Honorable Mention.) 9/11 Was an Inside Job
I don’t want to talk about this one mainly because it would be so abhorrently evil if it was true. It will ruin America forever, and I’m sure of that. It would be an injustice on the level of the Nazi Party and the holocaust, and I believe that, as everything that the US has done in war in Iraq, Afghanistan stems from the actions of 9/11. If it was an inside job, and the WTC were downed in a control demolition, it would be the biggest political scandal ever, BY FAR. It would be an event that reaches far beyond anything I can currently comprehend.
The Sports’ Conspiracies
10.) Brazil Threw their 2006 Quarterfinal against France
I first saw this conspiracy bandied about after the World Cup finish in a pretty shoddy Youtube video. The main claims were that many of the Brazilian players were seen crying before the national anthem (as in they were depressed that they knew they would lose), and more jarringly, only three Brazilians even attempted to defend Zidane’s free kick which was tapped in by Henry for the only goal. In fact, one Brazilian defender is noticeably seen tying his shoe when the ball is in the air for what would be the goal. I doubt this has any merit too it, mainly because the Brazilians did put on a spirited effort to tie the game in the last 10 minutes, and Brazil is notorious for not defending set plays (which is just how they lost in 2010 to Holland). That said, I wanted France to win, but to see them absolutely dominate Brazil in that fashion was a bit odd. In the end it gets chalked up to France’s great defense and Zidane playing out of his skull, but Brazil definitely played soullessly enough to merit a thought of whether they were really in the game for the long haul.
9.) Barcelona gets preferential treatment
This started back in 2009, when Barcelona, a truly incredible team headed by Messi, Henry and Eto’o (they weren’t yet made up of basically the entire Spanish National team minus Casillas, Xabi Alonso and Torres). They were exciting, free-flowing, and mostly new. People weren’t tired of seeing them string together 5-foot passes yet. They met Chelsea in the Champions League semifinal, and Chelsea, in the mold of their previous manager Jose Mourinho, played all-out defense for 90 minutes in the Camp Nou in the first leg. I remember seeing the game and claiming that their strategy was “any time we get, give it to Cech, let him kick the ball 100 yards, and have Barcelona try it again.” It worked well enough, and then with Michael Essien’s super strike early in the second leg at Stamford Bridge, it seemed that the plan might just work. Then the injustice began. There were six shouts for penalties, ranging from the hollow (a push in the box by a Barca player, something that rarely gets called), to the incredibly, heinously obvious (a handball that would make Luis Suarez blush). None of them were granted, and in the 93rd minute Andres Iniesta scored. Barcelona went through on away goals and beat Manchester Utd. In the final. The only reason why UEFA would want Barca and not Chelsea would be to avoid a 2nd consecutive Man U – Chelsea final. I chalk that one down to incompetence. After the last two years, I’m not so sure.
In 2010, in the CL Semifinals, Barca was given the advantage of basically playing the entire second leg 11 on 10 after Tiago Motta was given a straight-red for an arm-bar that at worst deserved a yellow. Sergio “The Rat” Busquets (nicknamed so by me) crumpled down and then peeked to see if the ref was buying it. The ref initially didn’t, so Busquets rolled around some more, and then the ref gave the straight red. Inter defended brilliantly with 10 men and knocked out Barca, giving way to a boring final between Inter and Bayern Munich that UEFA probably wanted to avoid. 2011 was worse, when Barcelona was given an 11 on 10 advantage in the second leg of the Round of 16 tie against Arsenal (after losing leg one 1-2), and then again in the first leg of the semifinal against Real Madrid (after being scoreless for nearly 70 minutes). The Arsenal one was ridiculous, when Robin van Persie kicked away a ball barely a second after the offsides whistle blew, resulting in his second yellow. Oddly (or not so oddly), Barca did the same thing later and weren’t given a yellow card. The game was tied 1-1 when van Persie left (Arsenal up 3-2 on aggregate), before Barca scored two goals to advance. In the semifinal, Real Madrid had basically equaled Barca with great defense mainly due to Pepe’s covering of Messi. Then, after in what was actually a play with little to no contact, Pepe was given a red for swinging his leg to kick and airborn ball, but missing and getting Dani Alves’ leg. Alves went down as if he would need the leg amputated, and the medical staff carried him off on a stretcher. The lasting sight was Alves wanting to get off the stretcher before it even left the field and the Barca health team pleading with him to stay until they reach the bench, just to make the flop look 10% more decent. After Pepe left, Barca scored two goals turning the second leg into a dud.
The main point is why would UEFA favor Barcelona?? It is obvious really. A lot of the UEFA heads are Spanish, and Barca has ties in UEFA upper management. Barca is also seen as the crown jewel of the sport, the Lakers of UEFA, as they were sponsored by UNICEF, and played the beautiful game beautifully. Referees probably had no financial reason to favor Barcelona, but the amazing string of calls and cards to go for Barcelona is jarring. Both their 2009 and 2011 CL Titles were won under a shroud of controversy (leading to Mourinho’s hilarious quote that Pep Guardiola should feel ashamed that he’s never reached the CL Final without cheating). Barcelona is given the benefit of the doubt on almost every call. It probably doesn’t help that they are the best floppers out there. If it is true, then that probably just adds to the legacy of cheating and shadiness in UEFA and FIFA. It makes Jose Mourinho not look like a madman, and probably makes Messi come under darker light. I don’t think it is true, but in a sport with rampant favoritism and bribing, it could easily be possible.
8.) The Patriots did tape the Rams Walkthrough (and other Spygate related conspiracies)
Let’s take a trip back to late-January 2008. Before the 18-0 Patriots were set to play the Giants in Super Bowl XLII, a Boston paper released a story from a certain Matt Walsh, alleging that the he, a former video employee for the Pats, taped the Rams walkthrough prior to Super Bowl XXXVI. This unleashed a 2nd round of Spygate drama, and although it was eventually shot down by the Patriots and the paper admitted fault, I’ve always believed that there was more to that story, and Spygate as a whole, that met the eye.
Roger Goodell really screwed himself in the Spygate circus by burning the tapes. That was a silly move that makes everyone think if he was hiding something, if the tapes were more useful than the Patriots spun them to be, which is a legitimate thought. Goodell finished the discipline over Spygate in about two days, seemingly very hastily. It was all very hush-hush and them the walkthrough story comes out. Why would Matt Walsh just tell a bold-faced lie? How could he get so specific as to say he taped the Rams walkthrough? For a team who was caught cheating by stealing signals, was taping a walktrough that much of a step up? All in all, it has never been proven and the story died a quick death, but what if it was true? If the Patriots really did tape that walkthrough, I think they should be stripped of their 2001 Super Bowl Title. Taping the signals on game day is one thing. Secretly taping another teams’ private practice is about as low as it can get. In a way, I’m happy the story wasn’t true because that would have released a shitstorm on the NFL that I wouldn’t have wanted to see.
7.) Every NBA Draft Lottery is fixed.
Doesn’t it seem a bit odd that so many draft lotteries are won by teams with little chance of winning them? Doesn’t it seem a bit odd that so many players go to teams that make sense. The year University of Houston center Hakeem Olajuwon was the 1st pick, it just so happens that the Rockets win the lottery? The year that Akron native LeBron James is the first pick it just so happens that the Cavaliers win the lottery? The year that Chicago native Derrick Rose is the obvious 1st pick it just so happens that the Bulls win the lottery against tall odds? Doesn’t it seem strange that almost always when there is a sure-fire 1st pick, the lottery is almost always won by a premier team or a team with close ties to the player?
The draft lottery’s most notable shadiest moment came in 1985 when Patrick Ewing was the prize. The Knicks were in need of a jolt, and they, against tall odds, one the lottery. Back then, they put a bunch of cards into a spinning cauldron and Stern spun the wheel and then picked out a card, so the story goes that the NBA put a Knicks card in a freezer to make it icy cold, so Stern would know which card was the Knicks and then to pull that card. The next bit of conspiracy evidence is that Stern really takes a while rummaging his hand through the vat of cards before choosing one. Now a days, the lottery is actually done off-site, and then they reveal the order, but how can you really trust what is going on? All in all, even if it is true, that the lottery is many times fixed, it doesn’t really change my perceptions of the NBA. The NBA is already the most crooked of the 4 major sports, and especially so after the MLB cleaned itself up. The refs have more impact in the NBA than any other league, and one player can have more impact than in any other league. I will say that notable examples of lotteries appearing shady are with teams that don’t have great histories (The Cavs, the Rockets), but it definitely is odd to see so many guys get drafted #1 to a team close to home, especially when those teams are rarely the odds-on favorite to win the lottery.
6.) Michael Jordan was suspended for gambling.
Michael Jordan’s abrupt retirement from the NBA in 1993, which led to a comical career in Minor League Baseball is probably the strangest story in NBA history. Here was an athlete that had just won three titles and was on his way to having a career that would eventually make him almost undisputably the best NBA player ever. He was at the top of his game when he just decided to give it all up to play baseball? Jordan claimed it was part of the fallout of the murder of his father and just a tiredness from the game, but that makes no sense for a guy so insanely driven by basketball and by winning. He wouldn’t want to go play a game that he was not the best in, that he could not win in. Over the years, the conspiracy theory developed that Michael was suspended from the league for 18 months for gambling too much (not necessarily on the game of basketball Pete Rose style, but that Jordan’s obvious gambling addiction was harming the league’s image, not only his personal finances). As weird as it seems, it makes perfect sense.
Jordan’s gambling problem was supposedly permeating through the team, as he would raise stakes on nearly everything, from a shootaround in practice to poker on the team plane. He was truly addicted (by all reports, he very well could still be). Stern, instead of publicly scolding the league’s biggest star, gave Jordan the option to temporarily “retire” from basketball as a way to serve his suspension and save face with endorsers. If any commissioner would think of such a plan, it is David Stern. Stern knew that a public suspension would be bad for the league, worse than even if Michael left for a while. Granted, Michael retiring still hurt the league tremendously, as attendance and ratings fell to a point that there was a legitimate discussion as to if the NHL could pass the NBA in popularity. Then, like the knight in shining armor, Jordan returns to save the league, win three more titles and put any questions over his “best-ever” worthiness to rest. I’m not sure if it is true, but I will say that out of all the conspiracy theory’s on the list, this is the one with the highest chance of actually being true.
Other Conspiracies
5.) There is a New World Order hideout under Denver International Airport
I’m guessing 99.9% of the population has never heard of this conspiracy and that is because it is patently absurd; but then again, that makes for the most entertaining conspiracy. Denver opened its new airport sometime in 1995 and it had a lot of architectural quirks. There is a bronze statue of a lot of symbols, one of which includes the phrase “New World Airport Commission”. The New World Order is a secret group of people conspiring to rule the world under one global government, and will use genocide to get the world to that stage, and part of the theory is that members of the order had a hand in building the airport (hence the “New World” Airport Commission). Anyway, after Denver International Airport was built, there were conspiracy theories that the US Military had built large underground bases, and one of them was supposed to be under Denver International. Then, a man who worked on building underground tunnels (reportedly to aid the quick transition of cargo, bags and fuel across the airport) claimed to have seen large “holding cells perfect for prisoners”, and “strange electromagnetic forces.” There are strange words, like “Cochetopa”, “Sisnaajini”, and “Dzit Dit Gaii” which conspiratists point to being a secret New World Order code. Finally, there is a haunting mural painted on the walls of the airport that depicts, of all things, genocide taking place, and after the genocide ends, the children of the world coming together under one rule (just like the supposed plan of the New World Order). Therefore, the theory states, Denver International Airport is a base for the New World Order to carry out part of their plans.
Of course, most of this has been debunked. The airport uses those tunnels (they do exist) to, as I said earlier, carry bags and cargo across the long airport. The words cut in the floor are Navajo words which are the words for different Colorado Native landmarks. Also, the paining is haunting, but it is about how the people of the world will come together to defeat genocide (not come together because of it…. And yes this is admittedly a stupid theme for a mural in an airport). However, the New World Airport Commission is pretty hard to explain. It looks like these evidences of a New World Order base at Denver International are really hollow, but nevertheless it is a wild theory that I, a lover of airports, am particularly smitten towards. Denver International is almost assuredly not a New World Order base camp/prison, but even then, the architects did a nice job of leaving enough strange elements to get people talking about the airport.
(I forgot one, although this has less to do with the New World Order aspect of it all: From the air, the layout of the runways of the airport make out what looks to be a Swastika. Of course, it takes a creative mind to fill in the gaps in the swastika, and this can also easily be explained, as the airport built runways in all directions, spreading them out so if crosswinds were to occur, at least two runways could be used. Then again, why a swastika type shape???)
To me, this conspiracy, if proven true, would be more meaningful and memorable than if the other theories about musician deaths were true, such as if Tupac was still alive, if Michael Jackson were still alive, or if Kurt Cobain was murdered and didn’t commit suicide. Elvis being alive has more merit than those (although the Cobain one is interesting, I ultimately put it right next to JFK as theories that wouldn’t really change anything if they were proven true). The basis for Tupac being alive was the proclivity of songs sampling him being produced after his death, though this can be explained through a catalog of recordings of his being made prior to his death and unused. The Michael Jackson ones have no merit at all. Elvis is a different story.
The amount of Elvis sightings since his death in 1977 are quite numerous, and deep in scope, with people claiming to know him well after death and being close friends (rather than just “saw him across the dark room” witnesses). Elvis would be just 76 today, so he could easily be alive. His death itself was quite mysterious, as he did amid a maze of drugs and illnesses, but he did not have any serious illness (cancer), nor was he the drug addict like a Jim Morrison or Jimi Hendrix. There is no reason for Elvis to have possibly made the career move of dying (other than the theory that many musicians find their greatest success after their death). If Elvis is still alive, he’s hid it well – which gels with a lot of the Elvis sightings as many people who claim to have seen him say that Elvis put on a totally new persona. Elvis is most probably dead, but it is always interesting to theorize that people who died are still among us.
3.) Osama was killed some time before the announcement
I’ll admit that this one is probably something I’m hesitant to talk about since it is political, but I feel it is an interesting theory, especially since if it was true probably doesn’t hurt Obama as much as it would seem. The theory is that Osama Bin Laden was killed well before the May 2nd national announcement, one that was delayed about 2 hours from its originally scheduled time. The killing of Osama was a rallying day for the US as a whole, and really a perfect excuse for college kids everywhere to get hammered on a Sunday in celebration. More reverently, it was seen as a seminal day in the war on terror, and a day of rejoice across the world, that that madman would never harm another soul. The only question was when did he actually die? If he died that day, it would be extremely difficult to verify the body as him using DNA that quickly. If it was done a couple days earlier, which is not only likely but highly possible, there are two good reasons for Obama waiting on the announcement, one that especially doesn’t hurt his reputation. The first is the more scurrilous reason that he wanted to wait specifically for the 8th anniversary of Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” speech, as a way of saying to all Republicans “The Mission is Accomplished Now, Bitches!”. The other was that he didn’t want an announcement of his death to coincide with the Royal Wedding earlier that weekend, which oddly makes sense. The Royal Wedding was a global event, and Osama wouldn’t have been more or less dead if he waited another day.
That said, there are darker theories, ones that claim that Osama died years earlier, and Obama was waiting to use the killing of Osama Bin Laden as a trump card to play anytime he felt his poll numbers were lagging. I say bunk to that theory since then why wouldn’t he wait closer to the election, when he knew his opponent. I mean, Obama’s approval ratings did get the inevitable bump (just like Bush’s did when Saddam was captured), but if the economy continues to lag, the specter of Osama Bin Laden’s death will shine less brightly upon Obama. Another theory is that Osama died of Farney’s disease, and that the US kept his body in a plan to use it, again as a trump card, although this is probably even less true as it alleges he died sometime during the Bush administration. Generally, most of these dark theories are just the mad concoctions of FOX NEWS and their viewers/supporters who are all a bit miffed at the credit Obama is taking for offing Osama. That said, I could easily see a case where he actually died a day or two before Obama’s national announcement, and then the delay with the announcement was caused by the administration making sure they covered their tracks.
2.) The 2000 election was fixed in Florida
Political again, but unlike Osama Bin Laden’s death, the 2000 Election has become something of a pop-culture event than a political race. Let’s go back to 2000, on a November night. Al Gore was winning a lot of the big states, but Bush was taking every last small state, and finally we were down to a situation where Al Gore was just three electoral votes away, and Bush 24, with Florida (and its 25 votes) the only state left. If Gore had won any of the 3-vote states (like Montana, the Dakotas), or even his homestate of Tennessee, or Clinton’s home state of Arkansas, the Florida result would have been moot. But alas, it was not, and it was first called to Gore, then Bush (leading to Gore conceding the race), to “too-close-to-call” (leading to Gore un-conceeding the race), back to Bush, and finally resting on “too-close-to-call”, the spot it would lie for several weeks. Over the next month, the country got all-too familiar with hanging-chads, Dade & Broward County, the prospect of a recount, absentee ballots, and the world got to laugh at a country who couldn’t effectively pick a president. In the end, the Supreme Court upheld a law that stated that recounts only had a certain time to be processed, and the state of Florida went passed that time, and basically awarded Florida to Bush and the presidency to Bush. After the dust settled, George W. Bush was our president, becoming just the 3rd president to lose the popular vote. Al Gore became the world’s most prominent Global-Warming Awareness leader, and the country went back to forgetting what a hanging chad was. However, was Gore even given a fair chance in Florida?
A lot of the problems stemmed from the ridiculous voting results from two counties: Dade and Broward; two counties that both had a high percentage of Jewish residents as well as a shockingly high percentage of votes for 3rd Party candidate Pat Buchannan. What really made the story ridiculous was that Pat Buchannan was a staunchly conservative Christian, which made it very unlikely that he would receive significantly more votes from two highly Jewish concentrated counties than in any other county in the country. A likely explanation was that the maddeningly confusing of the manual ballot made people who thought they were voting for Al Gore vote instead for Pat Buchannan. Al Gore lost those two counties big time, and if he would’ve gotten 90% of the Buchannan vote, he wins the counties and then the election. Of course, this is where the fix possibly comes in. The state of Florida, instead of issuing a re-election in those counties with a better ballot, decided to keep those results, but recount them. This was despite the many cries of people in Dade and Broward County claiming that they voted for Buchannan mistakenly, instead of voting for Gore. In the end, the recount took forever, and it was mainly held up in the state government bureaucracy, and it just so happened that in the state of Florida, George Bush had his own brother as governor. The recount was held up, and finally took too long to be completed within the deadline set by the courts. Bush was president.
Now, I don’t think Florida was fixed prior to the election, nor do I think that the ballots in those counties were intentionally made in a confusing manner to draw votes away from Gore (and it can be said that Bush would be affected from the same confusing ballot – although it should be noted that there was no irregular voting for the candidates surrounding Bush’s place on the ballot). However, I think it is entirely plausible that Florida, a state headed by a Republican governor who happened to be the main Republican candidate’s brother, and a sate with a high republican presence in its state courts, would try everything to slow down this recount. Lost in all of this is if they never did do a re-vote in Dade and Broward counties, Bush probably still wins, but the actions of everyone involved in Florida wreaks of shadiness and purposeful laziness. I’m not sure why any ballot would ever be made that confusing, or manual, but Florida for some reason thought it was a good idea.
The Grand-Daddy conspiracy theory. Not only is it among the most interesting to dissect, but it is probably the theory that would give the most “Holy Shit” reaction if it was in fact true (well, apart from the 9/11 one). The theory is simple, really: Paul McCartney died in a car accident (an accident that definitely did happen) in 1966, and was replaced by a look-alike. The Beatles, troubled with guilt for hiding the death of their band mate, littered the proceeding four or five Beatles’ albums with clues to reveal that Paul was dead. Some clues are quite interesting. If you play some songs backwards of the Beatles, you get a long drawn out noise of a car crash, a man screaming and a woman crying, and then an ambulance. In another song, when played backwards, John Lennon is heard saying “Paul is Gone.” There are more symbolic lyrics to Paul death than I can possibly write (all when played forward, mind you). Then there are many visual clues on album art. The cover of ‘Abbey Road’ is the most infamous, where Paul is barefoot and out of step with the rest of the Beatles, who are dressed as if going to a funeral (John in the preacher’s white, Ringo and George in mourning black). In ‘Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart’s Club Band’, and a couple other albums, there are hands extended up in a blessed pose above Paul’s head. Then, there is the whole story of the look-alike. The Beatle’s held a Paul Look-alike contest shortly before his death, and the claim is that they used the winner in the contest to be Paul. Of course, the winner would have to both be left-handed, sound like Paul and be quite musical, but the theory goes that they found someone who was all three. Paul died in 1966, and the Beatles replaced him? Too crazy to be true, but alternatively, just as crazy that it might.
The evidence against this obviously is that it would have been extremely hard for the Beatles to find someone to emulate Paul so perfectly that no one could ever use Paul’s appearance or voice as clues. Think about that. Not one of the common clues for the “Paul is Dead” crowd is anything like “Paul stopped sounding the same” or “Paul looked different pre-1966 and post.” They are all just supposed clues littered along the album covers and in the songs of the Beatles. That said, the accident definitely happened, and there were talks of a premature TV report that Paul McCartney had died in a car accident. The Beatles did have a natural place to go with a replacement from the look-alike, and the Beatles were the type of band who would bandy about clues among their songs and the album artwork. There were also notable clues to the Beatles being reduced to “3” (John, George, Ringo) in songs post-1966. All in all, the circumstantial evidence is there, but they could all be the machinations of minds similar to those who claim the Dark Side of the Moon lines up perfectly with ‘The Wizard of Oz’ (which is a theory that just missed the list, mostly because I’ve never put it to the test). Paul is almost assuredly alive.
Then again, wouldn’t it be truly incredibly if the theory was true, if the Beatles were slyly employing a fake Paul for all those years, if the man now beloved as Paul McCartney, the last remaining relevant Beatle (Ringo Starr can count in millions in the relative obscurity that is his life now), is in fact an imposter, a replacement? The Beatles would have carried out one of the great hoaxes of all time, and done it under intense scrutiny over, what is now, 45 years. If Paul McCartney did die, that means millions have probably wasted their money going to Paul McCartney solo concerts these past 20 or so years. I will say that the replacement would have had to be quite an artist to be as successful as solo Paul. If Paul McCartney did die that night in 1966, it would probably have been one of the biggest “what-if?” deaths of all time, cutting off a bright bulb so shortly into a career. Paul McCartney, one can argue, is the biggest musical star right now, in that he could command the highest price. He’s still a Beatle, for shits sake. However, he easily could not be a Beatle, and the clues are there to say that we should have known it all along.
