it to the knockout round in the 2006 World Cup, there is a chance that one player will make a sizable enough difference to ruin the hopes of all the little Ghanians.

4.) Australia – The socceroos made a wise decision to switch over to Asian Qualifying, so they get more games against better teams to prepare themselves for the challenge of the World Cup, but if I were the Aussie Soccer Federating (by the way, way in the Queen-Messiah’s name does Australia call in ‘soccer’ like we do. I thought we were unique in that regard). While they still have a team good enough to pull an upset, the Aussies are nowhere near as good as they were 4 years ago when they made the Quarterfinals and lost on a controversial penalty to the Italians.

Group E

Predicted Finish:

1.) Netherlands – The clockwork orange are for once, a bit underrated. They, like Spain, did not lose a single game in World Cup Qualifying, but aren’t getting the same credit. They have been on an upswing, as until their tight loss to Russia in the Euro Quarterfinals, Holland was the best team in the tournament. With Arjen Robben in the form of his life after his glorious Champions League run, and Wesley Sneijder, Robin Van Persie, Mark Van Bommel and others providing deep depth on every level, Holland is loaded. They haven’t really done well in the World Cup since a semifinal loss to Brazil in 1998, but have the pieces in place to make that deep run. Plus, they are one of the few teams who actually has the ability and resolve to play attack football and not leave their defense totally open.

2.) Cameroon – It is not just Samuel Eto’o and the boys, but it seems that way. Cameroon is actually a lot like Ghana, in that they are a very organized defense-first team. The only difference in this case is that the Cameroonians are not missing their best player, and that best player is a very dependable goal scorer, the rarest soccer breed around. Samuel Eto’o, after the possible injury to Didier Drogba, is now the most marketable African star playing in the World Cup, and who not? The man has just won two straight Club trebles with two different teams. Everywhere he goes, he wins. Now, I’m not saying that Cameroon can will the World Cup. Hell, I didn’t even pick them to win their group. He’s going healthy and inspired to the 2010 World Cup, so it is only logical that winning follows.

3.) Denmark – The Great Danes are a god enough team to stay the course and make the Group interesting, but they are just not in the league of Holland. In many ways, they are the mini-Holland. Four years ago, Holland had a very young, very green, very talented team. They were lucky enough to be put in a manageable group, and were able to make it out, but the experience of that World Cup helped Holland mature into a team that was as beautiful as Spain was in Euro 2008, and is a favorite here in 2010. I don’t think Denmark will even be able to go that far four years from now, but if they develop like they can, I will at least pick them to get out of their Group four years from now.

4.) Japan – They just aren’t good enough. Keisuke Honda is a very good forward, and they have good young talented players, but compared, really, to all three of their group peers, Japan is quite obviously seriously lacking in quite a few areas. What really raises a few flags is how much Japan struggled to qualify in Asia. Japan should never really have to struggle to qualify out of the Asia conference, unless there undergoes a Big 10 like transformation and teams from Europe flock over across the Eurasian landmass and join in on the fun. The fact that it did just highlights that there is a lack of confidence, concentration and overall simple, plain ability.

Group F

Predicted Finish:

1.) Italy - Has there ever been less fanfare about the defending champs? France and Brazil both were favorites in 2002 and 2006. Italy in 2010? There is more news about a team that hasn’t won a World Cup in 44 years (England) than there is about the team that won the last one. Of course, there are reasons why no one is taking Italy too seriously. Firstly, they are really, really old. They have many of the players back from their World Cup winning team from 2006, and they were rather old then. 9 of the 11 Italian starters are over the age of 29, which is ancient in soccer standards. However, they are the Italians. They have reached the quarterfinals or better in five consecutive World Cups since 1994. They still have a ton of talent, one of the best systems and coaches and a great goalie. Italy was also given the Champions benefit and was placed in the easiest draw in the tournament. Sure they have no fanfare, but after they inevitably race through their group like they should, the defending champs might finally start to get some respect.

2.) Paraguay – They are one of the teams leading the South American Revival, where there could be 4-5 South American teams in the knockout stages. Paraguay has enough capable players to make short work of New Zealand. Really, this is a battle to either beat Slovakia, or play Italy closer, and I give the edge to the Paraguayans. Aurellieno Torres might be the second most famous Torres in the World Cup but he heads a solid defense that can give the Italians a good run for best defense in the group. Roque Santa Cruz and Edgar Benitez are very good attackers. Paraguay is another of those disciplined teams that won’t really beat themselves and will be a dangerous out for any team.

3.) Slovakia – Like Slovenia, they are short on known talent, with Marek Hamsik and Martin Skrtel being the only two players to play in teams that are in those competing for the Champions League title, but this team has youthful talent, again like Slovenia, that will make them interesting, at worst. They probably are not real threats, but in a group that would easily be called the Group of Life, in that all four teams (or in this case three teams – since even in the Group of Life, New Zealand is dead) have a chance.

4.) New Zealand – They are probably the worst team in the World Cup. After Australia left to the Asia Qualifying, that left New Zealand, and a lot of Islands that rhyme with “tonga”, to fight for the Oceania Qualifying’s lone spot. New Zealand got it, almost by default. If they scam a point in the tournament, I would be extremely impressed. There is nothing really to say here except I am furious that the All-blacks are choosing to where white as their ‘home’ jersey in the World Cup. That seems a bit off.

Group G

Predicted Finish:

1.) Brazil – Ahhh, the controversy of trying to not play “Brazilian”. Dunga has assembled a very, very, very talented team, but just not where most Brazilians like their team to be “talented”. Instead of guys Pele, Garrincha, Zico, Rivaldo, Ronaldo and Ronaldinho, providing talent to the attack, the Brazilians have stockpiled their talent where Dunga likes it, on defense. Brazil has most likely the best goalie in Julio Cesar. Brazil has two excellent fullbacks in Maicon and Lucio. The problem is that Brazil, a team that really doesn’t know, historically, how to embrace defense, has only one true offensive player to serve as the catalyst, and that is Kaka, who has been battling injuries and more importantly poor play the l ast two years. Brazil’s defensive personnel is excellent, and with Drogba out, should have an easy time getting out of this group. However, it would behoove them to get out on top, because as a consolation prize for finishing second, the runner up, in all likelihood, gets a date with Spain in the round of 16.

2.) Cote D’Ivoire – This was the toughest prediction to make. Drogba’s injury now looks like it is not bad enough for him to definitely not play in the tournament, but even without Didier in there, Cote D’Ivoire has the necessary pieces to push Portugal out of the World Cup. With the Toure brothers, Solomon Kalou and the rest of the Elephants (not a racist joke, just the teams nickname) have talent just spewing out their feet. Cote D’Ivoire was a disappointment in the 2006 World Cup, flaming out before the knockout stages, but that team was too reliant on Drogba. Not only is this team not too reliant, but it cannot be reliant on him. Drogba’s not walking through that door (most likely), but a lot of other quality folk are.

3.) Portugal – Along with Argentina and France, Portugal is the enigma of the tournament. They are talented (though not as much so as before the 2002 and 2006 World Cups), and they have the, as of right now, second best player in the world in Cristiano Ronaldo, yet they qualified by the skin of their teeth. At times Portugal was downright listless in qualifications, going four straight games at one point without scoring a goal. As was said before, there have been many teams that did not do well in qualifying that did extremely well in the World Cup, highlighted by Brazil in 2002 and France in 2006. But both of those teams were not whole in qualifying. Ronaldo missed a lot of the 2002 Brazil qualifying. Zidane had to be called out of retirement to rescue France in 2006. Other than Cristiano Ronaldo missing two games, Portugal was whole, and just as bad. Portugal has talent, definitely, but talent mixed with listlessness is not a good combination.

4.) North Korea – They are the real enigma, in that most journalist don’t even know the names of all the players. They are a total unknown, a mystery that Agatha Christie would be proud of. The only thing worthwhile to note is that there are four kin-jong’s on North Korea. Hopefully none of them are related to that mouse of a dictator. That’s all I really have one them. They probably aren’t that great, but the only other time they made the World Cup, they made it to the semifinals. I really doubt that will happen again, but since Kim Jong Il probably fed them Uraniam laced-Squid, God only knows what we will get in South Africa from the North Koreans.

Group H

Predicted Finish:

1.) Spain – It happens every time before a major tournament like this. People always try to find fault with the favorite, with the best team. It happened a lot in the 2007 NFL Playoffs where people were inventing reasons why the 16-0 (then 17-0 then 18-0) Patriots would lose (I guess they were right that final time). Now, people are trying to find fault with Spain. They only real scare was an injury bug, but not only are their players going to be back for the World Cup, all the injured ones (Xavi, Fabregas, Torres) played in Spain’s 6-0 bush-whacking of Poland. Spain is a good enough team that if Iniesta is really hurt (there were reports of a muscle tear, or at least a strain that might jeopardize his World Cup), Spain can just slide in Fabregas, the best central midfielder in England, onto the starting 11. They have limitless options on attack, and their defense is a lot better than people give them credit for, as shown by their run in Euro 2008 where they posted back-to-back-to-back shutouts in the knockout round. Spain is the best team, and should fly by this group without much resistance.

2.) Chile – Chile is a team that will probably to fight fire with fire and attack Spain right back. The one problem is that they might have trouble getting the ball against them. Either way, Chile has the team to beat the other two. Gonzalez can score with anyone, and the rest of the team loves to push it up the field, fast. They might be faster than even Spain. They are probably the best example of the rebirth of South American football. Brazil and Argentina have always been there, but recently Chile, Paraguay, and Uruguay have all taken steps up. Ecuador made the knockout round back in 2006. The best player in the world resides in Argentina. South America is finally beginning to at least make a serious effort to catch up to the depth of Europe.

3.) Switzerland – Along with Ecuador, they are the forgotten team to make the knockout round in 2006, let alone the fact that they won their group. In fact, Switzerland was notable for being the first team to get knocked out of the World Cup without ever conceding a goal, helped by a 0-0 penalty kick loss in the Round of 16. Switzerland just doesn’t have another one of those runs in them. Plus, in a group with Chile and Spain, there is about a -45% chance that Switzerland doesn’t allow a goal again.

4.) Honduras – They are the North Korea of the North American qualifying stable. Not much is known about the Hondurians, at least to me. Their players are unknown, again, to me. They will be fodder for Spain to pad some stats, and probably Chile as well, and even maybe Switzerland can get that goal finally, against the Hondurians as well. In all actuality, I have not heard of a single player for the Honduras, so there is no point of me even talking about them. I don’t like to make up stuff, and with them, I would be doing just that.

Knockout Round
‘*’ = in extra time (if the score is tied, that means penalties).

Round of 16

A1 – Mexico vs B2 – Nigeria

An interesting matchup of two teams that like to play similarly. Both teams like to push the ball. Mexico has slightly more defensive ballast to pull this game out. Plus, Mexico is due to make it past the Round of 16, which they have been felled in the last two World Cups.

Mexico 3* Nigeria 2


C1 – England vs D2 – Serbia

England is used to flaming out early, and Serbia is an up and coming team. This is an interesting matchup of two teams that are pretty evenly match, despite what the public will make you think. Neither team has a huge advantage here, so I’ll go with a hunch and say that the Serbians make a run.

Serbia 2 England 1


E1 – Netherlands vs F2 – Paraguay

Netherlands starts their run with a game against a team that has the ability to give the Clockwork Orange a load of problems. Paraguay can play enough defense to make the Netherlands work for every opportunity. Unfortunately for Paraguay, the Netherlands have the players to get quite a few of those opportunities.

Netherlands 2 Paraguay 1


G1 – Brazil vs H2 – Chile

If Dunga’s plan of playing defense and using his speed to counter-attack is going to have any success, it will have to start here. Chile is a team that will press the field and try to go at Brazil. If Dunga gets his way, this would probably end as a low scoring game where Brazil’s defense is really in control the whole time.

Brazil 1 Chile 0


B1 – Argentina vs A2 – France

This bottom half is loaded, and it starts with the matchup of the two most interesting teams. Argentina of course has the M&M show with Messi and Maradona. France has a team that dislikes its coach and may waste its sizable talent. Of course, France has the better recent pedigree, even with Zidane gone, and this Messi and Maradona thing will just not end well. Coaching matters. The last three World Cup Winning coaches were Marcello Lippi, Luis Felipe Scolari and Aime Jacquet, all three have had good careers in both club and country. Maradona has done nothing as a coach, save for throwing his best player under the bus.

France 2 Argentina 2 (FRA wins on PKs)


D1 – Germany vs C2 – USA

Ah, the Germans, again. They were the team who robbed the US of at least a chance at extra time in the 2002 World Cup quarterfinal. It is unfortunate they draw the Germans here again. The last World Cup that the Germans did not make the QFs for was 1970. That streak will probably end some day, but I can’t say that the Americans will end it.

Germany 1 USA 0


F1 – Italy vs E2 – Cameroon

The defending champs stalwart but old defense against the fastest man in football, Samuel Eto’o. That doesn’t make me feel good for Italy’s Title Defense hopes. Cameroon also can squash whatever offensive attack the Italians can muster. Italy has always been hit or miss in the World Cup, crashing out early almost as often as winning, so why not lose here in the Round of 16.

Cameroon 1 Italy 0


H1 – Spain vs G2 – Cote D’Ivoire

I would love if Spain, the most together team, could have played Portugal, the most individualistic team, but this is nearly as good, for Spain, that is. Spain won’t really have to worry about their defense too much with Drogba injured, and they can attack that Cote D’Ivoire defense for 90 solid minutes.

Spain 2 Cote D’Ivoire 0


Quarterfinals

A1 – Mexico vs D2 – Serbia

Probably if I told anyone in 2006 that this would be a quarterfinal in the 2010 World Cup, I would get laughs. Well, I still would probably get laughs. The amazing thing is that if this happens, one of those two teams will be Semifinalists. As for the actual game, these two teams are a study of opposites. Mexico pushes the ball and relies on an opportunistic offense. Serbia can lock down teams, and relies on an opportunistic counter-attack offense. So, in the battle of wills, it becomes a skill competition with a nice little shootout to decide which one of these two countries, Mexico and Serbia, make the Semis (yes, that’s right, semis).

Mexico 1 Serbia 1 (MEX wins on penalties)


E1 – Netherlands vs G1 – Brazil

That’s more like it. It is unfortunate that the second and third best teams have to duke it out this early, but it does set up for what would be an EPIC quarterfinal. Brazil will face their toughest test in the Dunga-defense era. Netherlands has the fast defenders to slow down the Brazil counterattack, and the offensive skill and shotmaking to get shots from outside the 18, which Maicon and Lucio will most likely defend brilliantly. Overtime just feels write for this clash of heavyweights that unfortunately would come in the Quarterfinals. I’ll say that the dutch revival continues as a goal in Extra Time ruins Brazil, forever ending the Dunga-defense era.

Netherlands 2* Brazil 1


A2 – France vs D1 – Germany

Another epic battle between the last two World Cup runner’s up. France and Germany are both teams that are equally matched. France is a little more talented, Germany is a little more mentally tough and together. France has more offense; Germany, more defense. However, this is still Germany, and now that everyone is counting them out because of Ballack’s injury and Podolski’s mysterious drop in play, so why shouldn’t they just make the semis for the third consecutive World Cup.

Germany 1 France 0


E2 – Cameroon vs H1 – Spain

This is where the magical mystery tour for the African teams end. If Essien was healthy, Ghana might have challenged for the semis, same if Drogba was healthy and Cote D’Ivoire won their group. Cameroon, the last remaining African nation, just doesn’t have it to knock of Spain, anywhere. Spain has better attack, better middies, better defenders and a better goalie. That combination usually results in a win approximately 93% of the time.

Spain 3 Cameroon 1


Semifinals

A1 – Mexico vs E1 – Netherlands

In what will undoubtedly be a visually appealing match, with the contrasting colors of the Clockwork Orange’s orange and El Tri’s green, the first semifinal pits two teams together that play similar styles. Mexico likes to attack more directly, with more speed and fast-paced advancing. The Netherlands are more about the build-up, the sublime passes that will leave lanes open. However, throw all that out. It is a World Cup Semifinal between a team that has never been to the Final, and a team that hasn’t been in 32 years. Mexico has, in my book, played two extra time games in a row. They have become the Turkey from Euro 2008 of the World Cup. Look for it to continue with another dramatic game, and it will end just like Turkey’s run in Euro 2008 did, with a loss 3-2 in the semifinals.

Netherlands 3 Mexico 2


D1 – Germany vs H1 – Spain

The two teams that played for the Euro title in 2008 (a game that ended 1-0 with Spain finally winning a major trophy) is the ultimate battle of a team trying to reach its destiny and the perfect opponent. Spain is the ultimate underachiever at the World Cup. Finally, though, with the knowledge that this group of individuals who are as talented as any group of players since Les Blues from 1998-2000, has already won a major title, Spain is poised to win a World Title. Of course, the World Cup Winner’s club is very selective, with France being the only new winner since 1978. Germany, the team that has made the final 7 times, winning 3 of them, protecting the World Cup Winner’s club. I say that in what will probably look a lot like the Euro 2008 Final, Spain does it again.

Spain 2 Germany 0


World Cup Final

E1 – Netherlands vs H1 – Spain

In what would be the first World Cup Final to feature two teams that have never won the World Cup before for the first time since 1934 (yes, you read that right), this matchup is unlikely, but it would be a dream. The two most attractive teams in football (not in terms of attractiveness, because I don’t stretch out the limousine, if you know what I mean, but in terms of attractive football) meeting in a World Cup Final. It would be perfect. The last time we had a World Cup Final where both teams scored more than 1 goal was in 1966, so this would be a great repeat of that wonderful Final. Spain and Netherlands are perfect teams to play one another. It would be a weird twist on the battle of possession. Spain would probably win the battle anyway, but Netherlands is deadly on the counter-attack, and better in the air. I would have to just go with a hunch and say that in a tournament where so many first have happened (Mexico making the semis, Spain making the final, two teams that haven’t won the tournament play for the title) we get a high-scoring extra time final. Torres with the winner. Xavi with the Golden Ball.

Spain 3* Netherlands 2