Musings on a Breaking Bad rewatch

Breaking Bad is probably my third favorite show of all time, behind just The Wire and Arrested Development. But in a way it trails those two by a lot. I've rewatched The Wire about 5-6 times since finishing it for a first time in 2011 (granted, only on two of those did I watch Season 5 - honestly, better than I remembered). I've seen every episode of true Arrested Development - e.g. the three FOX seasons - way more than that, though mostly watching them in random order at night. Breaking Bad? Well, going into its final eight episodes (Season 5.2 as I may reference it), I rewatched everything up to taht point. The finale was in 2013, and I think I may have rewatched it once in the intervening years. But definitely not in the last 4-5. Definitely not while I was watching Better Call Saul religiously. So, about three months ago, when it reappeared on NETFLIX, I thought I would fire it up again. So, as I start this in the middle of Season 4, here are my rambling, musing-ish thoughts.

= Season 1 is truly slow. It was known at the time, adn the slowness got us used to how much of the series would be thereafter, but man was those first 3-4 episodes slow. I started watching Breaking Bad originally right as Season 3 was airing, so I never watched Season 1 at the time. I knew going in watching it would be slow. But I have to say, it really does set the tone so well.

= As a whole, the show is a lot funnier than I remember it being - and not just the Jesse and Walt interactions (though more on that in a bit). Mike is far funnier than I remember. Marie is much funnier than I remeber. The random characters are funnier than I remember. Many of the great dramas have a bevy of comedic moments (The Wire similarly so) but for a show that got so into plot, and exactness and moments and, well, drama, Breaking Bad does comedy so well. I want to point this out now, before 

= On the Jesse and Walt part, the good news is the interactions between them were funnier than I remember. The sad part is I had this weird nostalgia for the RV era of the show, before Gus and the Superlab and what-not. Well, it turns out there is way less time in the actual RV than I remembered. Of course, it is the central scene for epics like 4 Days Out ("Wire...!") but for some reason I thought the RV was in like every other episodes. On the funny side, a perfect encapsulation of this is when Walt goes to Jesse to tell him in his drunk/high stupor that the police are investigating Gale's murder. he responds with just a perfect delivery of "uh, duh.". So simple, yet so effective.

= Jesse's house turning into a drunken, hellhole happened way later in the series than I remembered, but I should've realized it was, as it aired aroudn 2011. That summer, one of our friend group had his parent's house to himself in the summer (they were in India). He is a great guy but also has friends that say engage in stuff (pot, mainly). We lived in that house each weekend for a month, really getting the place messed up. Drinking, pot, cigarettes, pizza. It was great. We called it Jesse's House. Those were the days, man.

= What strikes me this go around watching the show is the show's love of fairly lengthy monologues. There are so many, and they are all uniformly so good. Even more than I remembered, it is amazing how many of them are done by Aaron Paul - like his emotional, caustic return to the Narcotics Anonymous 12-step group, when he tells the Problem Dog metaphor. It is amazing work. But in reality, Skylar has more monologues than I remembered as well. The acting is so uniformly amazing on this show, but what elevated it is how much the show did to showcase that.

= One area that plays more fantastical, and to be honest a bit worse, on a repeat viewing is just how insane and convoluted some of the set pieces and situations are. There are so many dues ex machina's and perfect alignment of the stars. Sure, we realized that in the initial Heisenberg moment where Walt blows up Tuco's office and somehow walks out of a fiery building perfectly unscathed. Like none of this is realistic. It's amazing. Some of it are the greatest moments of intense drama in TV history, like the parking lot shootout by Hank. When it is at its best, nothing can top it - but it's basically superhero stuff at times.

= As I reach the back half of Season 4, I'm already a bit sadeneed about what's to come. While the final season of Breaking Bad, particularly the second eight episodes, is universally revered, my main issue with it is I never bought Todd and the Nazi's as a big bad, or at least one that could control Walt the way they did (until of course the finale). Walt stood up and one against the Tuco's, the literal Cartel, and so much more. Anyway, that's to come - my hope is that Breaking Bad Season 5 is better on rewatch the way The Wire Season 5 has become for me.

NFL 2024: Week 2 Power Rankings & The Rest

32.) Carolina Panthers  =  0-1  (10-47)

Man, that was about as bad as it gets, and it already was so bad. I hate to say it, but it seems pretty apparent Bryce Young just doesn't have anything yet. Maybe there's a future, but I think it is far more accurate to say that Drew Brees was just a once in a lifetime player. The worse part really was how awful that defense looked as well.

31.) New York Giants  =  0-1  (6-28)

Daniel Jones needs to be benched. Or I guess if they're going after whoever would be the presumptive #1 pick next year, maybe keep playing him. He's squarely in David Carr territory of just seeing ghosts and being too far gone at this point. The rest of the team is hard to even make judgements on based on how limited that QB is.

30.) Washington Commanders  =  0-1  (20-37)

Jayden Daniels was more poised than I expected, but he really needs to find a way (or I guess the coaches do) to get Terry McLaurin the ball more. The real issue with the Commanders is their defense, which may be one of the worst in the league though. Not surprising, given their fire-sale last year and change of schemes. I guess if there's one positive it would be Jayden will get a lot of passing downs.

29.) Las Vegas Raiders  =  0-1  (10-22)

The offense had some life early but that ended quickly. I wasn't expecting much better - Aidan O'Connell is just too limited at this point. I give another week or two until Davante Adams starts itching for a trade - and to be honest the Raiders should absolutely give him what he wants and get some picks in return. The defense is quite good, but also interesting to watch if Maxx Crosby's quietness was more a result of Joe Alt being great or some age creeping in?

28.) Cleveland Browns  =  0-1  (17-33)

Yuck. I truly hope they just cut / bench Deshaun Watson. Well.. actually I don't want that because I want them to go down in flames even more than already.

27.) Atlanta Falcons  =  0-1  (10-18)

They better hope Kirk Cousin's performance was more rust than a new normal. Also nice to see that even with Arthur Smith gone they still can't maximize the talent around Cousins. Might be nice if they gave any help to their tackles instead of letting TJ Watt basically ruin the entire game. 

26.) Tennessee Titans  =  0-1  (17-24)

For three quarters, I was ready to start considering if the Titans are sneaky playoff contender. But then it all unraveled so spectacularly. Will Levis threw just an atrocious pick. The run game went fully away. The Titans to be honest should ahve won that game, but even then, ahd they won 17-13 or so in an ugly game against the Chicago, I don't think I consider them all too differently. 

25.) Denver Broncos  =  0-1  (20-26)

The positive is the defense is still quite good, and has some serious upside - at minimum it should keep the Broncos in most games. The downside is Bo Nix seemingly can't throw the ball more than 10 yards. Granted, a lot of teams ahd that issue in Week 1 - especially the rookie QBs, but Nix was just so gun-shy, even when he had time. The Broncos gave him OK protection, and he was just so skittish. Hopefully for their sake that is something he can grow out of over time.

24.) Green Bay Packers  =  0-1  (29-34)

The ranking here reflects the knowledge that we'll be struggling through Malik Willis for a month or so. If it gets a bit longer than that we ahve to really worry about what had become a bit of a darling darkhourse NFC contender. That said, even prior to the injury, I was seeing some issues. Their ballyhooed defense was struggling against the pass. Love was more inaccurate than he's been in quite a while. They have talent, but without Love it will be tough to tread water.

23.) Indianapolis Colts  =  0-1  (27-29)

It was one of thsoe games that you wonder how the Colts only lost by two, but also feel they left a good 10 points out on the field. Richardson needs to get more accurate, sure, but there is so much potential there. He reads defenses well, and makes the right decision, but man does he throw too high. Defensive pass rush is great, so it was so surprising to see them just gashed on the groudn. That shouldn't be a recurring problem - we would hope.

22.) Arizona Cardinals  =  0-1  (28-34)

I picked them to get the #7 seed, and I feel better about that prediction today, especially with them moving the ball fairly well, Kyler looking really composed, and Marvin Harrison Jr. having no impact so far. The defense isn't great but gets pressure. Kyler really does look composed and better in that offense.

21.) Cincinnati Bengals  =  0-1  (10-16)

The Bengals just don't start seasons well. Then again, this was probably the best Week 1 performance of the last three years. They were way too conservative (again) against the Patriots, but also moved the ball fairly well. If not for a barely bobbled TD and the fumble at the two yard line, they probably win that game. The run defense has to improve however. That was distressing.

20.) Jacksonville Jaguars  =  0-1  (17-20)

Man they blew that game. The protection issues were present the entire game. Lawrence made some amazing throws, especially the second TD throw. Of course he should get rid of it quicker also, but they just couldn't block. The DL was excellent but corners can't let guys get behind them so much. A lot to like, and in a vacuum we wouldn't expect them to beat Miami in Miami, but when you are two yards away from giing up 24-7 and get outscored instead 13-0 to end the game, it very much hurts.

19.) New York Jets  =  0-1  (19-32)

There's a good chance I'm overrating the Jets here, because I think that highly of a motivated 49ers team playing at their best. What's uplifting about the Jets is that Rodgers arm looked perfectly fine and he has a good rhythm with Wilson. What's dispiriting, and maybe in net terms, more worrying, is that the Jets defense needed to stay at a Top-5 level for the equation to work. They certainly didn't look anything close to that on Monday.

18.) Los Angeles Rams  =  0-1  (20-26)

Hopefully Nucua is out only the four games, because they have a chance to be quite good. I think very highly of Detroit (as you'll see) so palying them to OT while taking on some injuries is a very impressive loss. Stafford looks excellent. Kupp looks fully healthy. If Johnson can give them a reliable third option, they can be a scary offense. The defense is no-names but push the pocket. Good team, tough loss.

17.) Baltimore Ravens  =  0-1  (20-27)

They remain really good on both sides of the ball. I have a standing rule to rank the defending champs #1 until they lose, but even without that I probably have the Chiefs at #1, so makes perfect sense I have the team that played them close on the road as my top 0-1 team. Lamar looks shifty and good. The two TE sets can be dominant. The OL needs to play better, as does the linebacker group without Pat Queen. Some issues to iron out, but this is still a really good team.

Ranking the 1-0 Teams

16.) Chicago Bears  =  1-0  (24-17)

It is hilarious that they draft Caleb Williams, a dynamic player with a ridiculous arm, and win a game with pure Rex Grossman / Kyle Orton 2005 type bullshit. The Bears just stay the Bears. They won't get two defensive / special teams TDs each game. Williams probably also won't be that scattershot again. He does have a special arm.

15.) New England Patriots  =  1-0  (16-10)

If they can run the ball that well, and not turn it over, and get two freak turnovers each game... well maybe if they can do all of that they can win 6-8 games. The OL is still a problem, and the defense is sound but also has no depth. This was a classic "you get shit on all offseason and come out and rally behind your coach" but I just don't see i lasting.

14.) Pittsburgh Steelers  =  1-0  (18-10)

They can't keep doing this man. They can't keep just grinding out just abhorrent, unwatchable games where their defense overmatches some shit offense like that. They somehow did it to 10-7 last year despite being outscored for the season. I can already see that same bullshit happening again. This must end.

13.) Minnesota Vikings  =  1-0  (28-6)

My only real hesitation is we went through this just three years ago with Sam Darnold, as he went 3-0 in Carolina and then the clock struck twelve... There is more talent around him here than there was that year in Carolina, but that's more about the offense. I do want to see how this rejuvenated Flores-led defense plays against defenses that aren't QB'd by the Daniel Jones's of the world.

12.) Seattle Seahawks  =  1-0  (26-20)

I wrote in the first section about how well the Broncos defense looked, and the Seahawks better hope that performance was more about the Broncos defense, as their offense for the first time in a while looked a bit scattershot. Geno was off target a bit. The OL had issues. The defense stepped up though, and if anything that seems like Mike McDonald already has them playing at a faster pace than anything from last year.

11.) Los Angeles Chargers  =  1-0  (22-10)

Harbaugh baby. Harbaugh. Why did we ever think this would go any differently. Yes, if they get injuries to any of their top defenders (Bosa, Mack, Samuel) it may all fold like a house of cards, but right now those guys are healthy. The OL is playing well. Alt looks like a star. Herbert still throws short way too much, but it seemed like it all made sense for once.

10.) Miami Dolphins  =  1-0  (20-17)

It's funny because Tagovailoa ended up with ~320 yards, but I am worried about the offense. That was a game - perfect weather, etc. - where last year Tua gets 400. This was more boom or bust than I'm sure they want to play. The OL is a problem. Luckily for the Dolphins, the defense seems to have firmed up nicely. Man having Jalen Phillips back is such a help. The secondary played better than I expected as well. This is a good team, but maybe some latent predictability may stop them from being a great one.

9.) New Orleans Saints  =  1-0  (47-10)

The Saints were DVOA darlings headed into the season. Not to say anyone thought they would be great, but maybe the best in the NFC South. Well, for one week it looked that way. Carr looked confident. The DL was playing out of their mind. Granted, all of that is hard to judge because the Panthers might just be a special type of bad.

8.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers  =  1-0  (37-20)

The Bucs were the team DVOA didn't love, but a lot of that is expected regression and/or injuries. Well, injuries can and will come for any team, but that offense might just be good enough to withstand some of that. The OL protected well (granted, against a pretty miserable front). Mayfield looked confident. Mike Evans is still a monster. They still have to me the highest ceiling of any NFC South team.

7.) Philadelphia Eagles  =  1-0  (34-29)

That was the good Eagles. That team still exists in there. Hurts looked to be playing in rhythm. Devonta Smith had his best game in a while. The OL held up even without Kelce. The defense is missing true game changes - the DL has to get a better rush to sustain their play week to week. This isn't a great team yet, but given how many were predicting a bit of disaster to come, this was a promising start, a deserved victory against what was seen as a great test in Green Bay.

6.) Houston Texans  =  1-0  (29-27)

If their OL can run block like that, this might be a special team. Then again, they have to block better as well. Also maybe block punt rushes as well. The Texans maybe only won by two but showed startingly few weaknesses (other than again the OL in pass pro). Stroud looks to be picking up right where he left off. Diggs is playing ball for now. All is well in Houston. Also new uniforms look sharp!

5.) Buffalo Bills  =  1-0  (34-28)

The pass rush has to be better. It came on as the game went on - with Greg Rousseau having a standout performance, and Von Miller doing more in that game than the entirety of last season, but it has to be more consistent. The Cardinals dominated TOP early because of that. The offense was quite good - what a shock, Josh Allen is still amazing. This team needs that defense to be better though, or at least more consistent.

4.) Dallas Cowboys  =  1-0  (33-17)

The Cowboys are good for 6-8 of those types of games per year, where they look absolutely incredible. It is nice to still see that with new coordinators and some new guys - and somehow even I'm nostalgic for Zeke Elliott being back! On the whole, the real Cowboys will show their worth in their ability (or lack of ability) to remain consistent week to week. At their best, they're still amazing.

3.) San Francisco 49ers  =  1-0  (32-19)

I hate how familiar the top of this looks compared to last year, but that's what happens when the preseason favorites not only (1) are all the top teams from last year, but also (2) win. The 49ers looked excellent. The pass rush was better than I was expecting - not giving Rodgers much time. The OL was excellent against what is a great Jets front as well. Kyle remains an unparalleled playcaller. Depth will be an issue if injuries pop up, but this is still just a stellar team.

2.) Detroit Lions  =  1-0  (26-20)

You leave that game thinking "this is the amazing offense we've heard so much about?" but then you realize the Lions had the best success rate on offense of any team. The OL showed who they were in that OT. Goff looked good, with really just one bad throw on the pick. Jameson Williams being a bigger part of the offense can take them to a higher level. What really impressed me though was the coverage at times. Yes, Kupp went off, but 110 yards on 22 targets isn't all that bad against one of the best receivers. They do need a bit more from the pass rush, though.

1.) Kansas City Chiefs  =  1-0  (27-20)

The champs are my #1 till they lose, but even then I do think this is the best team in the NFL. Or at least the most complete. There is no real weakness here - especially with Xavier Worthy at least giving defenses more to worry about deep allowign for more to happen underneath. The secondary remained excellent even without Sneed, which was my only real concern. Karlaftis was a bit quiet - pass rush could get better I guess, but that is the definitions of picking nits.

Looking Ahead to Next Week's Games

Ranking the 0-1 vs 0-1 Games

6.) New York Giants (0-1)  @  Washington Commanders (0-1)  (1:00 - FOX)

5.) Las Vegas Raiders (0-1)  @  Baltimore Ravens (0-1)  (1:00 - CBS)

4.) Cleveland Browns (0-1)  @  Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1)  (1:00 - CBS)
3.) New York Jets (0-1)  @  Tennessee Titans (0-1)  (1:00 - CBS)

2.) Indianapolis Colts (0-1)  @  Green Bay Packers (0-1)  (1:00 - FOX)

1.) Los Angeles Rams (0-1)  @  Arizona Cardinals (0-1)  (4:05 - FOX)

Ranking the 0-1 vs 1-0 Games

4.) Los Angeles Chargers (1-0)  @  Carolina Panthers (0-1)  (1:00 - CBS)

3.) Pittsburgh Steelers (1-0)  @  Denver Broncos (0-1)  (4:25 - CBS)

2.) Atlanta Falcons (0-1)  @  Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)  (MNF - ESPN)

1.) Cincinnati Bengals (0-1)  @  Kansas City Chiefs (1-0)  (4:25 - CBS)

Ranking the 1-0 vs. 1-0 Games

6.) Chicago Bears (1-0)  @  Houston Texans (1-0)  (SNF - NBC)

5.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0)  @  Detroit Lions (1-0)  (1:00 - FOX)

4.) New Orleans Saints (1-0)  @  Dallas Cowboys (1-0)  (1:00 - FOX)

3.) San Francisco 49ers (1-0)  @  Minnesota Vikings (1-0)  (1:00 - CBS)

2.) Seattle Seahawks (1-0)  @  New England Patriots (1-0)  (1:00 - FOX)

1.) Buffalo Bills (1-0)  @  Miami Dolphins (1-0)  (TNF - Prime)

The Weirdness of the 2024 Astros

It's weird to write this on a day the Astros lost their second consecutive game in Cincinnati, this time getting rocked for nine runs in the first inning, when randomly good (until today) rookie starter Spencer Arrighetti had clock strike midnight. But I was planning to write this for a while now. I will say without a doubt, the 2024 Astros have been one of the weirdest teams to follow in my life as an Astros fan.

They were dreadful to start the year. They were 10-20 at one point. Sure, a lot of it was one run losses and blown leads - but when their big offseason acquisition was picking up Josh Hader, and he proceeded to blow game after game early, well it was a continuation of a weird trend. The Astros seems to have been fully corrupted by Jim Crane overly listening to yes men in mainly Astros legend Jeff Bagwell.

This was a bit inevitable, with all the weirdness around old GM James Crick and his weird "firing" after the 2022 World Series win. Granted, by all accounts the Astros replaced him with a super sharp, rising star type in Dana Brown (the Braves old director of scouting - a very fruitful legacy he left...), but then seemed to kneecap Brown with Crane listening to Bagwell. We saw the stupid Abreu contract. Some other stupid reliever contracts (not even counting the trade for Hader). It all culminated in a sour start to the season.

But then a weird thing happened - namely they stopped blowing leads, the Astros great lineup started being great again (mostly Alex Bregman waking up from his now normal April and May slumber) and they crawled their way back to .500 right before the All Star Break. It helped the rest of the AL West was a joke, including the now fully choked-out Mariners, but there was life. It was the weirdest case of dejavu - and a weird look at how going through winning two titles changes your view on things (that and aging 19 years also).

In 2005, the Astros started out 15-30. Famously they were atrocious on offense in that period. They had a great offense in 2004, a lineup that started with Biggio-Beltran-Bagwell-Berkman-Kent. Well, by 2005 Biggio was a year older and washed, Beltran was on the Mets, Bagwell was injured (and basically for good) and Berkman was on the IL for two months due to a torn ACL. The pitching was great, but people like Roger Clemens made a habit of losing games 1-0. But then Berkman came back, Morgan Ensberg stayed hot, Willy Tavares stole a bunch of bases, the pitching remained good and they finised 74-43 and got the Wild Card and rode that momentum all the way to the World Series. That .333 winning percentage a searing memory of realizing it is never over.

Well, this year's .333 winning percentage was the exact opposite (good hitting, pathetic pitching). Weirdly though, the rise back that has been more fun than anything is the pitching staff. Maybe it started when a random named Rionel Blanco who rode his early no-hitter to continued greatness. This pitching staff on paper is not good. Verlander missed a bunch of time. Cristian Javier needs Tommy John. Luis Garcia is recovering from Tommy John, as is Jose Urquidy (basically all the people aside from Framber, who remains excellent, that pitched major innings in the 2022 World Series). Lance McCullers career is basically over. Somehow, someway, the Astros pitching (Spencer Arrighetti's awful start aside) remained good. Be it Rionel Blanco, or Hunter Brown, or Yusei Kikuchi becoming dominant after the trade, the Astros starters somehow have remained competent. I've rarely had more fun wondering about a ptching staff as this.

My life as an Astros fan is weirdly at a peaceful satisfaction. I watched them win two World Series, one of which wasn't tarnished by a cheating scandal! I watched them reach seven straight ALCS's. I realized I was at peace with all of this when they faield to show up for games 6-7 of the ALCS at home last year. I was ok - just happy to keep the streak going, to watch Altuve's incredible home run in Game 5. And this year I watched them sputter, very much the result of shoddy decision making, and I really didn't care all that much. I wrote them very much off - already happy to for once have a drama-free end of October. Well, as Al Pacino once said....

The weirdest part is I actually don't think my love of baseball itself has changed all that much (at least vs say four years ago). The continued exploits of Aaron Judge, Shohei Ohtani, Ketel Marte to the brilliance of the youngsters of Jacksons Churiou, Holliday and Merrill. Baseball is still so great, but I love this content version of being a fan of the sport first, and my team second, only because I've already lived a fan lifetime over these past 20 years. The future still isn't all that great, even if this team will likely make the playoffs and who knows, they just may make an eighth straight ALCS yet. Jim Crane remains a weirdo (though I should mention he is the rare Democrat-leaning sports owner billionaire), and his love of Bagwell and relievers and what-not may still lead to disaster. That's a worry for the future however, for now this is a perfect little moment to just love the weirdness of a roller-coaster that the 2024 Astros have been.

Re-Post: Watching Rafa: Emotionally Drained, Completely Energized

**The US Open is going on, entering its second week. We're five years on from when Nadal won his fourth and almost assuredly last US Open. Five years later, Nadal is basically retired. Federer (who played in the tournament and lost to Grigor Dimitrov) is retired. Novak Djokovic lost to Stan Wawrinka (who is retired), and this year he for the first time since 2017 did not win a major, and fell meekly. Tennis is rapidly changing. And finally. But it gave me a moment to think back to a time when we were squarely still in the Big-3 world. This match is also my personal favorite Nadal match of the 2010s - his magnum opus in New York against a game Daniil Medvedev (a man who can very much win his second US Open this year). This was a beautiful, heart-pounding, memorable match.**

Rafael Nadal won the US Open. His fourth such win, 19th overall major, getting him as close as he's ever been to Roger Federer. He did so in five dramatic sets, coming very close to infamy, being the first person to throw away a two-set lead in a major final in 15 years (Guillermo Coria - at the French Open, the year before a plucky 19-year old would make that his tournament for life). He did so against a player uniquely set up to frustrate Nadal, a player who may well win won of these as soon as next January in Australia. Rafael Nadal did all that, and I watched every second of it, lapping it up with one eye open, both in excitement to see a man I have invested way too much in to do something he's already done so many times, and in fear that he won't. But in the end, that's why we watch.

I can't remember the last time Nadal played a major match that felt quite like this one. Sure, he played a brilliant five set match against Djokovic at Wimbledon last year - but that was against Djokovic. Ever since Nadal and Federer's renaissance in 2017 (and Djokovic's own renaissance the next year), games between two of those three are in their own sphere, with the weight of the GOAT title hanging over every second. This was half that - I mean, Nadal's case grew a lot stronger with a win - but this was against a contender, a regular player. It allowed me to just sit back and watch Nadal play a match where a loss wouldn't directly help his two main rivals, but a win would so god damn much.

Tennis is interesting because while we can marvel at the incredible physicality and artistry and chess playing and everything else purely athletic that goes on within points, what makes it so lasting, so incredible draining, so damn fun, is what happens between them. The roars when a point ends. The emotional stress on the players that permeates through the TV screen like water through a napkin. You can feel it. You can barely believe it. That is what makes this sport great, and it was so good to experience that again.

Sure, had Nadal thrown away the match, to a player every single bit his equal on that day, I wouldn't be writing this. The margins between the emotional pain and strain and gain of a five set classic being a true sports utopia and a bottomless pit of fuzzy-balled despair is slim. But that is the fun, isn't it?

To talk about the actual game for a few minutes, what was so surprising was how from the end of the third set through the early fifth it was clear that for once, Nadal was clearly the more tired player. Medvedev was stronger, faster, more fit at that moment. He was tracking down more balls, making Nadal hit extra shots. Nadal was the one giving up on points, be it drop-shots, ill-advised attempted winners, or just letting balls go by. But then Nadal was called for a time violation (valid) on break point, and it all turned. Suddenly, Rafa had life, Rafa had fight, Rafa had spirit, and we woudl witness the end of a classic.

Rafael Nadal is an experience. For a player so composed and tough, few greats in this sport wear their emotions - specifically nervousness - so openly. That open display of emotions, be it the Vamoses, the obvious signs of pain and anguish at a miss, the worried look he can throw on way too often, all of it, is all so honest, and makes it all the harder but ultimately more rewarding to watch. Nadal showed this so often during the match, no more so than when it was over, him sitting in his chair, visibly breaking down in a way he so rarely has when the stadium played a reel of him winning his nineteen trophies. It mirrored all of us, having the same exact reaction.

Aside from Peyton Manning, there is no athlete I've followed for as long as Rafael Nadal. Given how my passion for sports should at some point start to wane (tough but true), likely I will never follow an athlete with this type of passion for such a long period of time. But that is why thsi means so much. Even the GOAT debates, which I know Nadal himself hates, means so much because I've invested fourteen years. I've invested time watching that capri-wearing, long-haired dynamo turn into a balding but sturdy veteran. And all the while, watching him win, but suffer. But then again, we all got to suffer, and then win, as well.

I have no idea if any of this made sense, but that is kind of the point anyway. Watching Nadal, sitting there in my seat, silent, transfixed starting at a screen, too nervous to move, to speak, to think. Well, if you do all that, you probably won't be too coherent the next day. But in my mind, this all makes sense. Investing a lot of time watching someone you'll never meet do incredible feats you have no earthly ability to comprehend, let alone perform, makes sense. Getting so nervous you would literally snap if the wrong person asks you the slightly wrong question makes sense. It all makes sense, because four hours and fifty-two minutes, when the man finally wins, and drops to the grown in stunned relief, you want to do the same thing so badly, but you can't, because suddenly you feel alive. That is the beauty of tennis, the beauty of Nadal, the beauty of caring too much about tennis, about a player, about a moment.