Friday, August 13, 2010

Food on Fire: Live Blogging the Hell's Kitchen Finale


Hell's Kitchen is a nice guilty pleasure of mine, and how could it not be? Food? Interesting Characters? Angry British Guy Screaming Obscenities So Much That It Makes Rex Ryan Look Polite? Hell's Kitchen has got it all. This season has been very, very interesting. There has been a total psycho who admitted to eating raw live calves. There has been a menapausal woman who acted quite whorish at times. There were two african-americans who were hated from the beginning, despite them actually both being talented, which dripped of nice racism. There has been a in-competition romance, and those two are left. The competitors are Jay, a great chef and the prohibitive favorite, and Holly, a curvy, but slightly overrated cook and harlequin. Anyway, here we go, Ramsey's out there, so are the two, and it is ON.

8:02 - So, we start off with a nice little montage, which appropriately shows Jay as a person who can cook, and Holly as a person who likes to wear skimpy clothing and act all cute. I think it is pretty sure by my tone that breasts aren't swaying my decision. Jay really should win this.

8:05 - Jay says confidently "I can beat her." Holly responds with a nice "I will do whatever it takes." Again, I'll take the more confident guy here. For a nice little twist, the chefs will design their own menu for the final, to which Holly is bewildered, saying "I didn't think I'll make it far." Yeah, that's a good sign.

8:07 - Holly says "I'm not sure what the taste of the menu will be. People will say it is French, but I think it is Californian." I'm not sure how you get those two mixed up.

8:08 - They are now in a limo. Jay quips "Chef Ramsay doesn't do anything nice for us." Of course, Jay has to forgetten that every single episode, there is a fucking prize where they get to do fun, expensive shit.

8:09 - The final challenge is the chefs designing five dishes, and it will be judged by five of Ramsay's yes-men (or as he calls it "my executive chefs").

8:10 - "Cooking five dishes in an hour, my head might fall off," Holly says. At least it wouldn't be her boobs falling off, because then she has no shot. Also, why is it always they finish just in the nick of time. No one can finish it 57 minutes, not 59:59.

8:11 - Both present their amoze-buch (not sure what that is, but it seems like a cloudy martini-type thing). Jay wins the first test, and now the cold appetizers.

8:12 - Holly wins the cold appetizer, mainly because the chef had googly eyes for her. Way to let your testosterone get in the way.

8:13 - Holly wins the hot appetizer, and this time a woman was judging, so I have to assume she was a lesbian. Jay wins the fish entree, and even gets a "definitely the better one."

8:14 - The final dish will be judged by who is essentially their future boss. Jay has tater tots in his dish. To me, that would be an immediate DQ, since tater tots are basically first-grade food. Holly tries to flirt her way to a win. Very surprising there.

8:17 - Hell's Kitchen's ad breaks are so predictible, as they go to commercial right before he announces the winner. It would be a bigger surprise if the FOX people actually give out the answer before the challenge. Jay wins. Thank the fucking Lord.

8:19 - Another tradition in the final, Chef Ramsay brings back older chefs that were previously knocked out to be the souz chefs in the final. Jay pick Benjamin, which is a great pick, since he, you know, is the second best chef in the whole damn competition. Holly picks Autumn, who everyone hates. Jay picks Jason, who everyone also hates. It's like the FOX higher-ups told Jay and Holly to stop acting so damn racist.

8:21 - The final pick is between one crazy young bitch, and one crazy old bitch. Jay picks the old bitch. Basically, those two will not decide this competition at all. Siobhan, who is the last pick, needlessly brings up an old grudge and curses out Ben.

8:22 - Back upstairs, they go over their menus. Siobhan says she hasn't cooked foix gras before. That's nice. I think I have. For some reason, Ben is stepping up as the leader, controlling the menu. Jay says, "We have the 'A' team, they have the 'L' team." Not sure what that means, but I still probably agree with him no matter what.

8:24 - Siobhan doesn't know that the center of a flame will give off the most heat. She seems well qualified. She somehow was not kicked off first, which shows that they must intentionally pick bad people with no skills.

8:25 - Chef Ramsay ends act 2 by calling them to his office. They seem scared, but he's probably just handing out a pep-talk, or a camera to film them having sex, which is the only thing that hasn't yet happened on this season.

8:26 - Dinner for Schucks commercial comes on. I have a rule that if you put five really funny people together in a movie, the movie has to be funny. I think I have found my long-awaited exception to that rule.

8:27 - Sprint gives off a nice ad about their unlimited text and web deals. You'll need those, since they have a rarely-quoted very-limited talk deal.

8:28 - FOX is releasing a show called "The Great Food Truck Race" about a race between, you'll never guess, a group of Food Trucks. I love cooking shows, and truck shows, but there is a better chance I will watch Betty White get herself off than watch "The Great Good Truck Race".

8:29 - Chef Ramsay gives them each a trip to Australia for some reason. Was that really necessary? Couldn't they have donated that money, or at least use it to give Chef Ramsay a haircut, or Siobhan a penis-removal surgery.

8:30 - Right before the opening, Jay and Holly share a very awkward half-kiss. Very sweet, like watching two dolphins have sex, but only awkwarder.

8:32 - They gave Siobhan the amuze buch responsibilities. That seems like a good idea Holly. She didn't even know what foix gras is, so it probably isn't a good idea to give her something even harder sounding to do.

8:33 - Fran burns scallop. These guys make it seem so fucking easy to burn food, or cook it raw. It really can't be that hard.

8:34 - Meanwhile, over at the red, everyone is in one big clusterfuck. This could be a Ravens-Patriots type beatdown. Of course, FOX won't let that happen, but just know, it really was that one-sided.

8:36 - Jason screws up the lamb, and of course, everyone gets on his case. Jason is about to self-destruct. Thankfully for Jay, so is everyone in the red kitchen.

8:38 - Drew Barrymore? Average. Justin Long? Past his prime. JIM GAFFIGAN. HOLY FUCK, JIM GAFFIGAN IS DOING A MOOOOOOOOVIE!!!!!!!! (However, they won't let him talk about hot pockets, and seeing from his one word role in the preview, I'm pretty sure he's not good enough to make this movie any good.

8:40 - Jason finally cooks good lamb. It even gets a "so tender" from a very metro-looking customer. What is funny is even after Jason's shitting on lamb, the red kitchen is barely started with their entrees.

8:42 - Jay is smart enough to not yell at Jason, who is a talented cook when he's not being spat at. Jay is really a good chef, and a great leader. If he doesn't win, he should immediately sue Ramsay for sexism.

8:44 - Black on black crime between the true beauty of the season (Autumn - who's slightly bitchy) and Nilka (who's slightly crazy). It ends with gunshots. I mean, it doesn't, but it really should have, just to bring their racism theme full-circle.

8:46 - Finally, an ad for Ramsay's show "Master Chef." Really, Ramsay should be just elected President. He's been able to effectively launch four different cooking-based shows in the US. Sure, "Gordon Ramsay's Cook-a-long Live" is no longer on the air, but that show had Alyson Hannigan and LeAnne Rimes as guest-cooks, which makes that show a perfect 10 for me.

8:48 - FOX shows an ad for a new screwy-family comedy "Raising Hope." Considering it is on FOX, there are only two possibilities. One: Either the show will be great, and thus cancelled in two years (Arrested Development), or piss-awful but stay on the air (American Dad).

8:50 - Somehow, both have just three tickets left. Not sure how this happened, but it seems a little shady. At least to the viewer eye, Jay's team did so much better. They even finished first. Holly's son greets her, accompianed by her "friend" who is also the son's dad. Never really was explained how that all worked out.

8:51 - Another never explained fact: Why do all the chefs smoke? They always light up a cig in the apartment upstairs. Jay and Holly are getting drunk. They could finally close the deal. Of course, FOX won't show us the consummation of their relationship. They can show us "The Great Food Truck Race" but not a little sex?

8:53 - Chef Ramsay is in the office with both of them. They stand in front of their doors. One door will open, and that chef is the winner. Again, it better be Jay. He's the best. The best chef one last year, and should win this year.

8:54 - Predictibly, there is an ad break right before the door is opened. Again, they really should switch it up once, and fuck over all the people who have cracked their ad break code. It will be fun for millions of people who fast-forward through that moment have a "What the shit" look and rewind frantically.

8:57 - And were back. The chef who's door opened is................



8:57 - Holly. This is BULL. She is far from the best chef. She is far from the best looking girl in the history of the show. She is far from the best leader. Whatever. Shit happens. She has to be the least talented winner in the history of the show, definitely worse than past winners Heather and Danny Veltri. Ramsay gives some bullshit reasons to why she is the winner.

8:59 - Till next year.

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Desperate NFL

The Desperate NFL. The NFL has been compared to a tv show by me and a multitude of other people. (OK, fine, only me.) Well, if it was a TV show, the NFL would be Desperate Housewives, because of its effusive drama, splashes of comedy, season-long mystery. (OK, fine the comparison is not that strong, but it’s less fun to compare the NFL to a show that isn’t about four women.) Each character on the show represents a different feeling, a different characterization of women. Each team in the NFL represents something different about the league, so without further ado, here is the list of NFL teams, and what Desperate Housewives character they represent.

Arizona Cardinals – Edie Britt

The Cardinals, just like Edie, have a ton of positives. Both are flexible, both are led by youthful talent, and both continued to show a smart and stable plan. The only problem, the most important part is not there. For Edie, it was her conscience. She was a vindictive, crazy, bitch. For Arizona, it is that quarterback, Mr. Matthew Leinart, who like Edie, seems to like a party or two.

Atlanta Falcons – Mike Delfino

Sweet, homely, they’re the Man’s man. Even their names: Mike Smith, Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, they are the plain, reliable team. However, just like Mike, they have some mystery to them. They can explode on the NFL, just like Mike did on Paul Young late in Season 1. Just like Mike, the Falcons can be scary good, but mostly, they are just sweet kids.

Baltimore Ravens – Carlos Solis

Like Carlos, the Ravens are rich, the Ravens so with talent. They have the talent and the business-like attitude. They both have a cool, confident swagger. They both have a manly, physical attractiveness (not to sound gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that). However, they both lose their cool under pressure. Carlos literally just loses it, while the Ravens get flag-happy, turn the ball over and do all the other things that keep teams away from the Super Bowl.

Buffalo Bills – Zach Young

They’re both sad, crazy kids. The Bills are now a mess, just like Zach after he lost his mother to suicide. They both are searching for an identity, as the Bills are waffling between Buffalo and Toronto, and Zach between the idea of being raised by Paul but being Mike’s son. Although they are so messed up, you cannot help but root for the success of either.

Carolina Panthers – Penny Scavo

Sweet and innocent. There is no other way to describe Penny, someone who was legitimately upset that her mother was having another kid because she loved being the cute, youngest kid. The Panthers have a cute draw to them. In a passing league, they run the ball. They have a short, speedy receiver who catches everything. They have a no-name QB who anyone can root for.

Chicago Bears – Karl Mayer

With Mike Martz and Julius Peppers in the fold, they have the cockiness and hilarity that Karl Mayer espouses. Also, looking at the Karl character before the affair with Bree, he really was deep down a good guy, an underrated character, who wanted to get back what he foolishly gave away. Same with the Bears, who after all the platitudes are handed out, are a good football team, one capable of the playoffs.

Cincinnati Bengals – Rex Van De Kamp

Tight-lipped defensive team for the most part, the Bengals mirror Rex’s outward image, especially his dourness paralleled with Marvin Lewis, but they both have that wildness in them that makes them so interesting. For Rex, it was his affinity to being dominated, and for the Bengals, it is obviously Messers Owens and Ochocinco. Treasure the Bengals, because before you know it they might turn out like Rex, flamed out too soon.

Cleveland Browns – The Bolen Family

Just like the Bolen family, there seems to be a lot of infighting within the Browns. Eric Mangini and Mike Holmgren seem a mix made for TV, while their counterparts Angie and Nick seemed to be totally incompatible. The players, the analogue for Danny Bolen, seem to hate Mangini, but secretly, much like Danny, they love their leader, and would do anything for him.

Dallas Cowboys – Victor Lang

Clean-cut, cool and prepared, the Cowboys emulate the old Mayor of Fairview in many ways. Sadly, one of those ways is that secretly all the strings are being pulled by their superior, and that superior can make everything crash and burn. For Victor, it was his scheming father who was behind it all, and for the Cowboys, it is Jerry Jones, whose maniacal obsession with sticking his nose everywhere may doom them.

Denver Broncos – Kayla Huntington

Started out great in the McDaniels’ era. Josh came in there, and much like Kayla entering the Scavo family, and turned heads. His 6-0 start made everyone forget the peculiar things that happened early in his tenure (like trading the QB, for instance). Of course, the truth cam out, and McDaniels’ team fell off, and like Kayle it turned snippy and devious.

Detroit Lions – Juanita Solis

Juanita started out as ugly, fat, and honestly, a bit underloved, but as Gaby grew to love Juanita, seeing that she had rare talents, so to do we with those Lions. Like Juanita in her first season, the Lions went 0-16, and set a record for being despised. A lot of that seems in the past. Juanita matured, and the Lions found a coach who cares and a QB. Happy times are ahead for both.

Green Bay Packers – Susan Mayer

Just like Susan, who is supposedly the main character, the Packers seem to good. Like Susan, they are attractive, beautiful and sweet (at throwing). They have the mental fortitude to succeed, but there is a klutzy element. The Pack’s o-line cannot protect Rodgers, while Susan’s mind cannot protect herself.

Houston Texans – Andrew Van De Kamp

Like Andrew, everyone thinks this is the Texans year. Certainly, Andrew is no longer an idiot youth, while the Texans are no longer a bad team, but neither can finish their transformation completely. A lot of fans have given up on both ever reaching more than mediocre, but they both have the chance and should not be counted out too soon.

Indianapolis Colts – Lynnette Scavo

Hardworking, beautiful (passing), smart, strong, both are the perfect embodiment of what a team (or strong woman) should be. However, their abilities can get them into problems. Lynnette’s strong will creates occasional problems in her marriage, while the Colts defensive system creates problems with injuries. Yet, at the end of the day, they both are the best in their respective arenas.

Jacksonville Jaguars – George Williams

Both are crazy, with the Jaguars led by a patently insane man in Jack Del Rio. Both toe the line between pitiable and just sad. Not only do you try to feel bad for them, you want to feel bad for them. You think you want to see them succeed, but really, they are beyond reproach. They have (in George’s case literally) killed themselves in their attempt to gain respectability, and that attempt failed.

Kansas City Chiefs – John Rowland

He seems nice and sexy from the outside, as do the Chiefs with Chaarles and the newbie Dexter McCluster, but in reality, Rowland is nothing but a fake, confused pretty face. The Chiefs have these convoluted ideas, like bringing Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennell along will somehow make Matt Cassel good, just like Rowland somehow thought his affair with Gaby was more than what it was.

Miami Dolphins – Katherine Mayfair

With Parcells, Sparano and now Mr. Marshall in the fold, they seem a little too perfect off a woman-next-door team. They have all the arrogance to go with the practice. Like Mayfair, they have a very intriguing prospect that behind the perfect veneer is a young, innocent team. Mayfair was a troubled woman, just like Marshall, but given a second chance, they both can make good.

Minnesota Vikings – Danielle Van De Kamp

Danielle Van De Kamp started out well, and like the Vikings, a young team without a quarterback, at the start she showed promise but had to mature. However, with the addition of Brett Favre, like the sad demise of her father, the Vikings and Danielle turned into a dynamo. She became the craziest character, just like Favre’s Vikings, with crazy storylines, a sadist coach and a dominant wall of a defensive line.

New England Patriots – Orson Hodge

Started out so perfect, but like most things, the Pats and Orson both hid some serious sins (No, I am NOT talking about Spygate). Orson’s beautiful smile and polite demeanor, much like the Patriots and their passing game, was able to overshadow many, many holes. Orson was a scheming man, running over Mike, while the Patriots had holes all over their defense, being run over by the Ravens.

New Orleans Saints – Gabrielle Solis

Beautiful and sexy, that is all that needs to be said. Both focus on big things, as the Saints get big plays on offense and defense, and Gaby likes to purchase big price-tag items. Both rely on their strengths for mostly everything, with Gaby her looks and the Saints their offense. Both are a little more diverse than given credit for, as Gaby is a much more stable loving woman than seen, and the Saints with a much better running game than given credit for.

New York Giants – Bree Van De Kamp

The Giants started out with a Bree Van De Kamp efficiency last season, but much like Bree in her personal life, they fell apart. For the Giants, it was a lack of coverage; for Bree, it was her lack of understanding. Now, they seem a bit lost. Actually, Bree is lost, losing her husband again, but you know that both will find their way, recover, and lord over the league with a classy, efficiency again.

New York Jets – Maisy Gibbons

Both were solid performers, but like Maisy Gibbons, the Jets seem too perfect. Maisy was also a cocky bitch, which makes her much like the Jets, with their mouths cashing checks that no one can cash. Of course, Maisy’s image blew up completely when she was outed as a dominatrix. Of course, there probably is no NFL equivalent for that, but there is a high percentage of a blow-up.

Oakland Raiders – Caleb Applewhite

Counted out from the beginning, Caleb, as with the Raiders, was thought to be a maniacal, retarded murderer (for the Raiders, murderers of careers). Both lived in a black (basement) hole, locked up. Of course, Caleb ended up being innocent, and truly a good person, but no one would give him the time of day, much like the Raiders, who are finally competent but no one will take them seriously.

Philadelphia Eagles – Porter Scavo

Solid kid and team, one huge mistake may ruin each one of their lives. For Porter, it was his decision to marry a gold-digging Russian girl. For the Eagles, it was to marry their chances to a unexperienced quarterback. Porter Scavo was finally shown the error of his ways, but he broke down because of it. The same thing could easily happen to the Eagles, especially this year.

Pittsburgh Steelers – Tom Scavo

Solid, all-american man paired with the all-american team. Of course, both have suffered their indiscretions, like Tom bringing his love-child into the fray, and the Steelers’ Roethlisberger bringing his love-stick into the fray. However, both are home-town guys, blue-collar guys, and while make some mistakes, stick to their image and roots.

San Diego Chargers – Paul Young

They seem solid on the outside, but there is something dark about each. For Paul, it was his past, as he changed his name, assisted a murder, strangled another woman and went to jail. For the Chargers, it is them choking away playoff games and having a long trail of contract squabbles and being lorded over by a dark GM who is ready to murder any contract or tie to a player. Paul has seemingly turned his life around, so hopefully the Chargers can join him.

San Francisco 49ers – Karen McClusky

The old reliable. The 49ers are the McClusky of the NFL because they seem to live in an old age. They love to run the ball. Their coach is a hard-ass who threw his best player out of a game. However, much like McCluskey’s ability to provide caring and wisdom to the residents of the lane, there is something idyllic about the old-school approach the 49ers take to running their team.

Seattle Seahawks – Bob and Lee

No, it is not because Seattle or the Hawks are gay, but because they are probably the funniest bunch in the league, whether intentional or not. Watching Pete Carroll say that he did not run away from USC due to their impending sanctions is high, high comedy. Matt Hasselbeck is always funny. Bob and Lee are really only there for their humor in their character, much like the Seahawks.

St. Louis Rams – Sophie Bremmer

Well past her prime, Bremmer (Susan’s young mom) is trying to recapture her glory years, but is doing so by attaching herself to and old guy, much like the Rams are desperate to recapture their glory years, but have finally accepted doing so by attaching themselves to and old pillar: a young, franchise, QB. Hopefully, Bradford can do for the Rams what Morty did for Sophie.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Alma Hodge

Like Bremmer and the Rams, the Bucs are trying to recapture their glory. Unlike them, the Bucs and Hodge aren’t trying anything new, but are desperate to do exactly what they did before. The Bucs are trying to build a dominant defense again, just like last time. Alma did the same thing, trying to recapture her lover Orson the same way she tried to lure him last time, by having a baby. Didn’t work for Alma, we’ll see about the Bucs. The new Bucs do have the mediocre QB part of the formula right.

Tennessee Titans – Julie Mayer

Julie started out as the princess of the show. She matured from cute to pretty to beautiful, much like the Fisher era. It started cute, with three straight 8-8 seasons, to beautiful (13-3, 13-3, 11-5, 12-4 from 1999-2003). However, when Julie moved back on the lane in Season 6, she was a new woman, with the shine of the perfect teen gone. She was a lover of a married man, and a strangler victim. Fisher’s teams aren’t shiny and new anymore, and the era might finally be over.

Washington Redskins – Betty Applewhite

Betty Applewhite was devious, as she used her fake calm persona to deceive the members of the lane that she was housing a criminal. Of course, the criminal ended up being her son that she cherished, instead of the one she locked in her doghouse. Shanahan is the same, cherishing McNabb, who might be the next criminal (in terms that his performance will steal money from fans), while the person in his doghouse (rymes with “Shmanesworth”), is a true star to be cherished, but his devious plan will stop that.


There it is, the whole league, cast as the characters from America's favorite show about women housewives. By the way, I guess it goes to figure that Lynnette is my favorite (plus the one who if I had a choice I would marry). That's not the only reason the Colts are her, though, just most of the reason.

Monday, August 2, 2010

10 Reasons Why The NFL Rules All

The NFL is back, as I’ve noted quite a few times by now, but more than that, sanity is back in sports. The King of the USA Sports scene is back. The collective sports-loving portion of the country can go back to forgetting about soccer, go back to forgetting about the NBA and their overpaid, immature thugs, and go back to loving the real sport. So, in that vein (although I will go back to loving soccer, not forgetting it), here are the top-10 reasons for why The NFL is the King of Sports in the USA.



10.) It is violent, but not deadly

And this goes hand in hand to why football fan’s tolerate steroids in the NFL, because the sport is based on hitting. The essential act in football is a tackle, and when it is at its most violent perfect best (think Ray Lewis slamming Darren Sproles on that 4th-down last season) there is nothing more beautiful in sports. We love violence, but more exactly, we love violence that involves others through the protection of a glass screen in a box. Every time Ray Lewis lines up a running back, or Jared Allen spins down a quarter back, we all subconsciously (or in some cases consciously) imagine that being us, and the pitiable offensive player being some enemy, or co-worker that is getting their ass kicked. There is a reason that “Jacked Up” used to be the best part of ESPN’s Monday Night Countdown. If they took the hitting out of football, it would turn into basketball, and turn into a joke.

9.) It is short and sweet

I used to hate the fact that the NFL was only 16 games long (plus postseason), and that games would only take place on at most three days of the week. It was like a parent withholding chocolate from a five-year old. I wanted football, I wanted it now, but I had to wait six more days for it to come. Well, now I realize just how brilliant that idea was. Waiting for football, having those days in-between to discuss it, break it down, review and relive games, and just emotionally get over the previous game and get ready for the upcoming one makes the week fly by. It also makes me savor every single Sunday for 5 months. The NFL is really akin to a 10 hour TV show. It comes on once-a-week, it is packed with drama, and at the end of the season, leaves you wanting, needing, crying for more. This is my biggest reason to oppose whatever expanded schedule plans Roger “Owner’s Lackey” Goodell has for the league.

8.) The NFL Red Zone Channel

Really, this makes the NFL so much better. Of course, when those rare mid-day Sunday games come about that deserve special treatment (like this year’s Week 10 Pats-Colts game on CBS), that game will get exclusive viewing rights, but if not, the Red Zone Channel is just another way the NFL can flaunt its own brilliance. No other sport can have this channel, because no other sport has the pauses in between the action where it can switch seamlessly through games, run games simultaneously, and give updates. The Red Zone Channel is really the NFL’s gift to the world. The NFL is always accused of being cheap when it comes to giving the fans what they want, but making the Red Zone Channel available to non-Direct TV costumers is just what the NFL needed to do to get back in the good graces of the fans.

7.) It has an uncomparable ability to flaunt its offseason

Now that baseball teams are smarter at locking up their young stars, which has in turn cooled off the MLB-Hot Stove considerably, the NFL now has the best offseason, and much through self-promotion. The NFL has been able to pump-up its own draft by making it televised at an early stage, allowing fans free tickets to the event to create a fun atmosphere. NFL Free-Agency is mostly a dud, but creating the Restricted-Free Agent rule and making it much more easily understandable and widely used than the similar entity in all the other sports, makes so many more people “free agents.” It allows media to dwell on if Jared Gaither will get traded. The NFL has now made its offseason the best offseason in sports, which is a feat. That used to be the last domain that baseball had an edge, but no longer.

6.) Instant Replay

Sure, the other sports have it now, at least in some forms (except, of course, for the biggest sport in the world), and granted, hockey might do it better than football, but no sport has been so positively impacted by instant replay than football. The NFL has milked its challenge system to create even more drama. It has also helped highlight the referees. Now, instead of just the old questions of “How did the official call holding there?” or whatnot, there is a new question, “How did the referee overturn that call?” like every non-New Englander asked when Walt Coleman overturned Brady’s fumble because of the tuck rule. Instant Replay also goes hand-in-hand with the NFL’s ability to admit that their referees makes mistakes, and make them quite often. Even the NFL Referees are the biggest referees in any sport, and unlike in basketball where referees have ruined the game to some, the referees never are blamed for losses, are never the centerpieces of a game, but a very interesting sideshow.

(And no, I did not forget about Super Bowl XL, where the referees did screw over that game, but I like to forget that that game ever happened.)

5.) It is so easy to play at a Grassroots Pick-Up level

Sure, to play a game with lineman and the like might be difficult, but who plays pick-up football with offensive lineman? Football is one sport where all you need is a ball and an open area. That is it. One ball and one space to throw that ball. 3-3, 5-5, 11-11, it doesn’t matter as long as you have the one ball. I started playing pick-up tackle football weekly 5 years ago. It started with just about 10 of us, and it grew to about 30 within a couple weeks. There was no discriminating, no qualifications that were necessary. Just come clothed and ready to work, and you were fine. The biggest problem with baseball, and especially hockey, is that it is not easy to just set up in play. Baseball needs bats, gloves, and a legitimate amount of people (4 or more, and 4-6 is stretching it). Hockey needs a goal, sticks. Even basketball needs a court, a basket. Football? Again, a ball and a field is all that it requires.

4.) They have NFL Films

NFL Films is probably only a success because attaching anything to the NFL is probably a good recipe for just that, but the NFL Films folks have definitely helped the NFL grow. A lot of NFL moments are best known not in their TV broadcast form, but in the NFL films form, which is a marked difference than most other sports. If you think about the biggest moments in baseball, like Kirk Gibson hitting the home run off Eckersley, or even more recently, Luis Gonzalez hitting the bloop single to win the 2001 World Series, the highlights caught in time are off their TV broadcast. In football, moments from the old (the Immaculate Reception), to the new (Kevin Dyson being tackled at the 1-yard line by Mike Jones) are all captured in time forever by NFL Films, and set to the most beautiful orchestral music you can imagine. Think about that, the NFL is so big, they can align their sport with Orchestral music, and have it do well (unlike the NBA, whose highlight’s often run along rap, and is faltering).

3.) They have the biggest stars

LeBron can dispute this all he wants, but the stars in the NFL still lord over the rest of the sports landscape. This wasn’t so in the last century, as Jordan was bigger than any NFL player, but the roles are definitely reversed now. After LeBron’s decision pulled down a 9.4 rating or whatever, media members went gaga, saying how “he was the only athlete that could command that audience for a decision.” Pure Shit. He’s the only athlete so in love himself that he would do that. If Peyton Manning decided to not sign any contract extension this year, and then the Colts somehow don’t franchise him, he’s a free-agent, just like LeBronious. If he then decides to hold a one-hour special, it would be one of the top-10 veiwed programs of the year, even if it was on a 5 AM. Hell, two years ago ESPN and the NFL Network set up a remote location in Hattiesburg for two solid months to see if Favre was coming back, and that is not even a contrived scenario. The NFL coverage is so much more than any other sport. The coverage about a NFL Player who shot himself (Plax – if you don’t remember) outshined the coverage given to the NBA for a very real refereeing scandal with a ref taking bribes from mobsters. Yeah, I think the NFL has the media star portion of the sports’ world covered.

2.) The Super Bowl

Speaking of media, there is the Super Bowl, which makes the World Series look like a Sunday Morning bass-fishing competition. What’s here to say that hasn’t already been shown. For two whole weeks, it really is a media-sports tryst. It is the greatest and most neauseating even in the world. From the commercials, to the anthem, to halftime, to the lingerie bowl, to the supermarkets making trillions on Guacamole and Doritos, to the gambling, to the prop-bets, to the real-bets, to the six-hour pregame, to NFL Networks’ 10 Hour live Total Acess’ for the entire two weeks in between, to everything else, nothing is a greater spectacle than the two weeks following the Conference Title Games and leading up to the Lombardi Trophy presentation. Honestly, not even the World Cup Final comes close to the sheer build up of the Super Bowl. If there is anything the NFL has over the other sports is that it can make its Championship Game into an entertainment and mainstream weeklong celebration. The NFL shouldn’t be prouder of itself for anything, except its….

1.) Parity

Baseball likes to think it has parity (because only one team has won multiple times in the last 10 years, and other mindless driveling facts Bud likes to throw out), but no sport has the parity in the truest sense like football. Sure, there are teams that win a lot seemingly every year, like the Colts, Pats, Steelers and Eagles now, the four best teams of the 2000s. But those teams are constantly changing. The 49ers won at least 10 games for 17 straight seasons, making eight NFC Titale Games in that span and making and winning five Super Bowls. Well, five years after that streak ended, they went 2-14, and now haven’t made the playoffs in eight years. The Saints were absolutely horrible for decades, now they have made the NFC Title Game twice in four years and won a Super Bowl. Sure, there are NFL fans today who have no recollection of the Raiders being a juggernaut (since I wouldn’t count the 99-02 Raiders as a juggernaut, I would be included in this), but from 1966-1986 they were probably the most consistently great franchise in the league. Most NFL fans today haven’t seen the Browns be good. However, that is compared to the NBA, in which no NBA fans have seen the Clippers be good. The league really is cyclical. The Colts have won 12 games for seven straight years, but before Manning came, they won 12 games one time since Unitas left. The NFL will never have a money imbalance like the MLB, even if they stop revuenue sharing, because the difference between the highest revenue team (Cowboys) and the lowest (Jaguars) isn’t even as big as the difference between the Yankees and the Red Sox (#2 in baseball). Also, no NFL stars would ever be able to pull the shit LeBron just did and ruin the competitiveness of the league. For each of the last 13 seasons, one NFL playoff team lost at least 10 games the previous year. That would be like if each year a MLB playoff team lost 90 games the year before, or there was always one NBA playoff team lost at least 50 the year before. No sport offers the hope the the NFL does. They used to say that Hope Springs Eternal in baseball each and every spring. Now, it does each and every August, when the NFL TV Show is finally back, ready to surprise us, taunt us, humor us and haunt us.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Top 200 in the NFL: 100-1

OK, Let's do this. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MORE FOOTBALL?!?!?!



100.) David Harris, MLB, Jets – He is the Ray Lewis in the Jets’ defense, not Bart Scott. He has sideline-to-sideline speed, comes off blocks well, and can rush the passer at good efficiency. If he can improve a little bit, the Ray Lewis comparisons might have merit based on play too.

99.) Jason Witten, TE, Cowboys – His best days are behind him, which is why he finds himself barely in the top-100. He has lost the explosiveness that he used to has. Good possession tight end, though.

98.) Dominique Rodgers–Cromartie, CB, Cardinals – With the shine wearing off from the other Cromartie, DRC has risen above his namesake. His ball skills were always good, as was his speed. His coverage is now meriting inclusion in the top-10 corner discussion, if not top-5.

97.) Brian Orakpo, DE, Redskins – Lost in the mess that was the 2009 Redskins, was Brian Orakpo’s amazing rookie season. Without much help from the other side, Orakpo piled up big plays as a rookie.

96.) Jarius Byrd, S, Bills –
The 9 interceptions look nice, but that will definitely not happen again. However, his play being consistently good and his positioning being consistently around the ball will, and considering there is little else in Buffalo, that is more than enough.

95.) Lance Briggs, OLB, Bears – He is at the age where he is what he is: a solid, but not great player. He was one, and his reaction speed is still there, but he is not the physical presence he once was. Having Peppers in front, and Urlacher back beside him will help though.

94.) Andre Gurode, C, Cowboys – The real star of the Cowboys’ o-line, the man once known as the face that met Haynesworth’s cleat, is now turning heads with great play anchoring the Cowboys’ o-line. He might not have the notoriety that his linemates do, but he’s better.

93.) Shawntae Spencer, CB, 49ers – Nate Clements makes the money, but Shawntae makes the plays. He finally stayed healthy, and his play skyrocketed with that renewed physical health. He’s a physical corner with the speed to run stride-for-stride with anyone.

92.) Aaron Kampman, DE, Jaguars – He is coming off an ACL injury, plus he is anything but young, but playing back in his familiar 4-3, Kampman will be able to finally put bite in that Jaguars’ pass rush.

91.) Nick Barnett, MLB, Packers – His great play as a central linebacker is what allows Clay Matthews and Brady Poppinga to not worry about the run. He has been consistently good for half a decade now.

90.) Robert Mathis, DE, Colts – He might not be able to carry the pass-rush without Freeney, but he can certainly be the best complementary pass-rusher in the league. The best at the strip-sack in the NFL as well.

89.) Osiomogho Atogwe, S, Rams – He is now overrated. It is pretty easy to get tackles as a safety when your front seven cannot stop anyone. However, if he ever gets the chance to play for a competitive team, he might be able to justify the hype.

88.) Chad Ochocinco, WR, Bengals – He might be undervalued since Carson had no one else to throw to in ’09, but with TO in the fold as the possession guy, he might just see an uptick in his explosiveness.

87.) Eric Wright, CB, Browns – On a defense with no-names (David Veikune?), Eric Wright stands out. His cover skills allow the Brown to not be consistently blown out. Just think, when was the last time any receiver had a huge day against the Browns?

86.) Michael Roos, T, Titans – There is a reason Chris Johnson can grate out yards. Sure, he has the explosive speed, but he also has a pair of great tackles, the first being Mr. Michael Roos. He wasn’t as good in 2009, but a lot of that has to do with Kerry Collins being immobile early in the season.

85.) Darren Sharper, S, Saints – There is almost no way he puts up the same takeaway/TD numbers this year, but he still has the instincts to break up plays and serve as a great last line of defense. His play also lifts the other members of that defense.

84.) Domata Peko, DT, CIN – After Antwan Odom blew out his knee, many pundits saw the Bengals d-line going to hell. It didn’t and the hairy Samoan named Peko is the primary reason why. His play was great, and now getting Odom back should just make him better.

83.) Aaron Smith, DT, Steelers – He also missed major time last year, and it was his injury that coincided with the Steelers free-fall late last year. The Steelers really missed his presence in run support, as he gets great penetration.

82.) Michael Turner, RB, Falcons – With the ‘Curse of 370’ finally off him, we can expect him to stay reasonably healthy, and what is scary is that the partially injured Turner put up good numbers last year.

81.) Jeff Otah, T, Panthers – He played really well last year at RT, and really well in 2008 at LT, and I would guess that put him at guard and he would still open gigantic holes for DeAngelo and J-Stewart.

80.) Terrell Suggs, OLB, Ravens – In year one of his big contract, he was a small disappointment. He still is great against the run, but his pass-rushing hasn’t been the Suggs that once terrorized the league from 2006-2007. The Ravens Defensive Coordinator pledges to blitz more, which could see Suggs take off.

79.) Wes Welker, WR, Patriots – He has been cleared to practice fully, but I still fear him getting anywhere near 100% Wes Welker in 2010. His game was built almost entirely on precise, quick cuts, which will really test that knee. Tom Brady needs him, though, as his passer rating in 2009 without Wes was 65.7.

78.) Lofa Tatupu, MLB, Seahawks – He was injured for almost all of last year, but it was not as serious at that would seem. He was after his rookie season a perfect Tampa-2 MLB. He still is, but Carroll will use him differently.

77.) Brett Favre, QB, Vikings – Since expected future performance is part of this, and it is unreasonable to expect another 33/7 TD/INT season since he hasn’t done that ever before last year, I think it is safe to say that year-2 in Minny won’t be as pretty as year one.

76.) Will Smith, DE, Saints – Terrorrizing pass rusher, who can crush weaker tackles, but does struggle slightly against the premier tackles in this game. Health and age are concerns.

75.) Aubrayo Franklin, DT, 49ers – He is the unsung hero of the 49ers defense. Patrick Willis is a tackle machine, and it is because Franklin requires double teams, and is arguable the top space eater in football.

74.) Jared Gaither, T, Ravens – The Ravens seemingly wanted to get rid of him, which raised questions about his work ethic and the like, but no question was raised on his ability. He had giant shoes to fill, and has filled them quite admirably. I do not think Michael Oher will do a better job as the LT.

73.) LaMarr Woodley, OLB, Steelers – LaMarr Woodley bided his time on the bench, learned the trade for a couple years, and when he got his degree from LeBeau U, he got on the starting lineup, and has beasted ever since. Has great pass-rushing technique.

72.) Jonathan Joseph, CB, Bengals – One half of the league’s best CB tandem, Jonathan Joseph is the slightly less impactful but slightly more steady of the duo. His major strength is his ability to read and react to route development.

71.) Justin Tuck, DE, Giants – The man who was cast in gold for blowing up Logan Mankins back in Super Bowl XLII, Justin Tuck is still a fearsome pass rusher, but he doesn’t have the support around him to leave him single-blocked.

70.) Donovan McNabb, QB, Redskins – Mike Shanahan knows how to coach older QBs, and although the fit between a historically un-West Coach Offense McNabb and Coach Shanny seems to not gel, John Elway was never the most accurate QB in the league either.

69.) Harvey Dahl, G, Falcons – The Falcons “dirty” guard is arguably the most underrated interior lineman in the league. His ability to hope holes through the middle, as well as keep the pocket clean up the middle for Matt Ryan, arguably makes him the Falcons’ most underrated as well.

68.) Logan Mankins, G, Patriots – Despite his aforementioned beating in Super Bowl XLII, Mankins has been a quality player from day 1. He’s not going to make any huge mistakes, and on a line that is getting older and, quite frankly, less good, his stability is what anchors the Pats up-front.

67.) Ray Lewis, MLB, Ravens – In 2009, he was back to normal Ray, but I hate that the media thinks this is a Ray Lewis resurgence. They said the same thing in 2006 and 2008. Enough already. Just chalk Ray Lewis playing great to Ray Lewis being an all-time great.

66.) Karlos Dansby, MLB, Dolphins – He did yoeman’s work for the Cardinals, bolstering a very transient lB corp, and he fits perfectly in the middle of the Dolphins’ 3-4. Parcells loves him, for good reason.

65.) Steve Smith, WR, Panthers – He played well last year with Matt Moore as the QB, and is just two years off from a 1400 yd season. The explosiveness is still there. Durability is a slight question, as is that ever-lingering question of will he ever get any real receiving help.

64.) Antoine Bethea, S, Colts – Arguably the best low-draft selection by Polian, Bethea has become an all-pro free safety, period. With Bob Sanders in and out of the lineup, he is know the most crucial player in the Colts secondary.

63.) Antwan Odom, DE, Bengals – He was a monster before his injury last year, and reports are that he is tearing it up in camp again. He will greatly benefit from the rest of the d-line being better now than what they were when he piled up 8 sacks in 6 games.

62.) Elvis Dumervil, OLB, Broncos – He was able to end up doing something that few other could do in Denver: play well after their 6-0 start. As the team crashed and burned, he rose his play. Of course he doesn’t play the run all that well, but my God can he rush the passer.

61.) Carson Palmer, QB, Bengals – When he needed to be, he was pretty good in 2010, leading fourth quarter comebacks against the Steelers and Ravens primarily through the air. The biggest concern is that elbow of his, but if he stays healthy, with new weapons, he can have a nice rebound year.

60.) Vincent Jackson, WR, Chargers – It will be interesting to see in the first three games if he was a product of Rivers or if it is the other way around. His ability to use his body to shield defenders when catching the deep ball is amazing. He also has great balance when jumping.

59.) Trent Cole, DE, Eagles – Probably a little underrated, he has been a consistent pass rusher since 2006. Cole has been able to pick up the slack for the departed pass rushers of Eagles yore. Of course, having two mammoth DTs suck on blockers helps.

58.) Roddy White, WR, Falcons – He is Matt Ryan’s best friend, but more than that, he is a damn good football player. He, like most of the other Falcons, had a down year, but with a healthy QB and RB, White should complete the triplets to the tune of what he had in 2008.

57.) Adrian Wilson, S, Cardinals – He is no longer a secret in the desert, and with aging he is no longer the fierce physical presence that he used to be, but Wilson remains one of the league’s most versatile and instinctive players.

56.) Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys – His numbers were fine, but the shine of the totals offset some problems, mainly being his ineffectiveness in the red zone. The Cowboys in general had a hard time punching it in, but the problems started at the QB position, where Romo couldn’t deal with the tighter windows.

55.) Randy Moss, WR, Patriots – There seem to be two school’s of thought on Moss. One is that he has mentally checked out and is done, the other being that he is set for a bounce back season. Honestly, neither is totally accurate. He doesn’t have the consistent speed to be the same, but he is still a 10 td guy.

54.) Jeff Saturday, C, Colts – On what may be the league’s most hard-to-judge o-line, Saturday is the only one that needs no judgment. He’s great, that is all. He is good at run-blocking, great at pass-blocking, and most importantly, can keep up with the changes Manning makes and direct his offensive line.

53.) Owen Daniels, TE, Texans – He was on pace for a monster season before he got hurt, and his injury might actually help him. Jacoby Jones developed greatly after his injury, which could clear out more space where Daniels can do his best Dallas Clark impression. Obviously, that ACL is still a concern.

52.) Ray Rice, RB, Ravens – He is in the Maurice Jones-Drew mold, as a receiver and runner. Although being called physical, he still dances and is too often stopped before the line, however, that is offset by an explosiveness unmatched in Baltimore.

51.) John Beason, OLB, Panthers –
He is dropped from a top-30 player solely because he is now playing a new position after Thomas Davis’ injury, but Beason is a tackle machine. He has great ability to hem in runners and has perfect tackling form.

50.) Greg Jennings, WR, Packers – The top-50 is headed by Aaron Rodgers’ best weapon. His TD numbers have suspiciously dropped since Favre left in 2008, but his other raw numbers and metrics stay the same. He has the explosiveness that reminds me of a young Chad Johnson.

49.) Jabari Greer, CB, Saints – I will say this about the Bills. They can draft and develop corners. Too bad none of them are still on the Bills. Greer is the latest example. He was brilliant in 2009 for the Saints but got hurt, again, which of course is a sign that he is a true Bills player, as fragile as he is talented.

48.) Richard Seymour, DT, Raiders – He did not become a fat, lazy slob, as most thought he would after being shipped over to Oakland. No, instead he had a better year than he did in 2008 in New England. He can still get good pressure on the QB, which should only increase with the addition of John Henderson.

47.) Ryan Clady, T, Broncos – He is a little too penalty prone (not too serious), and too injured (serious) to get to where his blocking would merit him, but Clady is still one of the best young LTs in the game, at least as far as run blocking is concerned.

46.) Jay Ratliff, DT, Cowboys – He had his best season yet in 2009. He probably can’t get any better, in fact he is probably due to come down a little bit, but even that is good enough for a spot in the top-50. He is still easily the best pass-rushing NT in the game today.

45.) Steve Hutchinson, G, Vikings – Age may finally be catching up to Hutch, which only means that instead of being the best guard in the game, he is one of the best. I’m sure Adrian Peterson still loves him, though.

44.) Matt Schaub, QB, Texans – He wasn’t just finally healthy, he was not the victim of an illegal hit finally. In a pass-friendly offense, Schaub took it to heights that probably even surprised him. If he can get a healthy Owen Daniels back, look for Schaub to go even higher, at least as TD/INT is concerned.

43.) Steven Jackson, RB, Rams – You have to give a guy credit for playing so hard and so well for a lousy team. He has taken a pounding the last three years, and he hasn’t been the healthiest guy, so there are fears that he might not be around by the time the Rams talent catches up to him, and that is surely sad.

42.) Reggie Wayne, WR, Colts – He didn’t have the greatest end to last season, but he had one of his better regular seasons to date. He is still Manning’s most consistent and trusted receiver on the team, ad his precise route running is still there.

41.) Chris Snee, G, Giants – With the Giants o-line faltering at the tackle positions, Snee has picked it up the last two seasons. His ability to get a push on running plays is up there with any player in the league.

40.) DeAngelo Williams, RB, Panthers – He has a great o-line in front of him and has to split carries, but his talent is undeniable. He has put together two straight great years. His 5.1 career ypc is the highest of any back since 1990, higher than even Barry Sanders, and with that blocking, it could stay that way.

39.) Leon Hall, CB, Bengals – He’s the big play one out of the tandem, the more naturally gifted corner. Leon Hall has developed just like the Bengals hoped he would. Now all that remains is for him to sign that extension to stay a Bengal for a long, long time. (Paging Mr. Brown….. Mr. Brown???)

38.) Antonio Gates, TE, Chargers – He’s the same statistical monster he always has been, getting over 1,000 yds again and what not. However, much like the rest of his team, there is just something about him that makes him hard to trust in the clutch. Either way, the most athletically talented TE is as good as ever.

37.) Vince Wilfork, DT, Patriots – The big man was resigned to a nice fat extension, and he’ll try to do what he always does, throw his fat around to suck up blockers, clog up running lanes, and basically make the lives of Ty Warren and whoever the hell is now replacing Richard Seymour’s lives easier. Same as always.

36.) David Stewart, T, Titans – The best right tackle in the game, and the man more responsible than the man himself for Chris Johnson’s 2,000 yd season, David Stewart just gets better.

35.) Dallas Clark, TE, Colts – Yes, I think he is more important to the Colts than Reggie Wayne. He is the real difference maker now. What he gives the Colts is a dynamic versatility that the top wideout doesn’t. He stays healthy, he stays fast, he runs great routes and Peyton have made their brains surgically attached.

34.) DeMeco Ryans, MLB, Texans – His ability to tackle makes him second in line to replace Ray Lewis as the league’s next iconic MIKE Linebacker. Since his team’s defense has yet to match his, he is somehow underrated. He does struggle to get off blocks in the second level, though.

33.) Jordan Gross, T, Panthers – The last of four players on the Panthers offensive line is their most integral. He has turned into an excellent blindside protector, which makes him all the more valuable, with Matt Moore now the QB he will protecting. The Panthers have the best o-line in football, period.

32.) Charles Woodson, CB, Packers – He probably shouldn’t have been the defensive player of the year last year, but he was sensational. His late career resurgence in Green Bay is quite remarkable. I’m sure Al Davis rues the day he let Woodson walk and didn’t give him the chance to team with Asomugha.

31.) Mario Williams, DE, Texans – He had a bit of a down year, but mostly since the rest of team’s ability to bring pressure dropped off mightily, allowing teams to double him. With the other guys finally healthy, he is primed for a monster 2010.

30.) Eli Manning, QB, Giants – He finally became a pure top-10 QB in 2009, and amazingly did it with a receiving corp that was anything but settled. His connection with the other Steve Smith would make his brother and Marv proud. He’s gotten to the point that the pass offense is arguably the Giants’ best unit.

29.) Darnell Dockett, DT, Cardinals – His monster 2008 playoffs was no fluke. He was a monster inside for the Cards, getting amazing penetration. He is equally adept at stuffing the run, and his presence allowed Calais Campbell to excel beside him. He is the second most active defensive tackle in the league.

28.) Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jaguars – He is still the best multi-purpose running back in the NFL. His blocking isn’t what it was from 2006-2007, so his numbers aren’t as astronomical, but he is still an extremely dangerous receiving threat from the backfield.

27.) Jahri Evans, G, Saints – The best guard in the game, Evans is what any guard should be: mean, nasty and tough. He’s not known for a pass blocker (although he is quite good at that too), but for a run-blocker. He gets extremely good push in front, and Payton trusts him enough to single block noses.

26.) Calvin Johnson, WR, Lions – Megatron could easily be up near the top-10 in one year, but his 2009 was disappointing. This is a man who had 1,300 yards for an 0-16 team. The fact that he was dragged down by Stafford’s iffy performance is interesting. However, he still is a freak of physical nature.

25.) Jared Allen, DE, Vikings – He is a little overhyped, as even his numbers were padded by 7 sacks against the Packers (and 8 in 14 other games), but he is probably the best pass-rushing end against the run. He is able to stop the run on his relentless path to the QB, something that can’t be said for other DE’s.

24.) James Harrison, OLB, Steelers – Just like Mr. Allen above him, Harrison is the best edge-rushing 3-4 LB at stuffing the run as well. He simply cannot be single blocked, as he holds the edge to well. Teams would be better off just not running towards number 92.

23.) Nick Mangold, C, Jets – The real key to the Jets o-line that paved the way for the number 1 running game in the NFL, Mangold has the run-blocking skills of a guard, the pass-protection skills of a tackle and the smarts of a QB. His push inside is the primary reason why the Jets were the 2nd best team in the league at running up the middle and in 3rd or 4th and 1.

22.) Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings – He is not the same back that ran for all those yards in his rookie and sophomore campaign, and his ypc-average is down to 4.4 from 5.6 (as a rookie), which should show signs that he has peaked. But even if he has peaked, that peak is quite high. He still fumbles too much, but even that is negated easily by his strength and ability to pick up crucial yards and find the end zone.

21.) Julius Pepers, DE, Bears – If 11 sacks is a down year for Peppers, like last year, then that is the mark of a true great. He gets dogged for taking plays off, but mostly because he has the talent to get 2 sacks a game, so if he doesn’t , then people view it as not trying. He will work wonders under Rod Marinelli and the Bears d-line. Aaron Rodgers, Brett Favre and Matt Stafford, watch out.

20.) Aaron Rodgers, QB, Packers – Speaking of Aaron Rodgers, everyone seems to be getting a little too excited. Sure, he had a great statistical season, but he built those stats up from unloading on weaker teams. In his three biggest regular season games (the two with the Vikings, and against the Ravens) he was average. However, he still is getting better. With a harder schedule, it wouldn’t be a surprise if his numbers drop, but that doesn’t mean he’s playing any worse.

19.) Patrick Willis, MLB, 49ers – The best MLB in the game is a tackling machine, with the added benefit of being able to cover tight ends. He also has the instincts that make him even the more better. However, he doesn’t have the impact on those around him like Ray Lewis did, but there are no Ray Lewis’ out there (except for the man himself). I probably shouldn’t knock him for being 80% of the best MLB of all time.

18.) Kevin Williams, DT, Vikings – The better half of the Williams wall, Kevin plays so well as a pocket pusher and pass-rusher. His numbers against the pass are amazing. He also swallows up the run like none other. Of course, having the mammoth that is Pat Williams next to him helps, but you get the feeling he is the real deal by himself. He is Albert Haynesworth 2.0.

17.) Ed Reed, S, Ravens – Age is catching up to Ed, but that doesn’t stop the Boss from being brilliant as usual. Although he might start the season on the PUP list, the injury itself is not as serious as an ACL type. Ed still is instinctively the best safety in football. The Ravens do suffer with him out, but oddly, the run defense suffers. Probably because the LBs have to care more about stopping the pass if Ed is absent. I really hope this is not his last season, but even if it is, he has to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

16.) Nnamdi Asomugha, CB, Raiders – He lost the title of the best Corner in football, but he still has it for most dominant. Teams don’t even throw his way unless the receiver is wide open. QBs don’t even look his way. With the pass rush on the Raiders improving, and the rest of the secondary along with it, he might have a bigger impact than even before, in that he might get thrown at 50 times, not 30.

15.) Chris Johnson, RB, Titans – Yes, the top ranked RB is No. 15, and mainly because running back is just not one of the 5 most important positions on the field. Plus, his high carry count and lithe frame makes him a prime candidate for injury, nevermind his insane numbers making him a prime candidate for regression. That all said, there is no better running back, and no more explosive player in the league. Guys drafted with insane 40 times rarely succeed, but CJ2K is not only succeeding but setting records.

14.) Joe Thomas, T, Browns – He is slightly overrated, as he is too penalty prone to be considered a top-10 player, and his run-blocking is not the best, but he is a brick wall in pass-blocking. Against the Steelers, he shut down James Harrison twice. If ever he had a QB worth protecting, he might get even better.

13.) Haloti Ngata, DT, Ravens – The Mountainous Tongan, Ngata has become the most athletically gifted interior lineman in the league, easily. He has the speed to chase down QBs and RBs in the backfield. He is strong enough to shed double teams. He is athletic enough to return interceptions for touchdowns. He is great enough to actually outshine Ed Reed and Ray Lewis. It is Ngata’s defense now.

12.) Tom Brady, QB, Patriots – Some say that because of the defenses he faced, Brady was underrated last year. I say BS. He was very Aaron Rodgers-esque, in that if he got into a tight game, he turned to mush in the 4th quarter. He was brilliant in quarters 1-3 (save for that Wild Card game), but gave away too much in the 4th. If Wes Welker is not 100%, it will be interesting to see how Brady can go along.

11.) Troy Polamalu, S, Steelers – He was arguably the biggest singly injury in the NFL last year, as his departure ruined the top defense in the NFL. The Flowin’ Samoan was his usual great self when he was in, and luckily for him and the Steelers, his injury is not of the nagging variety, but his health, which was sterling before 2009, should be watched. With Reed closing in on retirement, Polamalu is now finally the unquestioned best safety in the game.

10.) Dwight Freeney, DE, Colts – The only man that you can argue was a bigger injury than Polamalu was Freeney not being healthy in the Super Bowl. Other than Manning, he is the only player the Colts need if they want to win the Super Bowl. He makes that defense run, he makes them click. He makes Robert Mathis a top-10 DE. He makes the defensive tackles better. His constant pressure (led the league in QB hurries) makes everybody on that defense better.

9.) Philip Rivers, QB, Chargers – His numbers speak for themselves, and apart from the game against the Jets in the playoffs, he plays big in big games (which separates him from Rodgers and Brady right now). Rivers still looks like he is throwing a shot put, but it is a very accurate shot put. He will miss Vincent Jackson, and possible Marcus McNeill, but I believe Chargers fans when they say they trust Philip anyway.

8.) Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Cardinals – He was great with Leinart primarily throwing to him (2006), so he should be fine again. Leinart could use a sure-handed, precise route-running, explosive beast at WR, and in Fitzgerald he has one. What is even scarier is that he is evolving, as late in 2009 he drew up a physicality that was Boldin-esquel.

7.) DeMarcus Ware, OLB, Cowboys – There was no regression from Ware, as he was just as scary and good in 2009. He may not have picked up the same amount of sacks, although matching 20 is almost impossible, his hits and hurries stayed constant, and he also evolved as a player. He is no longer a liability against the run, as he holds the edge much better than before.

6.) Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Steelers – I’m not going to delve into his personal issues, so as a QB Ben Roethlisberger is absolutely deserving of this high praise. They say he doesn’t study and prepare as hard as the other top QBs. Well, if that is true, if he ever turns that part of his game around, look out. His game was finally unleashed in full, and they exploded of the page, with 4,300 yds in 15 games. He still is as evasive and creative inside and outside the pocket. He is still as good as ever.

5.) Jake Long, T, Dolphins – Somehow, Joe Thomas is more universally hailed than Long, but that should absolutely not be the case. Long is almost perfect. With great size and long arms, he can pass block and protect young Chad Henne’s blindside. With great power and a mean streak, he can create holes and block for Rickey Williams and Ronnie Brown. He was a top-pick well spent.

4.) Darrelle Revis, CB, Jets – He had the best season for a CB in my lifetime, sure. I would venture that Nnamdi in 2007 was just as good, but since his team stunk and he never got the opportunity to make picks since no one threw at him. Well, people need to start giving Darrelle the Nnamdi treatment: Just stop throwing at him. Darrelle shut down everyone and anyone, and he faced them all. It needs to be seen if he can approach the 2009 level this season, but if he comes 70% there, he will still be a top-20 NFL Player.

3.) Andre Johnson, WR, Texans – Sure, Darrelle Revis may have shut him down once last year, but one game should not decide this ranking. Andre Johnson has been the best NFL receiver for two straight years. The U has never produced a better wideout (including Michael Irvin), and I really hope they make the playoffs just so I can see Andre Johnson perform on the highest stage.

2.) Drew Brees, QB, Saints – Again, one game doesn’t decide everything. Brees did just have a 4th straight year with good passing numbers, but what was markedly different about the 2009 Drew Brees: his lack of turnovers. He stopped forcing the balling as much in 2009, and the effects were brilliant. There is a movement to call him the best current player, and I would say that too much too soon. However, the fact that he is that conversation is amazing enough considering 4 years ago he came to the Saints as New Orleans was still seemingly underwater.

1.) Peyton Manning, QB, Colts – After a 4th MVP award, a 14-0 start, and doing it all with the league’s worst ranked running game, and not having his #2 and #3 wide receivers from 2008, how can anyone not put Manning on top. Peyton can actually get quite a bit better. As FootballOutsiders said, Peyton had a down year for him, and losing Gonzalez hurt. Gonzalez is back, the RBs are healthy, and he is motivated from that pick to Tracy Porter. He is back to take on the league.


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About Me

I am a man who will go by the moniker dmstorm22, or StormyD, but not really StormyD. I'll talk about sports, mainly football, sometimes TV, sometimes other random things, sometimes even bring out some lists (a lot, lot, lot of lists). Enjoy.